Supporters go through hell too.

[Azaba]

Another sufferer here.
You did what you needed to do. I'm sorry the relationship didn't work out, but you need to look after yourself first. I wish you the best.
Take care.

 

[Ifugi]

I am so glad you were able to see that he wasn't going to change, and that you couldn't do anything to help him. That doesn't mean you don't love him. I'm sorry you are suffering, truly sorry, but I am happy to see that you know you deserve a healthy relationship with someone who is trying too. It is so hard to let go of someone you love.

 

[Adaw]

I think its rare to find a partner truly willing and prepared to be in this type of relationship who can see past PTSD to the real person. But it feels like he's okay with losing me and throwing away what we have.

Boy, can I ever relate to this. I feel the same way about my ex-GF. I keep thinking, who better a partner for her to have than me? Someone who has done their homework on PTSD and who is willing to accept and love ALL of her, even the things that hurt.

But I guess that's just trying to apply logic to a brain that is not in a logical state. When we imagine ourselves in pain, feeling worthless, or scared, or broken, we think about how great it would be to have a partner there to support us through our hard times and love us unconditionally. Unfortunately, from what I've read on here, that's just now how the PTSD brain works. What we consider loving and sustaining can actually feel like something that a sufferer HAS to run away from. Literally, something in their brain tells them to push away as hard as they can and run away as fast as they can.

It's heartbreaking for us as supporters because not only are we losing our loved ones, but we feel as if they are making choices that are not in their best long term interests. But if there's one message that's most often repeated on here, it's that we can't help them. They have to want to help themselves.

Hurts like hell in the meanwhile, I know. I live it every day.

 

[Sozu]

Today I made a decision and let go of my sufferer. It will take time to completely absorb but I just felt I had reached...

OMG! It's like you were writing my story as well. I am not sure if I have what it takes to continue the pursuit. I was told after several months of dating and one month of living together, that we are not compatible for a relationship (go figure). I've invested time, money, emotional and mental support on several occassions. He now has no interest in maintaining anything, as you said @Ulazi, I'm a good man who will give absolutely anything to support someone I love, but I'm not sure if I'm cut out to give to someone who doesn't even acknowledge my efforts. Good luck to you.

 

[Nulu]

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. I've at a breaking point myself with my relationship. I feel like I put years into building trust and thinking that if I could just be kind and patient and understanding enough he would finally be able to see me and quit pushing me away. For the last two Falls in a row he has basically disappeared on me for several months. I know it was in a way an attempt to protect me, and also his inability to let me see him when he is vulnerable, but both times it left me filling so empty and hollow and scared. When he came back I never wanted to make him feel guilty because I knew he was struggling and was just so grateful that he was safe and came back. Now here I am looking at the coming fall and I can already feel him pushing me away. I've tried to talk to him about it, but I don't even know what solution there could be that would mean I wasn't going to get run over again. He doesn't want to talk about it. Each year he thinks he can power through it, and then it catches him and the same thing happens. I am so exhausted of feeling insecure about our relationship, scared that he is going to disappear on me again, and feeling like I have to eat my own emotions because he can't handle them much less his own. I just feel this sense of dread and I don't know what to do about it, because it's true none of my friends of family could understand. I understand your sense of isolation and loosing yourself. I've always tried to adhere to the whole put your own oxygen mask on first. I don't know if I can hold my breath for another Fall/Winter and that breaks my heart. I hope that you are getting the support you need and taking care of yourself. Thank you for your post.

 

[Koke]

I am a little late to the party, but I am glad I read this. It was what I needed. My sufferer let me go first. I need to let go, too. The thought of that makes me ill.

 

[Imesa]

It hurts to feel as though your best isn't good enough.

You see, I am a sufferer as well. And long before my SO got to this point ^^^ I was all the way down this rabbit hole. That's exactly the thing that spins me out in any relationship these days. But see, the thing is, my best is so substandard. I know that. But it is still my best.

That doesn't make me not a nice person. I would literally drop every day trying SO hard. So hard...... but it wasn't good enough. I knew that long before he did.

The thing is I often find when people in a relationship come to a head with a deal breaker, lots of times they are saying exactly the same thing.

It hurts to feel as though your best isn't good enough. And mine wasn't either, but it wasn't from lack of trying.

I wish you the best and that you can find the happiness that you seek.

 

[Azid]

You see, I am a sufferer as well. And long before my SO got to this point ^^^ I was all the way down this rabbit hole....

I could have written this...we both have PTSD , and it makes communication almost impossible sometimes.
I have so much more I could say, but I feel so drained from it all... hugs and prayers to you if you want/need them!

 

[Waged]

My sufferer let me go first. I need to let go, too. The thought of that makes me ill.

I think that's where I am now. He let me go first. Pushed me away, blamed me, blamed himself, blamed me more. Blamed me the most when I finally knew what was going on, and was still willing to stick around. I still love him, he still cares for me (or I wouldn't still be in his life, I know that much). Letting go sometimes feels like the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

 

[Gewahi]

Waged: I feel the same. Even just thinking about letting go is probably the hardest thing. I wouldn't have to even contemplate this if I hadn't been pushed away. I would have done anything to help my sufferer. They have been absent from my life for weeks and I've never felt so alone.

 

[Cufoki]

I’ve just been recently pushed dumped and pushed away. I know it comes with the illness, but it’s still hard to have to be apart from the person you love so dearly. I’ve reflected over the past week and I now realize the signs that were there at the time, but there’s nothing I could do to prevent it. He started an argument with me and then started going over the things I’ve been doing wrong since we met, my first response was to defend myself (bad idea). The more I’m learning about this horrific illness, the more I’m somewhat prepared to handle things; but it seems I’m running out of time.

 

[Ifo]

I know the feeling of running out of time.... my sufferer told me they still felt deep things for me before they disappeared. I did send a note but have no idea if it was received or not. The prospect I will never be able to say what I want to to them haunts me. However, if they don't want to talk to me, there is not much I can do about it. It is very painful.