I don't want to go into much detail but during my abuse I was forced into a certain position every time before it would start. Eventually it got to where I would assume that position automatically before going to sleep at night because I was just tired of fighting it and wanted to get it over with. It is now 6 YEARS after the end of the abuse and I STILL naturally go into this position when I get ready to sleep. This is followed by the same dread and anxiety I would feel before the abuse would start, and then if it gets bad enough I then go into flashbacks.
After some time of this phenomenon (at least an hour, sometimes more depending) it's like my body finally realizes nothing is going to happen and I calm down, without thinking go back into my normal sleeping position and fall asleep. The only thing I have found that stops this phenomenon is benzos. If I take one before I try to go to sleep, I never feel the need to go into the position at all and am able to fall asleep normally with no issue. I was on Ativan for a long time but eventually went off. For months after even without a benzo, I no longer felt the need to go into that position at night, I felt like my brain had finally been "fixed" or reset. But then the behavior came back!! Anyways I am now on klonopin. But does anyone have any experience similar to this?? Is there any way to fix it without medication?? I can do all the calming activities I want before bed but as soon as I try to sleep it starts. I have learned over time how to better avoid going into flashbacks while in that state but that's it.
After some time of this phenomenon (at least an hour, sometimes more depending) it's like my body finally realizes nothing is going to happen and I calm down, without thinking go back into my normal sleeping position and fall asleep. The only thing I have found that stops this phenomenon is benzos. If I take one before I try to go to sleep, I never feel the need to go into the position at all and am able to fall asleep normally with no issue. I was on Ativan for a long time but eventually went off. For months after even without a benzo, I no longer felt the need to go into that position at night, I felt like my brain had finally been "fixed" or reset. But then the behavior came back!! Anyways I am now on klonopin. But does anyone have any experience similar to this?? Is there any way to fix it without medication?? I can do all the calming activities I want before bed but as soon as I try to sleep it starts. I have learned over time how to better avoid going into flashbacks while in that state but that's it.
