Childhood Scared

[pcengland1]

I can't stop feeling or thinking that I should still be scared of my father, I'm old enough to stand up to him now in case he hurts me, but I can't stop feeling uneasy around him. I feel like he still has control over me.

 

[Muttly]

Completely understand this. I feel a lot of fear. I have cut contact with him and live about an hour away but I still have this fear he will show up. My therapist keeps reminding me that I am safe now. That the situation has changed and I'm an adult. My rational mind knows this (most of the time), but it's hard to ignore the fearful thoughts.

I am sorry you are dealing with that. You really are safe.

 

[Kintsugi]

I understand this too. I live about 800 miles away from my brother and still wake up in terror when I have nightmares about the abuse, even though I've known since I was about 13 that I could hand him his ass. He used to be far too much older and bigger than I. But he is weak. And I am strong. And yet the few times I thought I would see him or did see him since cutting contact, I'm like a mouse before a lion. I feel you.

 

[pcengland1]

Completely understand this. I feel a lot of fear. I have cut contact with him and live about an hour awa...

It's always an amazing thing to have support when you need it. My boyfriend always reminds me that I'm safe.

I understand this too. I live about 800 miles away from my brother and still wake up in terror when...

I'm the same, sometimes I'm terrified to go to sleep after I've had a flashback of abuse. The dissociation makes me feel even worse.

 

[UniqueSunflower]

I can't stop feeling or thinking that I should still be scared of my father, I'm old enough to stand...

I understand your discomfort. My father has attempted to manipulate and be emotionally abusive toward me the majority of my life. I have felt that every time I have given our relationship space and returned, he finds some opportunity to lash out again. Sometimes it's expected and other times it catches me off guard. The latest incident in which I decided to give myself significant space was when I visited my childhood home. He had been making disrespectful comments about others and it made me uncomfortable. I ended up saying something to him about it, he became defensive and told me to return to where I came from and to never come back. I was mortified being in my late 30's. On top of that he lost his other daughter (my older sister) in an accident when I was young and it felt like a kick to the gut to hear those words. I have found in establishing better boundaries, his harsh words have become less frequent. I've had to distance myself more for preservation though sometimes I do mental tricks in his presence to feel "protected" like imagining myself in a suit of armor or placing a protective blue light around my body. I also make a point to physically carry myself more assertively in his presence.

 

[NewBeginnings]

I can't stop feeling or thinking that I should still be scared of my father, I'm old enough to stand...

I still have a deep sense of fear too and my abusive adopted father died several years ago. I have a hard time and need to often remind myself that I am safe when triggered. (Often it is my husband triggering me). I am plenty old enough. Our fear has no age but we are safe. Sorry for the situation. Good Luck.

 

[pcengland1]

I'm sorry for your loss, we're safe, it just takes time for some to recognise it. Thank you for showing support.

 

[pcengland1]

I understand your discomfort. My father has attempted to manipulate and be emotionally abusive...

I'm sorry for the situation you're in. it's one of the worst feelings, like you're treading on eggshells.