The first time you witnessed emotional numbing

[Azize]

What was it like when you first saw your sufferer emotionally numb?

Before I saw it for the first time, I didn't really know what PTSD was. I knew flashbacks were involved, basically I knew what movies and TV taught me. But when my sufferer became emotionally numb it was, to me, even stranger than fiction. I didn't know this type of thing could happen to someone in real life. I had no reference point. How could someone's feelings turn off like a switch? So quickly! How could someone who was so madly in love with me the day before look at me with those blank eyes, that flat tone, and talk to me like a stranger. And then proceed to push me away and treat me like I'm nothing.

Seriously, it was like the invasion of the body snatchers.

To say it was a shock would be an understatement. I don't want to diminish the very real, terrible suffering that those with PTSD go through by comparing my pain to their's -- because there is NO comparison -- but it really does feel like I've been traumatized by the experience. What is trauma, by definition, if not the experiencing of something outside the realm of normal human experience?

In a way, it still doesn't feel real. Not in my body. Thanks to this forum and all of the other research I've done, I intellectually understand that emotional numbing is all too real. But there is something about it that is just not registering with me, even though I witnessed it first hand.

 

[Apej]

What was it like when you first saw your sufferer emotionally numb?

Before I saw it for the first time, I didn't really...

With my sufferer it is the same. It's like a switch that is flipped. His eyes change(in his case really dark with anger) and I can no longer reach him. He goes into flight mode, to stop himself from going into fight mode. He can whistle like nothing is the matter while annoucing that he is leaving me. Like a combination of explosive anger masked by an indifferent, cool "see if I care" attitude.

 

[Azize]

Hugs if you accept them, Apej. How do you deal with what I like to call the emotional whiplash?

 

[Vofeg]

How could someone's feelings turn off like a switch?

Sufferer here.

Easy. Black and white thinking leads to blank and white actions. For me, on the inside of myself, this feels like I have done all I can to correct said situation. That's when things switch to my 'radical resignation mode'. Or I can't process the new information that has me switch off.

I have to be honest. Once I have made up my mind to 'turn off the switch', there is nothing that is going to change my mind. Very little grey was in my brain space back in the day.

Work can be done with at therapist to help with this type of behaviour.

 

[Eci]

Hugs if you accept them, Apej. How do you deal with what I like to call the emotional whiplash?

I accept your hugs thanks.

I deal with his behaviour first of all by reminding myself not to get sucked in. Focus on doing something fun, relaxing, or distracting for myself and having the confidence that he will return to me.

It can be tough, I feel lonely sometimes. Especially when I need a shoulder to cry on(or even just lean on) and he does not respond, because he is too full of his own stress, or he just doesn't want "all the drama and negativity"

 

[Cojuf]

I'm not sure if I was "lucky" in not seeing the numbness (until the end of our relationship), or if my sufferer channels his numbness into the other negative bits - explosive rage, general distorted thinking, vilification, etc.

Unfortunately for me, once numbness came into play, that was it. As @Vofeg said, the switch was flipped, and nothing would change his mind about me or us.

 

[Eci]

My sufferers numbness is most apparent in his lack of empathy. He created a safe wall around his 8 year old self, only focussed on himself. No room for difficult adult feelings. Does not listen to lyrics, is not affected by movies, is not interested in what others are feeling. In discussions he only wants to force his views on everybody else. Never learns anything about himself. Nothing goes in through his wall.

 

[Iwesi]

I'm not sure if I was "lucky" in not seeing the numbness (until the end of our relationship), or if my sufferer channels...

This was my same experience. I find it interesting how you saw yourself as "lucky" to experience it at the end of your relationship. I too feel "lucky" to have not been exposed to this behavior for years. My relationship was 7 months and it ended with an explosion. It was over with not even a rational conversation between the two of us. It's traumatic for the supporter because non of it makes any sense. No closure, no answers, just empty holes.

 

[Uti]

What was it like when you first saw your sufferer emotionally numb?

Before I saw it for the first time, I didn't really...

My gosh...you just explained (in your words) my relationship. It's been a year since you posted this. Can you please tell me how you are doing today? How has the healing process been for you?

 

[Rozef]

Sufferer here.

I've said this many times in many posts.

Fighting through the numbness is a skill that has taken me YEARS.... Yes, it is possible, but the key is knowing that feelings exist even when we can't feel them. Its like a black cloak has been thrown over them and they are rendered ineffective. Sufferers who don't master this skill of knowing that feelings are there, and we just can't feel them, are unfortunately in my opinion, destined to relive this dynamic over and over again, in relationship after relationship. (This is what I did.) I finally have a partner I can talk to about this stuff, and I hold on to the knowledge that feelings will come back (although I do have to work on it). Its not easy, but the alternative is bouncing from one short relationship to another. Been there, done that, have the tee shirt. I don't want to be that person anymore.

Eve

 

[Itug]

Sufferer here..

This will probably make no sense but going numb doesn't necessarily mean I don't care. it sometimes means I care to much.
Suddenly I'm feeling things ...happy..angry..sad..fear..excitement..apprehension...

Nope! Too much. Pull the plug. Shutdown. Can't deal. Shutdown. Poof. Ok. Now I'm better. Ive killed the feelings

It's harsh to admit but at that point you ( along with everyone else) have ceased to exist to me. Numbing is surviving. It doesn't mean I'm not in love. It means I shut down to protect myself from an imminent threat of danger. When I come back I know there was no danger. But I dont know it during. I can't be reasoned with because to reason you have to feel

And until I joined this site I had NO idea what it was doing to those around me

 

[anonymous]

For me, on the inside of myself, this feels like I have done all I can to correct said situation.

I think it always stems from a reason.