Paranoia - Tips?

[FUBAR1]

It's that intense, spine tingling, hair on end feeling that there is someone walking behind me. I constantly have to look behind me to make sure no one is on my six. Also, if I don't sit with my back against the wall and I'm in a room and there are people behind me, I absolutely can't stand it. My scalp just burns with the sensation of human proximity, I get paranoid I'm going to get attacked from behind, and I will request to switch seating places with people just so I have my back against the wall. Even at home, I hate the fact that my back is to the room when I'm on the computer and I'm constantly checking behind me because I'm sure I hear the footsteps of my roomies coming into the room even though they're sleeping or not home.
I've worked on my paranoia a lot since being back and have overcome my terror of blind corners and recessed doorways and rooftops basically my fear of being jumped from above or from anywhere in the direction of my 9 o clock to 3 o clock. Basically anything within my general line of sight I've calmed down about a lot and even though I still occasionally rush an alleyway or recessed door to get the element of suprise on any potential lurkers - although there never are any - I've stopped doing it for the most part and I've stopped checking windows and rooftops for snipers.
But anything behind my periphery or in my blind spot behind my head I just haven't gotten over yet. I keep thinking I hear someone or sense someone on my six and I usually try to ignore the feeling and keep walking but pretty soon it gets overwhelming and I become convinced I'm really being followed and if I die in a knife attack or something it will be because I was stupid and ignored my instincts and I whirl around to make sure and always there's nobody there. I'd really like to get over this horrifying crawling sensation of someone on my six and the constant need to check behind me or keep my back to a wall.

 

[Ned]

I'd love to be able to offer a work-around, but realised I couldn't.
It's not paranoia, mate, Read what Anthony says about hypervigilance.
You are talking about one of the most common examples of conditioning for a squaddie who's done active service.
I still hate some stranger walking behind me on the pavement (and am perfectly OK about one of my mates doing it).
Just today two tossers ran up behind me to the cashpoint I'd just passed. Instant whip-round and evil eye from me.
But it has faded. Nowhere near as bad as when I got out ten years ago.
You are making good progress, as you say. It's a form of self-administered Exposure Therapy and it does work. Over time, and with more normal everyday stuff, the mind re-maps it's 'normal'.
A bit like the engine ECU in a car mapping itself after a service. But you have to keep taking it out and driving it.

 

[Jimmy1]

Your spot on Ned. I think everyone who returns from combat checks their six constantly, scans their arcs. It does fade with time, but it's always their. I still hate going to the movies. All black and you can't see who is behind you

 

[Ted Moen]

As Ned said, it's not paranoia. It's that feeling, like you said, but it's very different than paranoia.

For me it was the feeling of an imminant ambush. The hypervigilance would kick into overdrive and I would be consumed with the need to figure out who was plotting to ambush me and once I figured that out, the need shifted to turning the ambush on them. The ability to anticipate ambushes served me well in Vietnam, running highway 4 between My Tho and Saigon all night. Back home and in the civilian work environment it was disaster. Civilians are so sloppy and careless. Their sloppiness and carelessness triggered that feeling. And I would find a way to turn the ambush on them. Cost me a lot of jobs and relationships.

The tools I eventually learned to manage that feeling are mindfullness, grounding and self-talk. Mindfulness includes an awareness of the old feelings and an understanding of what they are all about, and also an awareness of current needs and current situation and the behavior that will get your current needs met in your current situation. Grounding is returning your attention to acting appropriately in your current situation when you become aware you have drifted off into old stuff. And self-talk is how you take yourself from awareness to grounded behavior, literally talking yourself through behaving appropriately in your current situation even though the intense feelings are raging.

Ted

 

[Ned]

Civilians are so sloppy and careless. Their sloppiness and carelessness triggered that feeling. And I would find a way to turn the ambush on them. Cost me a lot of jobs and relationships.

Ted

I know it's totally unreasonable but that's how I feel too. And I don't think anyone who's been wired as a soldier ever truly becomes a civvy again. When someone drives a car up on to the kerb in front of me I know they think they are being helpful by tucking it out of the way of traffic. But I did five years on the ground in NI and all I see is a threat.
Don't get me started on supermarkets. I like the mindfulnes - grounding - self-talk approach, though.