Relationship Did something stupid. afraid of accidentally outing my sufferer

[anonymous]

There is a word I have been using wrong for years when talking English which is not my native language. To give an example like a person who always thinks an apple is a strawberry. Only two different words in my case.
Now for the first time in my life individuals on a bulletin board have corrected me and pointed out that no an apple is no strawberry.
No big deal one should say but in this case it is one because on this board I repeatedly mentioned dh´s PTSD thinking it was pretty anonymous.

Now I think that my mistake, confusing words is unique and that anybody who ever stumbles upon this board will know it is me and that I accidentally outed dh and let him down.

I think I will ask a mod to delete the thread on this board. Feeling guilty and horrible about myself.

 

[NaeNae75]

There is a word I have been using wrong for years when talking English which is not my native languag...

Please don't feel guilty. This is the place to discuss such things and is anonymous. Are you saying it isn't because you used a name, or something?

I don't know that threads are ever deleted, but you have an option to edit. Did you know that? Or are you trying to change your name? I think you're allowed to do that.

 

[anonymous]

Oh, great and now I posted this and forgot to click the anonymous button. Wow. It makes me feel even better about myself... grr...

 

[anonymous]

Oh... it did not happen on this boards where I confused the words. It happened on another board and that was not even a PTSD board but another board... but I mentioned hubbys PTSD anyway. Pointlessly whined about him. Sometimes feel like I am lacking all strength and stamina...

No, I did not use my name... but I confused two words nobody else confuses, like for example confusing the words. „apple“ and “horse“ and talking about making a „horse cake“and everybody who happens to come to the boards and knows me will know it is me because nobody else confuses the words.

Am I being paranoid to think people who know there will come there and accidentally find me out.

Apple and horse are just example words and not the actual ones of course.

 

[NaeNae75]

Do you know if any way to edit on that board? I would hope no one would know, but there's no way to be certain. I'm sorry this is causing you so much anxiety.

 

[Sweetpea76]

A lot of people panic about privacy, on this site and I'm sure lots of others, if they think they've said too much or the wrong thing. Usually it's only glaring obvious to them though. For instance, how could they know it was your husband if you have a screen name, you don't use his name, nobody knows where you live, nobody knows where you both work, etc. Without specific identifiers you cannot know who is who. It can be anybody in the world.

People confuse words all the time. They make typos. What are the odds that it'll be specific enough to identify you?

 

[Freida]

@Sweetpea76 is right. I want to be supportive but as a sufferer this just gave me a panic attack. The idea of being outed is horrifying in my world. I completely understand the language barrier issue and that you didn't do it on purpose, which helps tremendously. But. EEEK!

Can you ask your sufferer to look at the site? Perhaps they can find a way to help you fix it or you can both see that it wasn't as big a deal as you are afraid it might be. It might be more anonymous than you realize, or there is an edit feature or something else. And if they can't fix it, at least they would have a chance to prepare for the fallout.

Please don't hide it! If one of my supporters accidentally outed me and I didn't know and then had to find out from someone else...... yea. that would be bad.

 

[anonymous]

No, I cannot make my sufferer look at the site because I said some mean things like that I sometimes felt sick and tired of his sullen face or that when we had other people over stay at our house I wanted to ask them not to leave because our house felt like such a dark place... but that is only how I sometimes feel and most of the time I do not feel like this... but it would hurt his feelings having to read this...

I think I confused two words which almost never get confused. If you want me to I could send you a link but of course you don‘t have to.

 

[One step at a time]

People who know me and don't know anything about my diagnosis /could/ come on this site and read my member diary and recognize me from the details, probably.

But I tell myself I'm pretty safe because...
- I don't go around reading forums about MS or Parkinson's or any other devastating illness. So, the people who know me probably don't go around recreationally surfing PTSD forums. So they're pretty unlikely to find me here.
- Even if they did read such forums, and found this particular one, there is such an enormous volume of material here - with new threads/content being written all the time - that the odds of them coming across your particular thread are somewhat lowered.
- Anyway, it is way more likely that I will eventually out myself in person to someone (via my behavior or something), than it is likely that I get outed by someone finding me here.

You are in a tough situation, supporting someone in a lot of pain. It is totally understandable that you have needed to vent from time to time. To me that seems healthy and I do not judge you for it at all. I hope you can absolve yourself. Sending support.

 

[anonymous]

Oh... it is not a PTSD board but a board about something else but I was stupid enough to mention hubbies PTSD there.

Thanks a lot for your support :)

 

[Freida]

but that is only how I sometimes feel and most of the time I do not feel like this... but it would hurt his feelings having to read this...

THIS is the most important part. It's obvious that you care about him and have simply made a mistake. That should be entirely forgivable. Now it's just a bit of damage control. Do you ever have a chance to talk with him about how it makes you feel during the bad times?

People who know me and don't know anything about my diagnosis /could/ come on this site and read my member diary and recognize me from the details, probably.

Yea -- I pretty much obsess about that possibility. But I'm figuring out (slowly!) the benefit I'm gaining is worth more than the worry of someone figuring out who I am.

You are in a tough situation, supporting someone in a lot of pain. It is totally understandable that you have needed to vent from time to time. To me that seems healthy and I do not judge you for it at all. I hope you can absolve yourself. Sending support.

I totally agree with this - even from the sufferer side. I think you should be allowed to vent and talk with people who can understand. I know what a handful we can be.

 

[anonymous]

Do I ever talk with him about how he makes me feel during the bad times?

Actually I did ask him to be less grumpy and cheer up and he has made an effort... but about that sullen face... no... actually you might not know it but this facial expression is common in people who had trauma in their life often without them realizing.

I am a spouse of a vet and a relative who served just „knew“ my hubby had PTSD without ever being told, he just took me aside and told me he looked like it... and I think I can see it too in their faces... because I have seen vets and realized they must have PTSD from the look in their face, but I never asked them. However I am sure I can see it. I am not sure if that makes much sense.

However that sullen face depresses me but I cannot tell him. No. Other things: yes, but that: no.