Is There Hope For The Future

[Fargo1]

Sarg & Jar,

I do not envy you guys the trials you have been through. While it is true that some people are aware of the problem now. It is because what you guys and the guys before you went through that we have the help we do now. I know it is not much of a consultation but there it is.

Thanks for your wisdom. Some days it is what make the difference between me putting my fist through a wall and...not.

 

[JarHed]

Thanks Fargo

Your words make me feel like at least I still have a function in life. I mean besides being a total pain in the ass to most other people.

It's great to be a 'trail' blazer, but in a way the trail picked me not me picking it. It's OK, sometimes your vocation or avocation does pick you. We all help each other here. That's a very different thing than most internet sites I've ever been on. It's great to be a small cog in a big wheel.

Jar

 

[Jimmy1]

I think the beauty about the whole modern era is one of what they call the 'Information Super Highway'.
It's brilliant that someone like me down is Australia can talk to guys all over the world about this disorder. Yes, you old Nam Farts sort of pioneered how to deal with it without all the wealth of information or medications that are available today.

I often think back to the civil war and other wars like WWI, and WWII, the veterans like my grandfather were left in the dark and had to just deal with it.

Today the modern soldier is fortunate that people like us have been through what we have been through and have tried all different types of medication and can actually tell what side effects they have. We can share strategies on how to talk to family members.

What we all have to remember is that it does not matter whether you served in Korea, or whether you served in Afghanistan, we can all be told over and over on how to deal with things and not take notice, then a person will come along being old or young and tell us again and it will click. I hope that makes sense.

Anthony told me that at present he is so flat out. He is studying and managing the other forums. We basically manage our own and you know what, being veterans we all respect each other so we don't need as much managing if that makes sense. But if we do have any issues, or have an aspect that none of us know about, then just hit the report button and explain and Anthony will do his best to find out for us.

I just want to thank you guys for listening to me.

 

[Anglesachse]

Agreed. Once the individual understands they have the problem, it's up to them. All the rest is guidance.
'This, in my opinion is what sets veterans apart from the standard person with PTSD. Those people who have gone through a motor wreck, or a natural disaster, or even a rape. Yes, they have been through a life threatening experiece and have witnessed death (usually), but most of the time it is a one off event. And if they do seek help and therapy, they can lead a semi normal life.
Us as veterans have layer upon layer of experiences though, where we have either looked death in the eye ourselves, or seen the aftermath up close and personal.'

Seconded.

 

[JarHed]

It's great to be part of a World Community. When the internet was invented no one could have possibly dreamed of what it might or would become. We have something here that many other sites wish they could have. It may be the fact that we're all soldiers. There may be something in that that makes us one. Regardless of age, where we're from or what war we were in. I think it's a mindset of respect for one another.

When you're in the service you always know where you stand. No matter what you always know that someone has your back and you have theirs. That's the way it feels here. That's a great feeling.

Jar

 

[Sarg]

Big second on all of the above. The web has allowed me a much better understanding of what I, we, you went through and it's effects on us. The enemy looks much smaller when you can see him. He's still strong but visability is his weakness. Everyone who comes on this board gives each of us a tidbit of information that helps us deal with the beast.

Sarg

 

[Fargo1]

I think the reason that we all get along here is that in the military we had to learn how to get along with people. Not only did you have to bunk with people of all races, colors, creeds, and religions, you had to trust them with your life. Hell you didn't even have to like the guy next to you personally, but you HAD to get along with him or the machine didn't work.

Meld that together with the fact that most of us were in the military to help people (even though that sounds incongruous). And you get a huge potential for good things to happen.

What I find really strange and frankly wonderful is that we have this bond. It crosses all branch and country lines. I was at a friend's company party back in Jan. and I was feeling all anti-social inside and trying to put on my game face and trying to have conversations with people. Then I was introduced to one of my friend's coworkers and her brother. We looked at each other, he had 'the look', I had 'the look', and we started talking. BAM instant connection! Turns out he had been in the sandbox at the same time I had...we end up talking for the rest of the night. Totally forgot about my anxiety and ill feelings for a while.

So to me the self moderation of this site is just par for our course. We are an extremely loyal bunch. We know how to get along with each other (mostly). We are all trying to help each other out. When someone tries to come in and mess that up...we are all ready, willing, and able to deal with the situation and if we have to, cull that person from the group to make the machine work.

Yesterday I made my comment specifically at Sarg and Jar, but really it is all of you here. Hell it is even me. Without this place I would have gone down the rabbit hole last year and probably not come back. So let me say thanks to all of you for being there.

Right now I am holed up in my shitty apartment, recovering from my surgery and at a pretty low point. Been thinking about how far I fell last year...all the loss and pain, both physical and mental... I have a huge amount of potential energy built up inside me and can't really do anything about it so it is bleeding out as rage. Rage at the world. Rage at myself.

Mommy, I want off this ride. Can we go now?

 

[Wagon]

I can only echo what Fargo has so accurately said. I spent 20 years with PTSD and did not know it. Made some accomplishments, but also left a sea of spoiled relationships and other various F ups in my wake. If I had not of discovered this site. I would have never known there is another way or the explanation for how I felt. Before this every accomplishment I ever achieved was ashes at the end. I didn't care or even hated what I had achieved. Things are different now. And albeit much slower plus not to mention depression and anxiety kicking me in the nuts every other week, every little accomplishment now is much more satisfying.

Thanks for all good support.

 

[Sarg]

All very well said, Gentlemen. What amazes me most is we are from places all over the earth and seem to all speak the same "language". Guess it is like Fargo said so well, it's our military training/environment/combat. Long live this site.

Sarg

 

[Fargo1]

So I just got back from a therapy session in which I discussed this issue and my therapist and I came to an interesting thought:

I only really know what has transpired in my life, and there are so many different paths to follow, so I can only speak about mine and what I have seen and heard.

My life has been all about success. Starting at a young age I was a natural athlete. The teams I was on won, not only that, but I rose to the top on personal performance. In school I was a good student. Never really had to study that much, things just came to me. When I joined the military, I went all in. I didn't sit back. I didn't want to be someone sitting at a desk making decisions. I wanted to be part of the action. Doing those things, if I had to make decisions, I wanted to have those decisions matter in an upfront, tangible way.During that time, I saw things. Those things that we have all seen and done. Things that made me question what I was doing and why?

Then I got off active duty. I went back to school and got a job making strategic decisions. I wasn't the guy actually making the decisions happen. I was planning, drawing, planning, telling people to do things. All of it ethereal. At the end of the day I had produced paper with ink or pencil on it. That is it.

Then I went back into the action after 9/11. Now I was senior, I was placed in rolls that had me making more strategic decisions. Occasionally being part of the action. But I still had the memories. The good and the bad.

Then when I retired, I went back to the office doing the ethereal. Clearly something was missing. So now I am left asking myself, "What am I going to do?" My body is wrecked. My mind is wrecked. What can I do?

Besides PTSD, I think that is what happens to us. We live these extraordinary, sometimes action filled lives of doing real tangible things in the world. Then when it is over, whether it is one tour or you were a lifer, what do you do now? What will compare?

When we were in, most of us were in the peak of physical shape. Our minds were sharp. Our motivation level high. When I look at myself and other vets, we almost all led sedentary lives, gained weight, topped living a life with vest and vigor. PTSD? Mid-life crisis? How does that happen? Why does that happen? What can we do about it or do to replace it?

Okay, I think I am rambling now. Just my thoughts vomiting from my brain.

 

[Ned]

Fargo one thing I will disagree with is 'My mind is wrecked'. Bollocks, it has had hits and sustained damage, and there are (because we're not machines) resultant hurts and mendings.
But that's the point, there are mendings and adaptations. In the last year I really have learnt to view the damage I sustained as a plus. Now I can breeze through things that would've f*cked me a year ago. But like you it took hitting bottom to bounce back. Your mind's not wrecked mate, it's harder. As to what we do? Well, I think most of us are no longer content to be spoon-fed. I chase my work, but I am seriously thinking of looking to something more true.
I'd like to spend more time and effort (than I do already) keeping our guys alive.

 

[Fargo1]

Ned, you are right. I am still here and kicking so clearly I am resilient. Just freaking frustrated that right now I have been sitting here trying to do drawings for a project. Something that even last year should have taken me no more than eight hours...here I am forty hours into it and only about half done. I am lucky if I can get 15-20 minutes of drawing in before the Beast comes and shuts me down for an hour or more.

I guess that is why I said wrecked. The two synapses that I have to rub together aren't playing well together...