Do You Become Focused on One Thing, and Neglect Other Aspects of Management?

[cragger65]

Medic, I think you nailed it for me. I think it's a workaholic mentality we both have. We feel we need to focus on and "succeed" at some aspect of recovery, and when it doesn't feel like a total success, or we find there's some other aspect we also need to succeed at, it's too damn much. It feels like a failure on our part. Does this sound right?

Terri, when I do this, it seems the bottom drops right out of me, when I stop and let it be. But maybe that's going to be necessary to get over this hump. It scares me, because I'm afraid I won't get back up.

 

[Hen]

Thank you for posting this. People post things and I realise I am not alone xxx

 

[heather q]

Wendy, it's funny that these things are so hard to learn...Could someone give me an example of how I'm being too hard on myself? I know it sounds clueless on my part, but a lot of the time I feel like I'm just facing "the truth", and don't quite see what others mean---Cheers, Dave

Dave, we were brought up very negatively, our truth is not the truth, the real truth is 180 degrees opposite.

It is totally different from how we were brought up to 'know' of ourselves, I've always been told I was negative, I didn't think I was, I thought I was honest. I don't know where I found it written, that we, each one of us is 'good' and 'perfect' just as we are, there's other stuff that is written better but I don't remember right now where I found it.

To start with I didn't believe that 'I had value' I thought I deserved to be less than anyone else, I just didn't feel up to scratch.

There is a very subtle difference that makes a world of difference, we look for proof that we aren't good enough and we find it, mostly because we are programmed to look for it. It is a decision I believe, to let what we think of ourselves fall away and replace it with the truth, I think the easiest one for me to remember is that I am ok, just as I am, no questions, no justifications, no ifs, just plain and simple acceptance of the fact that we are here and we deserve to be here and we are where we are supposed to be.

I'll see if I can find a quote for you, this is as close as I can get right now,

Heather

 

[Xenu]

Medic, I think you nailed it for me. I think it's a workaholic mentality we both have. We feel we need to focus on and "succeed" at some aspect of recovery, and when it doesn't feel like a total success, or we find there's some other aspect we also need to succeed at, it's too damn much. It feels like a failure on our part. Does this sound right?

.

This is defintely survivor style black and white thinking. We're either perfect or useless, never anything in between. Whatever we're trying to accomplish must be accomplished by superhuman standards or not at all.

 

[cragger65]

Heather, I remember feeling that 180 degree turn about in self-view after my accident. I felt like a success, that everything that I had done counted for something. Then the crash, and the emotional blackout. Now it's hard to see anything good in myself, it's all so buried under the wreckage, the dark, the weight, whatever you want to call it. I wish I had made better choices in recovery, but of course there's my T's voice in my head saying, "You made the best choices you could under the circumstances". I wish I could believe that and just be done with it, but the line moves around a lot on me. I love your idea of the lies falling away, like shingles covering the eyes, to reveal the truth. A beautiful way of looking at it.

Xenu, you are very right. Survival mode is what I've been in the majority of my life. I read up on this same topic in both CBT and AA literature. It seems one thing to see it, and quite another to change it. Tough nut to crack, so it would seem. Any advice on that much appreciated.

 

[cragger65]

Daily and Weekly Mood Chart

Hey there,

I made up this chart to track my moods from day to day and week to week. I've designed it so that you could place each week's chart side by side to get a sine-wave of your moods over time.

I didn't know if something like this already existed (probably somewhere I'm sure), but if not now it does. Hope this is useful to somebody.

Dave


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