General This isn't living

[Sighs]

Over two days I was told to shut the f*ck up on 5 separate occasions. I'm at the point where I actually do not want to spend time with him.

 

[Mytime]

Oh sighs, please know you don’t deserve to be Spoken to that way. You are worth so much more. Sending hugs if you except.

 

[Sighs]

I'm really struggling with this. I believe that it is simply unacceptable to talk to people like that. He seems to believe that it's absolutely fine for him to talk to me like that - and that I should never show any impatience or behave in any way that can be construed by him as disrespectful.

I really feel like this has nothing to do with his PTSD and everything to do with his mindset - which is that he is my superior and I should treat him as such and that as I am his subordinate he is justified in treating me the way he does. Sigh!

 

[Mytime]

PTSD or not, respect is earned not just given. No one has the right to talk down to anyone. No one is more superior in a relationship then the other. We are all equal until judgement rears its ugly head. But that still doesn’t mean it’s right.

Sighs you have the right to feel how you feel. Whether it’s impatient, sadness, anger, happiness, etc. No one has the right to tell you how you should feel or act. You are a kind,strong beautiful woman and are worth being loved, treated with respect and kindness.

 

[scout86]

Over two days I was told to shut the f*ck up on 5 separate occasions.

I honestly think I'd be gone.

I agree, no one deserves to be spoken to like that, it's unacceptable to speak to someone like that, and I can't see it as a PTSD thing. To me, that would be a heat of the moment/ very sorry after the dust settled thing. And, I guess it probably wouldn't matter to me WHY someone talked to me like that.

Is there anything to suggest this is going to change?

 

[LuckiLee]

I think it's his military training. My guy becomes Sgt. *#&$ every once in a while. And yep he talks to me like I'm some private he's disciplining. Lucky for him it's only occasionally and always when stress is rampant. With therapy and communication we're getting better at dealing with it. And he's aware of it now before he didn't have a clue. I had to tell him exactly what he says.

Is your guy in any type of therapy?
I feel for you. But if I didn't see my guy trying AND making improvements I probably wouldn't still be here.

Keep us posted and we'll support you whatever you decide.

XO

 

[LuckiLee]

@scout86. I think it's very common with Combat PTSD.

 

[Snowflakes]

@Sighs Reading your post breaks my heart. I’m sorry you are hurting. :hug:

 

[NaeNae75]

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I know for me growing up, my dad was very "violent" and out of control, especially when he would self medicate (drink). It sucks, and you really don't deserve it.

(hugs) if you accept them....I'm completely in your corner!

 

[Sighs]

Thank you all for your support. It is very helpful.

@leehalf - I agree its military culture. He can be lovely until a task needs doing and the next thing he's throwing out orders faster than I can follow them. He was a Company Sergeant Major. He's brutal and he thinks it normal. I keep trying to work on his situational awareness (ie: I am not a soldier. There is only one of me. You will get a better result if you ask nicely. We are not in combat - doing something slowly or less than perfectly is unlikely to get anyone killed.)

@NaeNae75 - yes I'm most of why I put up with it from my vet is that my father (also a vet) did much the same thing so it feels normal to me as well. I'm trying hard to change that pattern of behaviour in myself. (ie: accepting the verbal abuse).

 

[NaeNae75]

Thank you all for your support. It is very helpful.

@leehalf - I agree its military...

I can relate so much to this....and it breaks my heart for us both! For what it's worth, I'm so proud of you and your self awareness! You are strong, and you are worthy. If it's okay, I'll keep your struggles in my prayers as well.

 

[scout86]

I think it's very common with Combat PTSD.

Maybe.

My ex-husband didn't have PTSD and his military service (which he lied about) was a non-combat role. There were situations where he'd act like that. I think he was just rude and entitled. In fact, I noticed that, in those situations (say, he'd gotten a tractor stuck and needed my help getting it out) he'd scream at ME, but, if one of the neighbors came over, his behavior was totally acceptable. I told him that, since he could clearly turn it on and off, he'd best turn it OFF. I warned him that I wasn't going to put up with it forever, but he seemed to surprised to find I wasn't making that up.

Honestly, the more I hear about @Sighs situation, the more I wonder how much this particular behavior has to do with PTSD and how much is a bad habit.