asirenofthesea
New Here
I was diagnosed with PTSD in November after my symptoms sent me over the edge and I finally decided to start going to therapy to get help in learning how to cope. To make a long story short, it stems from being in a very destructive emotionally and verbally abusive relationship 6 years ago. I had panic attacks, emotional flashbacks..but starting to disassociate is really what made me feel it was urgent to get help.
These symptoms were also having a great impact upon the stability of my current romantic relationship. Besides this, I also endured quite a bit of emotional and verbal abuse from my sister, due to a sibling rivalry she had toward me. That has pretty much dissappated now that we're older but the words still haunt me. Not only was there mental abuse but my sister also touch me inappropriately when we were children. This is something that I brought up in therapy and confided in my mom about for the first time. I contemplated talking to my sister about it but decided not to..even though it has had an impact upon my sexual intimacy and trust toward sex in general.
I was trying to move on and learn how to cope with all these experiences through therapy..and have made progress but still feel stuck in a loop sometimes.
My current relationship has been affected by all this for 5 years and my partner has been there for me...but they also brought out a lot of my symptoms due to drinking heavily and saying very cruel things while drunk. We took a break due to they're drinking having a severe impact upon our relationship and they have stopped drinking to excess. I have been open with them in that I am still trying to forgive them for what occurred during that time and trust again. I took them with me to the therapist so they could try and understand why I have PTSD. I think they did gain an understanding but what frustrates me is they think "why are you still obsessing about what happened with your abusive ex, when we have been together longer and have made more good memories?" It makes me feel guilty and embarrassed...I pretty much just try to hide when I get triggered because of this.
For example, last night I drove to a restaurant near our apartment and the parking lot it's in, we got into a fender bender with my car, so I am always tremendously anxious driving through it. My boyfriend can be anxious while in the car when I am driving because we have completely different driving styles...he's more of a defensive driver while I am a bit overly cautious. Anyway, this causes him to be critical of how I am driving while in the car with me and as a result I get defensive and upset. Once we got into our parking spot I was ridden with anxiety. He could tell..I felt triggered because while he wasn't yelling at me and was being critical because he was concerned about how I was driving, it made me recall the times where my ex abuser would scream at me at the top of their lungs while driving my car etc. That's where a lot of our conflict would occur. So my car has attachments to those feelings and memories for me. Once we got into the restaurant I was trying not to cry and excused myself to the bathroom, where I started having flashbacks of those high conflict moments in my car. I immediately started grounding myself by keeping my eyes open so I wouldn't be completely taken back.
My former therapist was good and did help me but I am trying to find someone more trauma based who can give me better coping exercises.
The gist of this all is that I am just mentally and emotionally exhausted of what feels like constantly reliving my past abuses and I want to be free of the debilitation it has on my life.
These symptoms were also having a great impact upon the stability of my current romantic relationship. Besides this, I also endured quite a bit of emotional and verbal abuse from my sister, due to a sibling rivalry she had toward me. That has pretty much dissappated now that we're older but the words still haunt me. Not only was there mental abuse but my sister also touch me inappropriately when we were children. This is something that I brought up in therapy and confided in my mom about for the first time. I contemplated talking to my sister about it but decided not to..even though it has had an impact upon my sexual intimacy and trust toward sex in general.
I was trying to move on and learn how to cope with all these experiences through therapy..and have made progress but still feel stuck in a loop sometimes.
My current relationship has been affected by all this for 5 years and my partner has been there for me...but they also brought out a lot of my symptoms due to drinking heavily and saying very cruel things while drunk. We took a break due to they're drinking having a severe impact upon our relationship and they have stopped drinking to excess. I have been open with them in that I am still trying to forgive them for what occurred during that time and trust again. I took them with me to the therapist so they could try and understand why I have PTSD. I think they did gain an understanding but what frustrates me is they think "why are you still obsessing about what happened with your abusive ex, when we have been together longer and have made more good memories?" It makes me feel guilty and embarrassed...I pretty much just try to hide when I get triggered because of this.
For example, last night I drove to a restaurant near our apartment and the parking lot it's in, we got into a fender bender with my car, so I am always tremendously anxious driving through it. My boyfriend can be anxious while in the car when I am driving because we have completely different driving styles...he's more of a defensive driver while I am a bit overly cautious. Anyway, this causes him to be critical of how I am driving while in the car with me and as a result I get defensive and upset. Once we got into our parking spot I was ridden with anxiety. He could tell..I felt triggered because while he wasn't yelling at me and was being critical because he was concerned about how I was driving, it made me recall the times where my ex abuser would scream at me at the top of their lungs while driving my car etc. That's where a lot of our conflict would occur. So my car has attachments to those feelings and memories for me. Once we got into the restaurant I was trying not to cry and excused myself to the bathroom, where I started having flashbacks of those high conflict moments in my car. I immediately started grounding myself by keeping my eyes open so I wouldn't be completely taken back.
My former therapist was good and did help me but I am trying to find someone more trauma based who can give me better coping exercises.
The gist of this all is that I am just mentally and emotionally exhausted of what feels like constantly reliving my past abuses and I want to be free of the debilitation it has on my life.
