Scared of recovery

[Akhos]

Ok, bear with me - its been a long week, roller coaster of emotions and I am tired, but I just want to write this down so no judgements please.

I hate feeling the way I do, up and down all the time, feeling torn from pillar to post and never knowing how I am going to react in a given situation. It feels that I have felt this for so long that I cant really remember what its like to be "normal" as such. It kind of hit me earlier, I am kind of scared of recovery - in the sense that I have become so used to who I am now, broken and completely confused, that its also become part of my identity and losing that is quite scary.

That make sense?

I want to feel better, but Im scared of losing a big part of me as I dont know what will fill that space.

 

[Lionheart]

Makes sense to me. There is certainty even with uncertainty! You are taking some big steps towards healing and that can be scary, I know that it was for me and still is sometimes, (although it is not as intense or frequent as it once was).

Change is scary esp. when one's identity and/or world view is in called into question, but perhaps with the loss of the old self comes some gain of a happier, healthier you.

I wish you peace, comfort, healing, and success.

 

[Deleted member 40995]

Ok, bear with me - its been a long week, roller coaster of emotions and I am tired, but I just want to wr...

I can relate. sometimes on good days Im not sure how to function, my identity was survival, thats what took up all my time and energy, so when I wasn't surviving I was afraid because I didn't know how to function normally

 

[Akhos]

As soon as i start to feel half decent I just want to go back to work and take on the worlds problems again. Unfortunately as soon as i try, my brain just collapses again

 

[CatInTree]

It is so understandable that tv tropes has a page for it. Hope is scary.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Many times with PTSD, we developed skewed thinking patterns, which for us, seem pretty normal. Changing behaviors and thinking patterns is difficult, so we tend to fall back into old behaviors and thinking. It’s daunting to change and it’s work, but if you keep at it, it becomes the “new normal”. So yes, I totally understand where you’re coming from....

Hang in there, cause it does and can get better..

 

[Sunfl0wer]

It makes sense. I don't know who I am without it anymore. A part of me is afraid that if it goes away, I will lose my edge when it comes to fighting for a better society. At the same time, last time, I got better and thought that maybe everything would be alright, I just got tossed right back in it. I'm afraid that if I stop being careful, I'll be hurt again.

 

[Friday]

My experience is that I have to work so hard to deep 6 the parts of this thing I don't want, that all the parts I do? No worries. I get to keep those.