She Wants A Divorce, And Now I Start To Heal?

[vikingr12]

Man, we are bunch of characters, aren't we? :eek: I can't beat what they have said. Maybe I could say it different.

Sometimes the question needs to be asked. Do I need you because I love you, or love you because I need you?

And I read a lot of "shoulda coulda, woulda," in your words. Once the bad words are out, sometimes you gotta accept that you are at fault and the words "I am sorry," do work.

When you're arguing and yelling at each other, there should be a little bell that goes off in your head to stop talking. Take a deep breath and walk away for a while before it gets worse and you really mess up.

I have to keep telling myself, after a long, long time, I am not at war anymore. What I did, I did and I can't take it back. So I must forgive myself for what happened. And let it GO. That's how you get her back or how you find someone else who will make you happy.

I had a similar incident happen to me but the "child" was holding an AK and I was carrying a pilot with a broken leg, trying to be quiet. This kid just jumped up from nowhere and before he could pull his rifle around I punched him so hard I could feel his heart hit his spine. (Just writing this gets me going again.) He was just a kid. Could not have been but much older than 10.

But it happened. And we made it home.....You will too. Stick around.

 

[Anglesachse]

...............she's possibly open to starting over, .....

If she is and is willing to learn about PTSD and stand by you, through the process of getting it under controll, then get her watch the "Not in the Forces" video in the media section here on the forum.

Link Removed

It will help you and her understand a lot about what and why in regards to the Beast.

I actualy sat down with my misses, and we sat there and watched it together, and talked about things as they were mentioned.

Yeah go figure, "We talked about it" the video is a damn good starting point. From there on in there are loads of books that help.

It is short and imformative and basic, but does the job.

 

[sol1107]

Watched that video. That's some powerful stuff. If I can convince her to watch that, then it will be easier for her to realize my improvements. That video sure made me feel good about how I handled the past 8 years and keeping that button from being pushed.

 

[Cufflinks]

That video or something similar is now required viewing for current forces. Unfortunately, in my day it wasn't. No councelling, no info, nada. If I had watched that 20 years ago I would have got help before it was too late. It explained so much that makes sense once you know it.

 

[Anglesachse]

Ahh, Sense.

Lost that when my marbles stopped turning up. :ROFLMAO:

 

[Tim Cake]

That video or something similar is now required viewing for current forces. Unfortunately, in my day it wasn't. No councelling, no info, nada. If I had watched that 20 years ago I would have got help before it was too late. It explained so much that makes sense once you know it.

There is no time like :cool: the present:cool: to start the healing process....

 

[sol1107]

So, I guess this can all be attributed to half-dose of Welbutrin, an Aussie veteran, and a lifetime movie I only heard while in the stage of sleep where you can hear everything, but still dream something different. The mind is a f*cked up thing!

She's been spending a lot of time with girlfriends. Drinking, dancing, movies, etc. They keep getting mad at her because she spends the whole night texting and calling me, telling me how amazing I am now, and she doesn't want to deal with the beast again. They really get angry with me because I make her laugh more than they do! Every night, I have to convince her to stay at her parents place, which is where she's been staying through the course of our "divorce", instead of driving half an hour down the freeway while under the influence.

All the lies I told myself have gone. I accepted what I am, and I realized it's not as important as being a husband and father. I still have trouble going to sleep alone at night because the thoughts are still there, but I don't wake up sweating or jumping out of bed with my body in knots. I wake up rested with my wife in my arms, then I attempt to perfect her favorite, eggs over medium, which I completely f*cking suck at making...

Oh, and she said she is prepared for when I shut down again, but she thinks she has an idea how to deal with it. She says, "We won't know until it happens, so don't let it happen!" Then she smiles at me and hugs me. That smile keeps me sane, the hug keeps me smart.

Ok, sappy shit over with. I need to watch something Chuck Norris.

 

[sol1107]

Man, it's been a really long time. Divorce is final, CPT is done, and I'm on sertraline, which slightly helps. I'm still angry, but mostly at her for not trying to understand once I started CPT. She thought it was going to be over after 12 weeks, even though she was told right at the start that it will never be over. Lucky for her, anger management was also part of my treatment.

I'm actually pretty happy. My job still sucks horribly, but I'm surrounded by nurses. Can't be too mad about that. Thank's for getting me off my ass and up the VA's for treatment!

 

[Wagon]

Nice going Stavi. One foot in front of the other. It gets better.