Hi folks...
Need to vent, to chat, writing helps me feel better and knowing someone is listening helps, too.
My Sufferer finally tried acupuncture yesterday for the first time, and to help his anxiety, back pain and eventually and also PTSD. I suggested it to him a few months ago and his initial reaction was scare....scared of the needles. I've not pushed, but only re-suggested the idea now and then - about once a month - and that I would 'treat him' to his first couple sessions, as a gift, if he decided he wanted to go.
So yesterday he tried it, I was so proud. He even sent me a picture of him while on the acupuncturists table! cute! He said it was fine, didn't hurt and he and the doc even had a mutual acquaintance. So it was a good experience. He said he told the doctor that he would see how it worked and maybe come back in a month. I carefully told him that 'actually, it's best to
go back again sooner, and build on the prior treatment so you can see the results'. Still not sure if he understood....
Anyhow, all was well for awhile that day, between us. He was very happy, and I think feeling good for trying something new and overcoming that fear. But then, as seems to be the now usual, things drastically changed and in the course of one day. He later called me that evening to say he'd been to a bible study, a church he's been to just a few times, and was now on his way home. At first, the conversation was light, minimal. I asked a couple times how the Bible study went....then all the sudden he came out to say he 'shared too much at the Bible Study...he said too much about his pain and numbing of his pain and now thinks he will never go back.' I was shocked and only because his calls often catch me when I'm in a good mood, watching a funny movie etc...and therefore not thinking 'PTSD communication protocal'.
It was hard to listen to him be so hard on himself, and he got really silent and just 'sat there', didn't say anything. In those voids I don't know what to do. I just sit there too and wait to see what he says.
And at the same time I recognized that acupuncture or any healing modality can often have a ripple effect and soon after. I understand it as the energy in his pain areas on his back are probably also representative of the blocked emotional pain and trauma and releasing it through acupuncture is going to find him wanting to release it in other ways too (like sharing) with the ultimate being healing. It can be turbulent at times, until things finally mellow out. I shared just a bit of what I wrote above, to him.
But as usual, I said too much...I felt it after we hung up. Too late. I never know when he just wants me to listen or when he wants me to engage. We've had several arguments on this subject. As a response I then stop talking all together when he calls for fear of 'doing it wrong'. I have asked him to tell me when he needs me to only listen but he has yet to remember to do so, and I think because when he calls and needs to talk he's really in an altered state and can't remember. But so am I...I"m in a 'happy go lucky' or 'busy getting things done around the house' state and not always thinking PTSD mode. I need his help to know what he needs, when he calls, if he needs something that is.
So even though I'm happy to know he tried a new form of healing, we are now 'not talking'. He didn't get mad on the phone, just got off and I just knew. I tried to contact him later and no response but saw he was online. Obviously ignoring me.
Oey vey...it hurts. At these points I just walk away and go about my own life as though he is not in it. I can't take worrying whether I'm 'doing it right' or not, and on top of that apologizing too. I'm always apologizing. Is he expecting that one day I reach perfection? Cause that won't ever happen.
I try to remember that he's healing the best he can and in his own time and way. And for this I'm happy. I pretty much stay out of his way, it's just these random phone calls that catch me off guard and find me saying more than what he needed.
Can't take feeling bad. And the silence, ignoring me, it's painful.
Need to vent, to chat, writing helps me feel better and knowing someone is listening helps, too.
My Sufferer finally tried acupuncture yesterday for the first time, and to help his anxiety, back pain and eventually and also PTSD. I suggested it to him a few months ago and his initial reaction was scare....scared of the needles. I've not pushed, but only re-suggested the idea now and then - about once a month - and that I would 'treat him' to his first couple sessions, as a gift, if he decided he wanted to go.
So yesterday he tried it, I was so proud. He even sent me a picture of him while on the acupuncturists table! cute! He said it was fine, didn't hurt and he and the doc even had a mutual acquaintance. So it was a good experience. He said he told the doctor that he would see how it worked and maybe come back in a month. I carefully told him that 'actually, it's best to
go back again sooner, and build on the prior treatment so you can see the results'. Still not sure if he understood....
Anyhow, all was well for awhile that day, between us. He was very happy, and I think feeling good for trying something new and overcoming that fear. But then, as seems to be the now usual, things drastically changed and in the course of one day. He later called me that evening to say he'd been to a bible study, a church he's been to just a few times, and was now on his way home. At first, the conversation was light, minimal. I asked a couple times how the Bible study went....then all the sudden he came out to say he 'shared too much at the Bible Study...he said too much about his pain and numbing of his pain and now thinks he will never go back.' I was shocked and only because his calls often catch me when I'm in a good mood, watching a funny movie etc...and therefore not thinking 'PTSD communication protocal'.
It was hard to listen to him be so hard on himself, and he got really silent and just 'sat there', didn't say anything. In those voids I don't know what to do. I just sit there too and wait to see what he says.
And at the same time I recognized that acupuncture or any healing modality can often have a ripple effect and soon after. I understand it as the energy in his pain areas on his back are probably also representative of the blocked emotional pain and trauma and releasing it through acupuncture is going to find him wanting to release it in other ways too (like sharing) with the ultimate being healing. It can be turbulent at times, until things finally mellow out. I shared just a bit of what I wrote above, to him.
But as usual, I said too much...I felt it after we hung up. Too late. I never know when he just wants me to listen or when he wants me to engage. We've had several arguments on this subject. As a response I then stop talking all together when he calls for fear of 'doing it wrong'. I have asked him to tell me when he needs me to only listen but he has yet to remember to do so, and I think because when he calls and needs to talk he's really in an altered state and can't remember. But so am I...I"m in a 'happy go lucky' or 'busy getting things done around the house' state and not always thinking PTSD mode. I need his help to know what he needs, when he calls, if he needs something that is.
So even though I'm happy to know he tried a new form of healing, we are now 'not talking'. He didn't get mad on the phone, just got off and I just knew. I tried to contact him later and no response but saw he was online. Obviously ignoring me.
Oey vey...it hurts. At these points I just walk away and go about my own life as though he is not in it. I can't take worrying whether I'm 'doing it right' or not, and on top of that apologizing too. I'm always apologizing. Is he expecting that one day I reach perfection? Cause that won't ever happen.
I try to remember that he's healing the best he can and in his own time and way. And for this I'm happy. I pretty much stay out of his way, it's just these random phone calls that catch me off guard and find me saying more than what he needed.
Can't take feeling bad. And the silence, ignoring me, it's painful.
