Hey All
So after 3 months of PE I've completed the course and know go on to just a bi-weekly group session. It seems almost sereal that I've reached this point.
It is tough to just focus on one particular experience and then really delve into it like never before. I have to say at first I wanted to run out of the room. My anxiety was literally off the chart. For me it was the first time in a very long time that I actually thought about my experiences, in general. It was very emotional for me, but I wasn't going to let that stop me. I really didn't want to spend the rest of my life feeling like shit. You know, that's how PTSD make you feel. Not good.
I also had homework. I had a list of anxiety producing things that I now had to learn to try and face without taking something before I'd go out. I couldn't leave my house without taking something for my anxiety. It was still bad even with the meds. Just didn't want to live a life where I had to take something just to leave my house.
Slowly I was able to identify and learn how to control my anxiety without taking a med first. That's still a work in progress. There are times now that I still feel the anxiety coming on but I try to work through it. It does get better with time. I've learned that I can survive without avoiding the situation or having to take something.
I just recently finished the program. It took three months for me. I can look at where I was when I started and where I am now and it's truly a marked improvement. The differences are quantifiable. I guess it was about half way through that I started to notice some changes for the better. I could actually talk about my experience and not get so anxious that I wanted to run out of the room. My therapist was great also. She kept me focused, knew when to ask questions, gave me homework and made me do the work. I also accepted the challenge and worked hard at it. You know you don't get it for free, you've got to really work at it.
It's really about behavior modification. Just like if you wanted to loose weight or quit smoking you have to change your habits in relation to them or you'll never accomplish your goal. And by going over and over the experience and going to places that I couldn't before and doing that over and over you get more relaxed about it and are able to think and talk about those things without getting upset.
there's no denying that it's a tough trail to march. But it's worthwhile. I'd do it again even knowing what I'd have to go through to get here. In general I feel much better then when I started the program. Even my wife has noticed the differences, which is great. PTSD doesn't just affect us it affects everyone around us and our loved ones too.
Also, everything affects everything. Learning how to relax and not be in that hypervigilent state is also important. Truly, you can't do much about certain things no matter how much energy you put into it. Most of the time if something is going to happen you won't be able to do much about it. So in a way I've returned to an earlier mindset of being relaxed but still aware. But not crazy aware like my heads on a swivel.
Guess I've rambled on a bit. The program is great and very worthwhile. You're investing this time and energy in yourself so that you can be a better you. Will it cure you, no. PTSD is a condition we'll all have for life. But the one thing I realized, and maybe it's the best thing is that it doesn't have to run my life. You can make choices and do things that allow you to have as normal a life as is possible considering our experiences. There will absolutely be good and bad days. That's both normal and expected.
It doesn't matter what type of therapy you choose to get involved in except that you get involved in something. In the long run you'll be glad you did. Also a big thanks to everyone here. You're encouragement and support has helped in more ways than words can say.
Jar