The thing that reliably creeps me out

[scout86]

That would be little kids. Because I have a few clear memories from being a little kid but, in my head, I wasn't thinking any differently than i do now. So, I don't associate "being 4" with what 4 year olds I might meet are actually like.

Yesterday, I trimmed a bunch of horses for a grandma. Her little granddaughter was there. Now that I've noticed this disconnect in my brain, I ALWAYS ask kids how old they are. It's a reality check. She was 4. I look at that kid and I can't understand how anyone could be mean to someone like her. Or be worse than mean. Obviously, I was nothing like that, ever. The whole thing is just too weird.

 

[Kintsugi]

I think I understand what you're referring to. Tangential to this, I wrote a couple of years ago about being triggered by children because of the dissonance between what I felt I endured and the kids I interact with: The Cruelest Self

My best friend has been gravely, fatally ill over this whole year, and she's been having a lot of problems with emotional regulation as a result. One day a couple of months ago, her then 6-year-old son neglected to clean his room. She went from 0-100 on the rage scale out of nowhere. She threatened to spank him if it wasn't picked up in ten minutes. And then the most amazing thing happened. He began to cry. And he walked towards her.

Moments like this, where I see the enormity of the chasm between my own experience as a child and the experience of children I watch now, live and in person, depress and repulse me. The amount of independence, maturity, and frankly fear that I was forced to take on as a young child has really messed up my expectations of what children are.

I don't know if I'm brushing against what you're saying, here.

 

[jaccat]

I haven't yet got myself to the point where I can relate myself to those children that I see. I'd be in uproar at the thought of someone doing harm to them, but when it comes to me, I don't count. And yeah, the nice stuff freaks me out more than the bad examples of parenting that I witness. It's so alien.

 

[ladee]

And I am the opposite.. I probably creep the kids out !!! Children fascinate me, the innocence, the trust, the openness...but I can spot an abused child a mile away.... and those break my heart. Into a million pieces... because they are the children I relate to, and want to snatch them up and bring them home and keep them safe.... of course I don't. But thier little faces will haunt me sometimes, like I am not doing something to protect them... call child services, on what grounds? I saw a child in Walmart that may need you to check on their situation??? No, that doesn't work either....

I guess I try to heal when I see children that are ok.... that are happy, that will never be me, as a child.... I don't remember any one taking the time to talk to me in a store or other places... they may have.... I probably wanted to go home with them !!! And scared the parents, with my neediness.... and I guess seeing happy kids gives me hope.... that some kids will never have to go thru what we did.....

I just relate to them as little humans.... still healing my own inner child.... and don't want them ever to feel the way I do as an adult....

 

[Tinyflame]

but, in my head, I wasn't thinking any differently than i do now. So, I don't associate "being 4" with what 4 year olds I might meet are actually like.

Do you think it's possible, or probable @scout86 that there were ways we were like 4, even when-we-were-not-like-4 ? The obvious (but there are many) example being size difference, and all that requires in compensation? (eg cooking).

But not only the daily events rather the emotional expectations; coping; problem solving?

The amount of independence, maturity, and frankly fear that I was forced to take on as a young child has really messed up my expectations of what children are.

I fear more it messed up my expectation of who 'I' am. :(

Someone did say once here, however, something like, "What a remarkable 5 year old I was!"

I wouldn't trade every ounce of it, or want to go to the other extreme, but some pounds of it I would.

:hug: @scout86 .

 

[Deleted member 541]

@scout86 :hug:

 

[scout86]

I don't know if I'm brushing against what you're saying, here.

Yeah, that's pretty much what I mean. There's just such a total disconnect between what I see now, and what I remember being........ It's truly weird.

but when it comes to me, I don't count.

Yeah. The bad stuff makes me angry. The nice stuff...... I think it's more confusing than anything else.

Do you think it's possible, or probable @scout86 that there were ways we were like 4,

That almost has to be the case. And yet, it seems like I thought the same then, analyzed situations the same way then.... And yet, when I actually see how little a LITTLE kid actually is? It's totally confusing.

"What a remarkable 5 year old I was!"

I was I thought that! It's a cool way to look at it, but that doesn't seem real accurate either.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I seem to always see me as a adult in a child's body never fully being aware of just how small and young I was. I always see myself as older and bigger than the actual age I was. I was a little adult far too young. But I have great affection for most kids. It is the rotten kids that I have a hard time with. I do dislike some kids based on entitled behaviours. I always feel bad when I dislike any child like there is something wrong with me.

 

[ladee]

I worked in a basic care facility for boys that hadn't quite got to the juvenile courts yet, the conclusion I came to after working there for years, there are rarely bad kids, but a shit ton of awful parents..... even our most disturbed boys made progress with structure and responsibility and nurturing ... and taught a lot of problem solving.... and then we had to send them back to homes that guaranteed failure...... We had year contracts, and we tried as hard as we could to plant seeds with these young men, to succeed, to care about them selves.... but we had to let go with love.... and hope many of them made it out of their homes or origin to have a descent life.... It was and always has been the greatest job I ever had, and just as heartbreaking at the same time. A little off topic, and I apologize.

 

[Tinyflame]

but that doesn't seem real accurate either.

Oh yes @scout86 I agree. If anything it shortcuts or derails what childhood is supposed to be, and I think sets us up to tolerate things in adulthood many others never would, even though it hurts us or our feelings/ heart ('what feelings? Or needs or wants? Surely you aren't entitled to have those taken in to conideration'.) . JMHO.

:hug:

 

[illusionist]

I have a photo of myself at 4 years old.....when I know I was dealing with all sorts of things....bereavement, sexual abuse, physical abuse etc....I see this innocent, tiny being, yet I can't feel it....Feel I was always an adult....its weird.

 

[ladee]

Me too, I see pictures of me when I was little, no memories of the occasions or situations, and am looking at a stranger. tho I have done a lot of inner child work and have connected a lot to my little ladee, seeing pictures only leaves me confused and sad. I have connected on an emotional level, but not visual.... and that freaks me out.... who was that child.... and yet so damned proud of her for surviving....