Vulnerability

[Deleted member 37474]

I was at therapy on Tuesday. We were talking about some stressors over the weekend that flooded in some memory fragments from a specific event in my childhood. Not even sure if these images are real. I was telling T that I wish I could curl up in a hole and hide. She asked me to tell her other times in my life that I felt this way. I seriously felt so young in this appointment. I kept floating in and out of the room, but when I was present I saw her write something in my file. I am just feeling a bit paranoid about that. Should I ask her what she wrote? Also, I can’t seem to process anything this week. I spent one day obsessively researching the last name of my friend who was part of this. Every night I have gone to bed with my T’s comforting voice in my head and me feeling so young. I have also felt it very difficult to feel normal around my husband. I am easily irritable and finding myself scared of men that I don’t know in my daily work day. When I do start to feel okay it comes back up in my dreams and I wake up feeling vulnerable. Any suggestions on how I can get myself back to normal at least until I see my T again?

 

[Muted]

Any suggestions on how I can get myself back to normal at least until I see my T again?

Have you tried a container? Sometimes it helps to close your eyes and imagine a container of some sort (you can even put a lock on it) and then place all of your feelings and specific memories in that container and leave them there until you see your t again.

 

[Deleted member 40995]

Researching usually does not help me, it only makes me even more overwhelmed. Just push that away and tell yourself you aren’t going to do any more researching right now. Focus on something else for right now, start a new project, finish a project, work on a hobby, start a tv series, anything that you can focus on until your next appt. :hug:

 

[MyWillow]

When I first discovered what a “knack” I have for dissociation my therapist suggested visualising a container.

I have a treasure chest on top of the clouds. It’s quite magnificent, has a lock and it’s much easier to put things in rather than take them out. That’s where I put unbearable thoughts and feelings and dreams until I’m ready to deal with them.

That feeling of wanting to curl up and hide - gosh I can relate. Every night for months and months. I haven’t had the courage to raise it with my T yet.

 

[EveHarrington]

Yep it’s a well known skill known as containment if you want to look up the various ways to use it.

 

[ladee]

The container is a great idea.... but I think I would also have to write about feeling so vulernable... but that is me.. I want to understand why I feel things... because along with writing about it, I can also reassure myself, it's ok... it's part of the healing journey, and that you are there as an adult to protect your vulnerable self.... but I also understand you needing to put it somewhere so as not to feel overwhelmed... wish I had known about the 'container' at many crossroads in my recovery..Great idea and apparently works... hope you find something that helps you.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

@TexCat...earlier this year during EMDR Therapy the T had me envision a box (aka container) to put what had come up during that particular session...into the make-believe (envisioned) box...and this worked for me.

Now when I'm upset...I go to my positive affirmation flashcards, also deep-breathing, and beautiful music. Also eft tapping and a nice warm bath, and some additional magnesium helps. Writing helps too. Being vulnerable...well I do so understand how you feel.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

I sent my T an email listing the stuff I had tried so far to become grounded. I also listed the new stressors that seem to be popping up everywhere. She sent me back some basic grounding techniques that I have used to help people in the chat room on here, I don’t know why I hadn’t remembered those. It is like when my SUDS jumps up, my mind forgets some very helpful things! I have tried the container thing and it just doesn’t seem to work for me. When I do emdr I typically distance myself from the trauma, I envision it in a thick glass box and I watch from the outside. She also sent me some encouraging words that I hope I can hang onto til next Wednesday. I think maybe the constantly changing schedules and soon to be holiday and family visits, my messy house, and lack of shopping for family gifts are also contributing to me feeling unstable. My p-doc wants me to up my anxiety meds. I can see why.

 

[MyWillow]

Sometimes it’s hard to see the wood for the trees @TexCat

Thinking of you xxx

 

[Freida]

envision it in a thick glass box and I watch from the outside.

I've never been able to get the container thing to work --- I'm going to try this!

 

[MyWillow]

@ladee sometimes I do both - write it down and put it in my magnificent treasure chest for later. Not sure when later is....