Memories

[Grizzly]

There are rumblings of "delayed onset". I used to think it was a bullshit way of going after a compensation claim. I'm beginning to give it more serious thought. Things that I had packed away long ago, gaining legs again. If it was one memory, a faded feeling, thought long forgotten, it would be bearable. And completely doable, I've been at it for what, forty years?

No, it's coming back in groups and clumps. Bam, bam, bam, "Why am I dredging this up", I ask.

I did group therapy today and it has me thinking in circles.

No brass ring.

Sarg

It is interesting Sarg. I've seen bad memories pop up just out of the blue. Wondering what the hell!

The strangest lately. Can't stand the sight of blood. Now I was an avid hunter, and EMT. I have seen quite a bit in my time. last year I was a responder to a MVA and had a triggered episode that screwed me for a week solid. Last night had an accident with my son and my dog. Dog bled bad for a few minutes and I'm having a shit time shaking it.

What I'm saying...Now why does this trivial thing bother me. My T had a word for it during one session. But it had to do with as we age we have more time to think about these traumas.

 

[vikingr24]

Delayed and suppressed post traumatic stress syndrome. Diagnosis was spot on since it explained everything to me when I did a history of what happened to me since I got back. But damned if the VA at the time would recognize it.

It's clear to my therapist that I have it. Maybe that's all i have to cling to these days. My memories, some I know and recognize. Others scare the shit out of me. And funny how it is always the small ones, the ones you do stuff as it never happened. The big ones you know are there always and deal with them. It's the small ones that hurt now after so many years.

 

[Sarg]

It may be an idiotic theory on my part, but I think our minds, like our bodies become weaker over the years. When we're young, we can have a certain amount of resistance to the mental pain. As we get older, our minds weaken and we can't shrug it off like we used to. Hence, it "leaks" into the frontal lobe more often and often more painfully.

Just a theory.

Sarg

 

[Grizzly]

It may be an idiotic theory on my part, but I think our minds, like our bodies become weaker over the years. When we're young, we can have a certain amount of resistance to the mental pain. As we get older, our minds weaken and we can't shrug it off like we used to. Hence, it "leaks" into the frontal lobe more often and often more painfully.

Just a theory.

Sarg

Yes...And there was condition labeled as such. I just can't think of it.

Also, as we were younger we were able to do more. Go faster. Go harder. It didn't give as much time to dwell on things past. Having children slowed me down tremendously. Much less drinking and partying and masking PTSD symptoms. I settled down and it in turn gave me more time alone to think. After my kids were born 10 years ago, my PTSD issues increased 20 fold.