The Polarization of the (Psych) World

[EveHarrington]

I know that some of you have read about my trials and tribulations with finding a therapist. The good news is that I found a therapist who has really helped me, the bad news is that I’m losing her in about a month. So, a short stint, but she’s been able to help me more than most others. (She’s not going to be a therapist anymore.)

This therapist has finally been able to give me some balance. The last two would go off the deep end with labeling people as “toxic” or “narcissistic” which wasn’t helpful in the least. This actually set me back given my symptom set. (My mom was labeled as “narcissistic” and “controlling” when I spoke about how she suggested I write down what I want to talk about in therapy…..no exaggeration.)

(Like HULLO, in one session my current therapist was really able to help with my core obsession which hasn’t happened with anyone else, but I digress.)

I have found that so often in therapy, a therapist is overly concerned with “validation” and advising people to get away from “toxic” people when what is oftentimes needed is a more balanced approach. Everyone can appear “toxic” depending on what is said, and how it’s said. Rarely is a complete picture of another person given.

This carries over to online spaces as well, where you can go into most any group and someone will say “get away from them, they are toxic” about any given situation.

IMO this sort of advice doesn’t actually help anyone, it doesn’t help a client…..I personally know people who have taken this advice from therapists and online spaces instead of even ATTEMPTING to work out an interpersonal issue, and they just ended up more isolated.

I’m not talking about truly abusive situations here, where yes, you should get away from the person, so please don’t misunderstand what I’m saying. However, with everything being labeled as “abusive” these days, this is where the problem lies.

There needs to be more of a focus on truly attempting to work through your problems, and attempting to work out your relationship struggles with others.

I know this is just my personal experience with therapists, but I’m definitely not wrong in that this sort of therapy speak advice is indeed spreading throughout society given how much I see it written about in psych type spaces online.

I think the world would be a better place if we weren’t all so polarized, if people didn’t immediately say “go no contact, they are toxic” when confronted with a relationship issue.

If anything, I now have a new focus, I FINALLY found something that’s key in breaking down my obsessions, and this is a major breakthrough for me. I know I still have a long road ahead of me, but I have a renewed sense of hope, I have a new focus, whereas before I was wandering and lost.

Thanks for reading.

 

[Ecdysis]

Wow, Eve, that sounds amazing.

You sound a lot calmer too. I'm so pleased for you it was a success!

Can your therapist recommend a new therapist to you, or at least recommed where you might go to get equally good help and advice?

 

[arfie]

I have found that so often in therapy, a therapist is overly concerned with “validation” and advising people to get away from “toxic” people when what is oftentimes needed is a more balanced approach. Everyone can appear “toxic” depending on what is said, and how it’s said. Rarely is a complete picture of another person given.

yeah, the toxic people fad has been brutal. as an environmental engineer and devout tree-hugger, i can't believe in non-toxic humans. as a senior citizen who has been awarded toxic mom honors from a middle-aged child, i could be guilty of bias on a strictly emotional level.

i verily run from "professionals" who are willing to diagnose people they have never met. i run even faster when they are willing to pass facebook judgements like "toxic" and "narcissist." those particular habits are on the achingly long list of symptoms i am in therapy for. i view them as problem, not solution.

my most effective therapists keep the focus on me and don't even attempt to diagnose my abusers. they often remind me that so-and-so is not here and we have no control over their conditions, nor access to the data by which to diagnose them.

This carries over to online spaces as well, where you can go into most any group and someone will say “get away from them, they are toxic” about any given situation.

IMO this sort of advice doesn’t actually help anyone,

amen. for the most part, i simply disregard these screams into the digital void with the same credibility that i disregard ads for products i have no use for. ho hum. you're not quite ready for syndication, sweetie. maybe some day. . .

but i am more tolerant of my therapy peers. in my personal herstory, advice-giving/seeking was one of my more stubborn deflection tools during my years of denial. i try to pass on the same tolerance which was shown to me while i was learning. for my therapy peers, i ply my mantra, "ears open, mouth shut." vent that verbal vomit, my friend.

 

[EveHarrington]

Can your therapist recommend a new therapist to you, or at least recommed where you might go to get equally good help and advice?

Yes, I am being transferred to another therapist in that office, hopefully. I’ll find out next week.

 

[Ecdysis]

I just heard of a new study about the suppression of negative thoughts today and that findings are it's actually helpful, contrary to previously held beliefs and had to think of you Eve. Maybe you'll find it helpful

Is Suppressing Negative Thoughts A Path to Improved Mental Health? - Neuroscience News

A new study challenges the traditional belief surrounding the suppression of negative thoughts and mental well-being.

neurosciencenews.com