Hello Trapped, oh noises triggering me, yes, yes, yes! Some examples but not the lot are, supermarkets, big shopping centres, large car parks, laughing children at play grounds and groups, busy streets with lots of car noises, shops that have screaming music playing through surround sound PA systems, parties, music concerts, large events, fairs, shows, commercials on television (except for the ones where they just show images and nice quiet music),weddings, funerals, telephone calls, any kind of argument between anyone, loud laughter, any group of people gathered together for fun or protest and the list goes on and on.
The noise triggers me to the point I must get away at once, or I become debilitated, lost, panic attacks, paralysed to move, start crying and many other symptoms appear. And I have a very short window of opportunity to get away.
What do I do to cope with this trigger? I avoid it at all costs. I almost live alone, I can see by invitations that come there will be people there, lots or few and I have given up on reasons, I just tell people I cannot come and I don't give a reason. If they ask I say it's personal. Some people I know have made it their crusade to "get me out" to an event, but it doesn't work I just don't go. They just don't or won't understand.
It's mixed in with agoraphobia I know. I love music but it must be something I really love or I cannot stand it. I play the bass guitar and I can handle that because I can play what I can cope with, and I can stop anytime I must.
If I must go somewhere I make a map of how to get in and out as quickly as possible. If my husband has a work "do" where wives are required, I have major stress, panic and anxiety attacks weeks before hand. At times I have begged him to go alone but sometimes he will not listen. He is very popular and has a high ranking position and that makes it worse, I don't want to let him down. If it is something I must do I negotiate with him to be there for a set period of time....more anxiety if he changes his mind through the evening. I have done so many 'fly bys' where I make an 'appearance' and quietly disappear - I have become a master at that and only do it to keep the peace or friendship.
So when the cupboards are bare and my husband won't do the shopping or go to the chemist for me, I make a list and before I totally freak myself out, I make it my mission to get in and out of the supermarket ASAP. I follow the list and am totally focused on getting back to the relative quiet of my car, and then it is home with haste.
I am totally exhausted by the trip and will often spend the rest of the day in bed, sleeping off the trauma of all that noise!
In terms of these noise triggers, what has emerged is a person (me) who honestly did not know why I was so irritated etc., by the noise, music or just sounds. I did not know for a long time that not only where the things I initially recognised as triggers, but the list grew and grew without me knowing until I experienced a panic attack from that noise. It ambushed me in a way. New noise... potential new trigger.
It appears in my case because I take so much evasive action that I have shut down my social and personal life to almost nothing because I cannot cope with this noise triggers. I have never had a noise that I knew usually triggers me, not trigger me. It seems once the noise is deposited in my head as a trigger, it does not give me any respite. Many times my body is in melt down and I will think oh good grief, the noise is coming at me from every direction and I must escape, but it is my body that started the process or my brain, take your pick. So escape I must.
I used to be very noise 'tolerant' if you could call it that, but somehow I lost it and I have no ideas how to appropriately cope except to reside in a remote area, see no human contact unless they come unannounced. If they call on the phone and I answer instead of letting the machine take the call, I try to tell them I cannot come to whatever it is they want me to. I know the noises I hear are normal but it makes no difference to my ability to cope with that noise and also where there are multiple triggers they are so tough too.
Sadly, I am now very isolated and lonely and would love to be able to cope with this problem, but I haven't found any answers except not to go near the source.
Kind regards
Blackemerald1
