Intense "bursts" of anxiety

[whiteraven]

I've been in this place before but it feels weird and different. Maybe because I was doing better and now, well...all-of-a-sudden, it's back to this again.

I'm going through some medication switches, which account for both high levels of energy and extreme drowsiness (not sleeping well, or wasn't until the last day or so). But I had two reactions this week similar to what I had when we first started thinking I might have PTSD and, even though I'd been having them pretty much non-stop until I started the Effexor, they were so intense that they really scared me. And I'm back to feeling scared and not-safe again.

An ex-coworker showed up at work yesterday morning. She resigned a month or so ago under very contentious circumstances and blamed me for all of her issues. I didn't see her yesterday, but was told she was seen and I had nightmares last night and woke with extreme anxiety and in tears.

About 30min after I awoke, one of my cats fell when she was trying to jump onto the bathroom counter. She's ok, but it sent me into that anxiety crying/sobs, which I couldn't stop for close to an hour.

Therapist is off for two weeks, back for a week, then off again - out of the country - for another two. I feel completely out-of-control sometimes. I think maybe that and the holidays is contributing. We are working on some hard stuff, so I guess it makes sense, in a way.

I wonder if it will ever get better?

 

[New]

@whiteraven Just wanted to let you know I understand and it seems when I have a really good few weeks I feel on top of the world (I tend to forget/ignore my triggers) and then something will send me what feels like back to the beginning.

The article on here about the PTSD CUP explains why. Your medication change, ex coworker, therapist away, and your cat’s fall are stressors.

You are reacting perfectly normal so don’t be hard on yourself.

Sending hugs if you accept.

Let me know if you want me to add the link to the article on here.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I wonder if it will ever get better?

If you keep with your therapy and meds, it will get better eventually. Please do not be discouraged I know easier said than done. I have had periods in my life when I was almost symptom free and it does become all about learning how to manage symptoms in the end.

You will have some rough times to go through and I understand your question really well, because the bad days can be really horrible at times. It is said that it gets worse before it gets better and I tell you this so you know what to expect.

You did not get this way overnight and have so much to unlearn and learn. It will take time and work on yourself before it starts to get better. I am on Effexor too and it has really helped to stabalize me.

Please do a lot of self care for yourself and try not to beat yourself up. You can get through this.

 

[whiteraven]

@whiteraven Just wanted to let you know I understand and it seems when I have...

Thanks, @Faith Andrews. I forget sometimes and it sooo helps to have someone to remind me that my reactions are normal (in that PTSD-way). Your post reminded me that, even though I'm still having these reactions and it feels like I just will not make it most of the time, I think I am definitely managing them better. They don't happen as often - I'm rolling with things a lot better - and when they do, they don't last as long.

 

[whiteraven]

If you keep with your therapy and meds, it will get better eventually. Please do not be discouraged I know...

Thank you @Rain. I think what I find the most discouraging is that I've been at this a very long time. Not targeted treatment for these specific issues, but I've been in therapy as long as I can remember and have dealt with depression and dissociation all my life. I often think, "What the heck?" I mean, why'd it take so long? But...the majority of those therapists I saw before were just working with me in survival mode. And I don't think any of us knew all the crap that was lying underneath the surface. This one is finally helping me get at the important stuff.

Definitely going to do some self-care tonight and tomorrow. I'm a mess. :-)

 

[EveHarrington]

Yes!

Do lots and lots and lots of self care.

It will get better.

I promise!

(Going through med changes myself. They SUCK!)

 

[mamachick]

The medication changes can be so difficult, but they are only temporary thank goodness. What others have said is all I have too. I went through that a couple of months ago too and was having bursts of panic. Im sure the holiday does not help either.