Weird question

[r0s1e]

I've been working on a personal writing project (fictional, but not unrelated to my own experiences... whatever, it's theraputic..... sometimes...) and while I feel like I have plenty of lived experience to be able to write about the subject, I realized something...

I don't really know what it looks like when I have "flashbacks" (does anybody else find this word vagluely embarassing?). Like, dissociation, for me, mostly just looks like I'm spacing out as long as nobody tries to talk to me. I mean, it looks like that after they try to talk to me too, it just becomes "weird" when I don't respond. But like actually reliving the event? Not so sure, especially since it depends on the degree to which I'm reliving it, which is somewhat variable/tended to be a lot worse when substance abuse used to be involved.

It's not really something I want to bring up to people who have seen it, and it's not something most people have tried to talk to me about. Most people want to move on ASAP once it's over, which is fine with me. My last boyfriend said I was "insanely distressed and mistrustful" but that's about it. I guess I'm just looking for something more of a visual reference, since I'm trying to describe things from both the perspective of a person experiencing it and a person observing, if that makes sense...

Sorry for the weird ramble, lol. It just struck me as odd that I've had front seat tickets to every flashback I've had and never managed to see it happen....

 

[Sam Flemish]

I'd suggest maybe asking someone your close to, to describe your behavior for you. Every situation is different. I know when I go into a flashback I say stuff out of order, and don't make a whole lot of sense. I'm upset, have the mannerisms of a small child. I'm usually very confused and don't know the answer to simple questions. I've been told this by my therapist and friends. I don't often remember what happens just that I get scared. And then extremely sick afterwards (throwing up). I don't know if this helps you with your question.

Ps. Your x shouldn't have said those things to you. It was unfair of them. This question was a very good question. Not a weird thing to ask at all. Also that's so cool your writing a book, I hope it's healing for you.

 

[r0s1e]

I'd suggest maybe asking someone your close to, to describe your behavior for you. Every situation is different. I...

Thanks.... my ex said a lot of messed up things, in retrospect. Probably why I'm hesistant to ask people I know...