Hey Guys

[Kent]

Whatsup guys, my name is Kent, I am 28 years old and I was an 0331 Machine Gunner in the Marine Corps with 2/8 Golf for five years with two deployments to Afghanistan and got out as a Corporal. I was stationed at Camp Lejeune the entire time with unfortunate stints in the Mojave desert for CAX, AP Hill in Virginia, and a super pointless training op down in Texas where we spent like 80% of each day in AAV's as dismounts doing nothing but riding around for like 12 hours a day pissing in bottles and falling asleep. I have 2 kids (a 9 month old girl and a 8 year old boy) who are my life. I got out July 15th, 2014 and immediately started college using my GI Bill afterwards. I had mild issues but nothing that I couldn't control. Irritability, mediocre anxiety, and a just a bit of emotional detachment. Things were going good, and I was making good grades and everything…then in March of this year I was walking to my truck after a class and it hit me. An overwhelming feeling of fear. I got weak in my knees and felt like I was going to vomit. I felt like everybody was looking at me. I just wanted to run as hard and as fast as I could and get home and down to my basement. Happened again a week later in Wal Mart and since then I have started becoming more and more of a "hermit" out of fear of these attacks. The other symptoms have gotten a lot worse as well. The VA has me talking to a counselor every other week and has diagnosed me with PTSD, but I'll be honest, i don't know if its combat related. I saw more than my fair share of combat, IED's, death and destruction. The thing is, there isn't a trigger for me that sets these things off. It just happens randomly, and that makes it that much more scary to me. That being said, I never had these issues before the Marine Corps so I don't know. I just feel exhausted both mentally and physically. Today, the VA put me on 10 MG of Escitalopram. I am hesitant to start taking medication but feel desperate at this point as my grades have started dropping as well. Anybody have any experience with this shit? Any help at all?

Anyways, A little more about myself I suppose (Isn't that the point of this anyway?). I make masks. Yeah, thats weird as shit. But I was always an 80's horror movie buff. You'd be surprised the amount of money people will spend on extremely accurate Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger, Leatherface, etc. masks. lol. I also like boxing and up until a few nights ago lived to see Floyd Mayweather Jr. Get dropped like 12 pegs. He has since retired and my dreams have been shattered. I like cars, and I like fishing. I don't know what else to say?

 

[dutchiedelta]

Welcome here Kent, make yourself at home.

You say there is no trigger for these events but you might not know for sure. Give it time, perhaps a pattern emerges. If not, accept that sometimes you can't get to the bottom of things.

Sludge is the man to talk medicine with but many others can help you there as well.

Hang in there.

 

[Kent]

Thanks dutch! I have recently began pushing myself to go out and be in public. It is very hard, but the fear of ending up a hermit is at the time outweighing my fear of panic attacks and anxiety. Sometimes anyways. Sometimes it doesn't. It just depends on the day really. Anyways, thanks man. I appreciate it!

 

[Jimmy1]

Gidday mate

 

[atilla]

Welcome Brother. You'll find you're definitely not alone here. Lots of great people, info and advice here. Take a knee, read the posts it'll help. Pm anytime you need to chat. Again, welcome home Brother.

 

[Deleted member 43454]

Hey welcome Kent.
Those panic attacks are the worst man, for real.
I do not have a set answer mine seemed to take over, so it's good you are already taking steps to get help.

 

[Kaishi]

Hiya there, welcome.

A maskmaker? Rad as f*ck. Sounds fun. Nothing stupid bout that, glad you're doing stuff you're seriously into.

 

[Sarg]

Welcome, Kent. There is the possibility that what is setting off your panic attacks may not be very recognizable. It could be a smell. Or a certain sound at just the right frequency. Triggers can be very subtle. Yes, please do fight isolating. You'll fritter your life away like I have.

Sarg

 

[vikingr24]

Watch the drugs that end with "lam" and "pam" because they are related to addiction and can actually cause the problem they were intended to fix. But if you have to take them, take them.

You are spot on in your symptoms. As practically everyone knows here the panic attacks don't often have a trigger that is recognizable. The main thing is to "learn through it" but don't dwell on them. You have "heightened awareness" because of the attacks and your training and combat experience. Don't let "legs" (I was airborne -- parajumper) use words like "paranoid" or "psychotic" to describe you. You are the one driving. Not them.

The best thing that helps me is I learned how to breath. We are still animals and we have learned "the warrior posture." Shoulders raised, stance is lower and tight, eyes scanning for trouble. And we take shallow breaths because of the muscles tightening in our chest. So we get no oxygen until we actually start running or fighting. It's the anticipation of fighting that causes the problem.

Slow down. Think. Breath with your belly. Tell yourself "I am home and I am OK. No one is shooting at me." You will find it better than taking any "alam" drug. (I went through that merry go round. I may have to again but I am better prepared.)

I am also a big advocate of talk therapy and that can occur in many forms. But it's another merry go round to find a good therapist. Be picky if you go that route. Get out early if you are not comfortable and find someone else.

And never, ever, abuse or mistreat your family. You will find them to be your best support to get through this. Take vacations and rest. Get out of the house with the family even if it's to go to Mickey D's. Keep that VA 1-800 number handy and call if you need to.

In any case, welcome. You are in the right place.

 

[Kent]

Thanks for the feedback guys. It's good to know I there is a place to vent, and converse with like minded individuals who understand the problem. I find myself trying to explain it to a counselor at the VA and coming up short on words because I don't know how to describe it. Well, that and the fact that about two months ago I was trying to talk one of them in particular and caught the guy drowsing off as I was speaking, which quite frankly felt like a slap to the face. He was going through the notions, and nodding his head. I got pretty pissed and didnt go back for a good while. As far as the medication goes, I come from a family of addicts. My father actually overdosed and died in 2009, and my brother (An Army 11B vet) ended up with some serious issues because of medications prescribed by the VA that ended up on some severe dependancies. He's getting better now, but its been a long road. What scares me more than anything is the side effects. I have a very healthy relationship with my fiancé, and she is very understanding. I look at the side effects of some of these antidepressants and everybody seems to talk about the sexual aspect of them. That scares me because me and my lady have a very healthy relationship. I have also read from some people that they believe these side effects to be permanent, which terrifies me even more. I am now 2 days into taking the meds, and considering dropping them all together and just pushing through on my own without some type medicinal brain altering form of help. I really don't know. We'll see.

 

[Kent]

Hiya there, welcome.

A maskmaker? Rad as f*ck. Sounds fun. Nothing stupid bout that, glad you're doing stuff you're seriously into.

I actually got into while going though Seps and Taps waiting to get out of the Marine Corps. My contract was coming to an end, and my unit was doing a lot of field ops, so I was left in the barracks alone much of the time that last month. Without my friends there I got really bored and caught an episode of "Face Off" on television. I don't know if you have seen it or not, but its a show where contestants compete in special effects makeup (monsters, villains, etc.). I thought it was awesome so I started doing internet searches on how to do the stuff myself (I was always artistically gifted). Anyways, long story short, these days here I am, making masks as a second occupation (I work at a jail as well) and loving the hell out of it. It's an escape for me. When I go down into my little "cave" as my fiancé calls it, I feel safe and relaxed. I can chill and listen to music and sculpt and paint. Its really good for the soul, and my sanity.

 

[Deleted member 43454]

...I have also read from some people that they believe these side effects to be permanent, which terrifies me even more. I am now 2 days into taking the meds, and considering dropping them all together and just pushing through on my own without some type medicinal brain altering form of help. I really don't know. We'll see.

Yea It is common with the anti-depressants to cause E.D. or vice versa w/e its even called. I have experienced both on different med's trying shit here and there. Ultimately I do not take any anymore but that is my position at the moment. Could change, and I did try a lot of their shit they continually tried to put down my throat over the years. Some worked for anxiety a bit, but literally made me not give a shit.

I swear some times that stuff seemed to make the suicidal thoughts raise to a level they weren't really even close to before.
It seems very hit or miss, but the good thing is they should start you on a small dosage of anything and gradually go up from there
checking in each week or every two weeks.

Oh also, the side effects did not remain after getting off the med's which can be a task in itself if you are on one for long enough and dosage is upped.