Childhood Do wierd fantasies give clues about original abuse?

[Noisytulips]

When puberty hit and my hormones took control of my life, I could only focus on two scenarios the first was my crush being in a closet or something and watching me have sex with someone else. The second and most prominent was me with two guys which eventually turned into more. I currently find it repulsive but think it's odd for a 12 year old to want these things. Is it normal to seek out the same thing that traumatized you? I was very promiscuous throughout all of high school and got no pleasure from it, it just made me feel wanted or something. Why did I do this?

 

[MoonGoddessHeart]

I had memories as a young 7 year old of fantasizing about being a sex slave. I think it was because of my abuse. Now when I first started having sex... I have submissive fantasies again and like the idea of a man degrading and abusing me. Like I want to be a perfect housewife that really turns me on who pleases only her husband. There is some innocence to that, but I feel like the trauma takes it too far.

 

[The Albatross]

As you shared in your other post, you were sexualized before 12... at 7 by another child. One who was being molested, right? So it is not all that odd at 12 you were having sexual fantasies.

 

[Deleted member 8714]

Frequently this happened to me, even as an adult. Usually afterward I'd have flashbacks about it. Sometimes flashbacks during fantasizing.

I had memories as a young 7 year old of fantasizing about being a sex slave.

I've written about those types of fantasies as an adult in stories and then had flashbacks immediately after writing the story.

I used to and still do at times have fantasies about something happening in a shower. Also two men using however they want. Later the flashbacks would come in bits and pieces.

When I finally pieced together a memory I figured out that my father had called my his sex slave and used me like that along with several other men.

 

[MoonGoddessHeart]

Frequently this happened to me, even as an adult. Usually afterward I'd have flashbacks about it. Som...

In my sexual fantasies as a child, happened all the time and I was always dancing for a man and bending before him.

 

[simplysawa]

When puberty hit and my hormones took control of my life, I could only focus on two scenarios the f...

Yes this is common, and i want to introduce the idea that this is not exactly a fantasy but more like intrusive thoughts. I felt the same way about my thoughts and felt it had to be something i wanted if i think so much about it. But i know it not something i want, it would actually make me miserable, so i guess my best advice is to try and focus on the part you know is true, you Dont want those things and those thoughts are most likely residual memory.