Guy with ptsd said he needs space?

[butterfly77]

hi, i have been in touch with a guy for 2 months, who contacted me on a dating app, we live in a different city and were trying to meet , then recently he told me to have PTSD and has been on medication for a couple of months last year as his best friend died end of september and it was traumatic, and his doctor asked him to stop the medication recently, i really like him and we were getting along, he said many times to be very attracted to me and was confident that he wanted to meet me, he put on hold his profile from the datting app as he said he liked me and wanted to talk only with me,

then few days ago he started to have again ptsd and went back again to medication, he was trying to cope with side effects of meds, i thought it would be for few days, then few days ago i noticed when texting that he was taking hours to reply and not engaging, i asked him if he could give me a call and he texted me that he was taking some time off to focus on his mental health and his ptsd and had cancelled work for a couple of weeks, he said he did not want to chat with anybody and asked me not to take it personal, and was going to stay at his family's house , he is 48 yrs old.

i was not expecting this, a sudden change in him, i felt he lost interest, but i texted him that i understood and was going to support him that way and give him space, however i did not understand if he was saying '' i dont want to chat'' by calling you, or also with any kind of communication like text as well, so i just texted him that i would be here when he felt better.

those last 3 days i was confused that he was not interacting, replying hours after and with short messages, i texted him several times in the day not understanding what was happening,

is it possible that he got upset with me for texting him more than usual or could it be really only due to ptsd
should i completely not text him at all and wait that one day he will contact me?
how long in this case a person with ptsd needs to have space from everything?

 

[Friday]

how long in this case a person with ptsd needs to have space from everything?

It could be minutes, or it could be years.

That he’s cancelled work for the next few weeks? And has said he doesn’t want to be in touch with anyone, during that time? Gives you a starting point.

You’re not looking at hours or days, but weeks & months.

Is that the kind of relationship you want?

 

[deno]

hi, i have been in touch with a guy for 2 months, who contacted me on a dating app, we live in a different city and were trying to meet , then recently he told me to have PTSD and has been on medication for a couple of months last year as his best friend died end of september and it was traumatic, and his doctor asked him to stop the medication recently, i really like him and we were getting along, he said many times to be very attracted to me and was confident that he wanted to meet me, he put on hold his profile from the datting app as he said he liked me and wanted to talk only with me,

then few days ago he started to have again ptsd and went back again to medication, he was trying to cope with side effects of meds, i thought it would be for few days, then few days ago i noticed when texting that he was taking hours to reply and not engaging, i asked him if he could give me a call and he texted me that he was taking some time off to focus on his mental health and his ptsd and had cancelled work for a couple of weeks, he said he did not want to chat with anybody and asked me not to take it personal, and was going to stay at his family's house , he is 48 yrs old.

i was not expecting this, a sudden change in him, i felt he lost interest, but i texted him that i understood and was going to support him that way and give him space, however i did not understand if he was saying '' i dont want to chat'' by calling you, or also with any kind of communication like text as well, so i just texted him that i would be here when he felt better.

those last 3 days i was confused that he was not interacting, replying hours after and with short messages, i texted him several times in the day not understanding what was happening,

is it possible that he got upset with me for texting him more than usual or could it be really only due to ptsd
should i completely not text him at all and wait that one day he will contact me?
how long in this case a person with ptsd needs to have space from everything?

I can hear how much you care about him and how confusing this sudden change feels. It’s completely normal to feel unsure and even a little hurt. When someone pulls away unexpectedly, it’s easy to wonder if it’s personal—but from what you’ve shared, it really sounds like his PTSD is overwhelming him, and he’s retreating to cope.

People with PTSD sometimes enter survival mode, where even basic communication feels exhausting. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you, but right now, he may not have the emotional capacity to engage as he used to. If he asked for space, it’s best to respect that fully—no texts for now—so he knows you’re a safe presence without pressure.

I know waiting without certainty is tough, but it’s important to focus on yourself too. Rather than wondering when he’ll come back, shift the focus to what you need—whether that’s leaning on friends, doing things that bring you joy, or reflecting on what you want in a relationship.

Regardless of what happens, you deserve open communication, even in hard times. Giving him space is the best thing you can do, but don’t forget to care for your own heart as well.

 

[butterfly77]

I can hear how much you care about him and how confusing this sudden change feels. It’s completely normal to feel unsure and even a little hurt. When someone pulls away unexpectedly, it’s easy to wonder if it’s personal—but from what you’ve shared, it really sounds like his PTSD is overwhelming him, and he’s retreating to cope.

People with PTSD sometimes enter survival mode, where even basic communication feels exhausting. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you, but right now, he may not have the emotional capacity to engage as he used to. If he asked for space, it’s best to respect that fully—no texts for now—so he knows you’re a safe presence without pressure.

I know waiting without certainty is tough, but it’s important to focus on yourself too. Rather than wondering when he’ll come back, shift the focus to what you need—whether that’s leaning on friends, doing things that bring you joy, or reflecting on what you want in a relationship.

Regardless of what happens, you deserve open communication, even in hard times. Giving him space is the best thing you can do, but don’t forget to care for your own heart as well.

HI Deno, i do appreciate your kindness answering my question, as anybody who has some kind of experience with PTSD can help me, as i do care about him and really like him. He is a kind person, and i have never dealt with anybody with PSTD so is so difficult for me to understand how this can affect their interaction, or interests . You mention that the best is to respect that at the moment he does not want to chat, my question is, should i completely not contact him in the next couple of weeks or even later? 2 friends of mine suggested to text him in one more week, just to say hello i hope you are doing well, etc. in a way that i am not putting him pressure. But is this ok? or that would still put him pressure? On one hand i dont want him to let the little closeness we were developing, and the attraction, die, you know the saying out of sight , out of mind. As we never met yet, is easier to forget someone you were interacting with and talking on camera, as there were no feelings involved yet , so he could easily forget about me later. But on another hand, i dont want him to feel i am putting him pressure, would contacting him in one week would be putting him pressure?

 

[butterfly77]

i forgot to say, if it would be a good option, to post him a Get well greeting card, with a nice message and wait that he arrives to his home and opens it and let him contact me when he receives it , would a guy like this?

 

[deno]

HI Deno, i do appreciate your kindness answering my question, as anybody who has some kind of experience with PTSD can help me, as i do care about him and really like him. He is a kind person, and i have never dealt with anybody with PSTD so is so difficult for me to understand how this can affect their interaction, or interests . You mention that the best is to respect that at the moment he does not want to chat, my question is, should i completely not contact him in the next couple of weeks or even later? 2 friends of mine suggested to text him in one more week, just to say hello i hope you are doing well, etc. in a way that i am not putting him pressure. But is this ok? or that would still put him pressure? On one hand i dont want him to let the little closeness we were developing, and the attraction, die, you know the saying out of sight , out of mind. As we never met yet, is easier to forget someone you were interacting with and talking on camera, as there were no feelings involved yet , so he could easily forget about me later. But on another hand, i dont want him to feel i am putting him pressure, would contacting him in one week would be putting him pressure?

I completely understand why this is confusing. You care about him, and you don’t want to pressure him, but you also don’t want to just disappear and risk losing the connection. That’s a tough balance, especially when you’re unfamiliar with PTSD.

One thing I’ve learned—when someone with PTSD asks for space, they genuinely need it. It’s not about losing interest, and it’s not a test. When someone is in survival mode, even simple conversations can feel overwhelming. Reaching out too soon, even with the best intentions, can sometimes feel like pressure when what they really need is time to stabilize.

That being said, if you do want to send a message in a week, keep it very light and pressure-free. Something like:

"Hey, I just wanted to check in and let you know I’m thinking of you. No pressure to reply—just wanted to say I hope you’re doing okay."

This way, he knows you care without feeling like he has to respond. If he still doesn’t reply, trust that he will when he’s ready. If he’s truly interested, taking some time apart won’t erase that. And if a little space does cause the connection to fade, then it wasn’t meant to be in the first place.

I’ve been on both sides of situations like this—wanting to support someone while also fearing that distance will make me irrelevant. But I’ve learned that real connections don’t disappear just because someone needs a breather. If he values what you’ve built so far, he won’t forget you. The best thing you can do is respect his process while also taking care of yourself. You're handling this with a lot of kindness, and that says a lot about you.

 

[deno]

i forgot to say, if it would be a good option, to post him a Get well greeting card, with a nice message and wait that he arrives to his home and opens it and let him contact me when he receives it , would a guy like this?

The idea of sending a Get Well card is really thoughtful, and it’s clear that you care. But with PTSD, sometimes even well-meaning gestures can feel like pressure, especially when someone has asked for space.

It’s really hard to sit with uncertainty, but sometimes the best way to support someone with PTSD is to trust them to reach out when they’re ready.

 

[MariJane]

I agree with Deno. My husband has PTSD and sometimes he just shuts down and pushes me away. Although your care and concern feels normal and healthy to us, it may cause additional stress for him. I agree with a short, “just want to say hi, are you okay, I’m here if you need to chat”. Be prepared to deal with this for a very very long time. Caring for someone with PTSD is tough and sometimes deflating.