Angry @ World

[Grizzly]

I have been disconnected for a while with everything. While I'm off my meds, I have found myself drinking much more to calm me...taking the edge off so to speak. I'm just hating everything in my AO lately.

Watched a car wreck a few weeks ago. Dude was damn near decapitated when I got to his car.

I'm tired of walking around waiting to get taken out by someone or something!

Sitting in the dark alone seems the best thing to do. People tend to piss you off less this way. And it prevents me from throat punching.

Pounding dumbbells works. But only until I'm too f*cking sore to do that any more. Then it's back to hating on shit.

f*ck it!

 

[Deleted member 43454]

Damn, Grizz...
I am glad to see you posted back but not in this manor of course.
I too have been drinking a few beers at night lately coming off the ganja.
An I'm also tired of waiting to get taken out by someone.
I'm fresh outa options.

There's gotta be some shit to do to calm us.
Some say meditation daily. Gotta start putting that in routine. The weed helped me "meditate"
with out having to give much effort or thought towards it. Maybe fishing.
The more we stay inside the less energy we have to come out again.
But I too feel like throat punching ungrateful pricks I come in contact with.

In the old school Bushido code and Book of Five Rings it's said one must envision themselves dying in
all kinds of ways daily. Being ripped apart, thrown out a plane with no chute, eaten by a tiger, etc so forth lol.
So in essence we come to terms with being "Dead." For it's said that just like the way we wake up from nightmares,
so is the effect after death. However I can neither confirm nor deny that as true yet ;)

 

[CyclePath]

Have you ever tried out an AVE device? I got one compliments of USMC after they figured out I was stuck in beast mode while at Intredpid Spirit. You can buy them for ~$300. Basically it does for you in 30 minutes what it takes 20 years of Yoga to learn. I dig it, but of course not everyone likes them.

http://ultimate-life-coach.com/AVE/Audio-Visual-Entrainment.html

 

[Deleted member 43454]

That is a form of mind control.
The television puts folks in an "Alpha" state.
When things seem too good to be true, i.e 20 years of meditation, Zen Monk status in 8 minutes.
It normally is. No Pain No Gain.

 

[CyclePath]

Pills, whiskey, wine, and therapy are mind control as well ;-) Pick your poison.

 

[Chin Strapped]

I f*cking hate trying to find the next thing that will make me feel ok for a while.

Sounds like you're in a rut like me.

Car crash sounds nasty. Nice trigger there.

Keep searching mate. What goes up, must come down and eat sleep repeat...

 

[Deleted member 43454]

Lol I'll revert back to Ganja when need be. Already tried the rest of them a few times to be sure.

 

[Grizzly]

Today is a new day. Fresh night 3 hours worth of sleep. Perhaps that was the key. It's doubtful.

You know...You can challenge these negative thoughts like they teach in CBT all you want. Eventually there comes a point that you quit believing in yourself to be able to rationalize rather than challenge the negative thoughts.

But I had an epiphany. Darkness is my friend. That is where I have ultimate control and peace. When everyone else is sleeping I'm free to breathe. How f*cked up is that?

 

[Grizzly]

Update...Just as angry but I'm finding new triggers are people in general lately. FaceBook still sucks and contributes to my anger. I try to stay clear, however my day was made when I witnessed a video on FB of a young college girl holding a giant 14" black dildo while protesting guns. The world is awesome! #allhopeislost

 

[Steel412]

Damn, Grizz...
I am glad to see you posted back but not in this manor of course.
I too have been drinking a few beers at night lately coming off the ganja.
An I'm also tired of waiting to get taken out by someone.
I'm fresh outa options.

There's gotta be some shit to do to calm us.
Some say meditation daily. Gotta start putting that in routine. The weed helped me "meditate"
with out having to give much effort or thought towards it. Maybe fishing.
The more we stay inside the less energy we have to come out again.
But I too feel like throat punching ungrateful pricks I come in contact with.

In the old school Bushido code and Book of Five Rings it's said one must envision themselves dying in
all kinds of ways daily. Being ripped apart, thrown out a plane with no chute, eaten by a tiger, etc so forth lol.
So in essence we come to terms with being "Dead." For it's said that just like the way we wake up from nightmares,
so is the effect after death. However I can neither confirm nor deny that as true yet ;)

I feel ya battle! I have not left my room for 3 weeks now! I just lost 2 guys I served with to suicide in the last week! So I'm all messed up! I've been trying too deal with this for 6 years now. I been too so many programs and nutt wards I lost count! I don't know what else too do! I feel like I'm next to go! But I can't pull a trigger on myself, so I try to overdose on pills every night hoping I never wake back up! But no matter how much I take i still am here! I haven't even talked to anyone in weeks! I'm in total isolation mode right now!

 

[Grizzly]

Brother...with what you just said you need help bad. Talk to the crisis line. Talk to the ER but please get help. Don't give up to the beast. Most the time the beast is a puss and can be whipped. Don't be part of the statistic!

Loss is difficult for some. In a way I wished I feel loss like what you have. Being so cold hearted tears me up Just one of those other forms of guilt I guess. But this grieving and loss your feeling is normal for most. Good luck bro!

 

[Deleted member 43454]

My condolences for your loses Steel.
You're going to have to talk to somebody brother. Whether it's on here or in person.
What you're doing right now isn't working so it's time to reach out, which is what you're doing here.
And it's good however I feel your situation is of immediacy.

If it's the pills switch to cannabis. Call this number 1-800-273-8255 (Veterans Crisis Line)
and Keep in touch on here.