K
KeepingAboveWater
Hello all,
This is my first time posting and I'm a bit of a mess. I hope I can get some clarity and maybe some help.
Like most of the people on here, I had a fantastic relationship and things were moving along well. Talks of moving in together, kids, a life together but i started to see some cracks. I am a proactive person and I like to address the small things before they get bigger, so after I investigated a bit my partner finally opened up to me. He told me about his hard past that should have landed him in jail, an abusive ex fiance who took hi for all he was worth, about the grief he is going through from the passing of his father and (at the time) coping with the fact his young niece will soon part as well. All of this I accepted and made my love for him grow because when I see him I know he deserves love and everything good in the world. I am/was willing to take all of this on and support him as he has supported my past experiences as well.
Fast forward a few weeks and the cracks started to get bigger but he just couldn't bring him self to fill me in on what is happening, he could only break down in my presence so we decided to get him some help. I set him up with a therapist appointment and once he came out from said appointment, he was a different man. He was diagnosed with PTSD and Depression then he shut down all communication with me for weeks. I did everything I could to be supportive and not pester but everything went unnoticed. Soon after his niece died and things became worse. Due to his religion, deaths and funerals are handled different and lets just say he had to do things nobody should have to do. He would eventually reach out long enough to say that he knows he loves me but he doesn't feel it anymore to which we agree he needed some space. I made it clear that i will always be around when he is ready and ill check in from time to time but that landed in more radio silence. I respected what I could and took measures to make sure some of his close family and friends kept an eye on him so he wouldent get too bad but I started to accept I was not able to be in his life anymore.
Eventually I would hear from him but he would be drinking and disappear once the hangover was cured. This happend maybe twice and I kept all communications within text/call as i didn't want to get caught up in the emotions and do something that would hurt if he decided not to talk to me again. Its a good thing I did because he would always go back to radio silence. After a while of no responses, his friends trying to help keep me in his life (as they too saw how much effort I poured into him), I took a step back and tried to regroup. I spent months reading the DSM-VOL.5 book, volunteered on a hotline to talk with those who have Depression, PTSD and other mental illnesses (including suicide), looked into spirituality and yoga, I educated my self and others, talked to numerous doctors and therapists and in short became an activist in mental health awareness all so I can help others they way I could not help him. Unfortunately I'm still human with emotions.
6 months of no communication had passed and suddenly he reached out on the date we were supposed to travel for a vacation together and things looked promising. We took things slow on text and agreed to be friends and things were wonderful. At this point I dated a few men but couldn't go through with anything as my heart knows I'm supposed to be in this mans' life. I know its mushy but its my discovered truth. During that week, he finally came through with a moment of non-alcohol inspired clarity and put it all on the table saying he knows I tried to help, that he was doing so much better, he should have done more to let me in, what he did wrong and that while being friends would be nice, he wasn't ready for a relationship so i should keep dating. He would go as far as to explain over and over that I was the last girl he was with and I have to believe him that there is nobody else. I wish I understood (and feel free to anyone who can figure it out) this but I just told him I understand and that i haven't been (sexually) with anyone else either.
I thought this was good progress, We were talking, laughing, reminiscing and had plans to meet in person. He was hesitant of meeting but eventually agreed but all good things came to a end when the communication slowed to almost nothing and he blew me off to get drunk at a bar with some friends (mind you we were talking all day and he knew we had plans). Now, hindsight is 20/20 but because I was frustrated, I end up explaining that the way he handled things was not ok and that while I am here to help I don't want to be robbed for the second time. I ended with explaining that when he is really ready about getting better to reach out as I cant keep being hurt over and over.... I regret saying that but because he was already attempting to put me on radio silence again, I had nothing to loose but to voice my love and worry for him.
Now here i am on radio silence again going 3 months of no contact. Only difference is this time he decided to hide his social media from the world but forgot to hide the part where he started a new relationship last month.
So to all of those reading this, After 9 months total of hell to which I considered my self a widow of sorts because he was sick, I'm heart broken but I know he has to date someone else so he can understand what I did to help and someday appreciate me. He needs to sleep with this girl and maybe realize that its not me. He needs to try to get better with this girl so one day he can be happy again. All I want is for this man to be happy, even if its not with me....
Now as i said earlier, Im only human and Im having a hard time coping with these developments so my question is this, is this normal for your ex who is suffering with PTSD/Depression to move on? I know its normal for him to be flaky and push me away but i guess I'm a romantic and though that when we had that 1 week together we were going to beat the odds. So what are my odds that we will ever be in each others lives again as i already know hings will never be the same again.
This is my first time posting and I'm a bit of a mess. I hope I can get some clarity and maybe some help.
Like most of the people on here, I had a fantastic relationship and things were moving along well. Talks of moving in together, kids, a life together but i started to see some cracks. I am a proactive person and I like to address the small things before they get bigger, so after I investigated a bit my partner finally opened up to me. He told me about his hard past that should have landed him in jail, an abusive ex fiance who took hi for all he was worth, about the grief he is going through from the passing of his father and (at the time) coping with the fact his young niece will soon part as well. All of this I accepted and made my love for him grow because when I see him I know he deserves love and everything good in the world. I am/was willing to take all of this on and support him as he has supported my past experiences as well.
Fast forward a few weeks and the cracks started to get bigger but he just couldn't bring him self to fill me in on what is happening, he could only break down in my presence so we decided to get him some help. I set him up with a therapist appointment and once he came out from said appointment, he was a different man. He was diagnosed with PTSD and Depression then he shut down all communication with me for weeks. I did everything I could to be supportive and not pester but everything went unnoticed. Soon after his niece died and things became worse. Due to his religion, deaths and funerals are handled different and lets just say he had to do things nobody should have to do. He would eventually reach out long enough to say that he knows he loves me but he doesn't feel it anymore to which we agree he needed some space. I made it clear that i will always be around when he is ready and ill check in from time to time but that landed in more radio silence. I respected what I could and took measures to make sure some of his close family and friends kept an eye on him so he wouldent get too bad but I started to accept I was not able to be in his life anymore.
Eventually I would hear from him but he would be drinking and disappear once the hangover was cured. This happend maybe twice and I kept all communications within text/call as i didn't want to get caught up in the emotions and do something that would hurt if he decided not to talk to me again. Its a good thing I did because he would always go back to radio silence. After a while of no responses, his friends trying to help keep me in his life (as they too saw how much effort I poured into him), I took a step back and tried to regroup. I spent months reading the DSM-VOL.5 book, volunteered on a hotline to talk with those who have Depression, PTSD and other mental illnesses (including suicide), looked into spirituality and yoga, I educated my self and others, talked to numerous doctors and therapists and in short became an activist in mental health awareness all so I can help others they way I could not help him. Unfortunately I'm still human with emotions.
6 months of no communication had passed and suddenly he reached out on the date we were supposed to travel for a vacation together and things looked promising. We took things slow on text and agreed to be friends and things were wonderful. At this point I dated a few men but couldn't go through with anything as my heart knows I'm supposed to be in this mans' life. I know its mushy but its my discovered truth. During that week, he finally came through with a moment of non-alcohol inspired clarity and put it all on the table saying he knows I tried to help, that he was doing so much better, he should have done more to let me in, what he did wrong and that while being friends would be nice, he wasn't ready for a relationship so i should keep dating. He would go as far as to explain over and over that I was the last girl he was with and I have to believe him that there is nobody else. I wish I understood (and feel free to anyone who can figure it out) this but I just told him I understand and that i haven't been (sexually) with anyone else either.
I thought this was good progress, We were talking, laughing, reminiscing and had plans to meet in person. He was hesitant of meeting but eventually agreed but all good things came to a end when the communication slowed to almost nothing and he blew me off to get drunk at a bar with some friends (mind you we were talking all day and he knew we had plans). Now, hindsight is 20/20 but because I was frustrated, I end up explaining that the way he handled things was not ok and that while I am here to help I don't want to be robbed for the second time. I ended with explaining that when he is really ready about getting better to reach out as I cant keep being hurt over and over.... I regret saying that but because he was already attempting to put me on radio silence again, I had nothing to loose but to voice my love and worry for him.
Now here i am on radio silence again going 3 months of no contact. Only difference is this time he decided to hide his social media from the world but forgot to hide the part where he started a new relationship last month.
So to all of those reading this, After 9 months total of hell to which I considered my self a widow of sorts because he was sick, I'm heart broken but I know he has to date someone else so he can understand what I did to help and someday appreciate me. He needs to sleep with this girl and maybe realize that its not me. He needs to try to get better with this girl so one day he can be happy again. All I want is for this man to be happy, even if its not with me....
Now as i said earlier, Im only human and Im having a hard time coping with these developments so my question is this, is this normal for your ex who is suffering with PTSD/Depression to move on? I know its normal for him to be flaky and push me away but i guess I'm a romantic and though that when we had that 1 week together we were going to beat the odds. So what are my odds that we will ever be in each others lives again as i already know hings will never be the same again.
