Dissociation in therapy

[SinkorSwim]

Yesterday I had a session with T. I was spiraling through memories from my childhood. I knew I was dissociating so I put my head down in hopes to stop the memories. I just curled up in a ball and attempted to cry but nothing came out. I hate when I can't feel my feelings and am blocking myself from feeling them. I still feel like I am in a fog today I have tried everything under the sun to ground myself but can't seem to snap out of it. I went running last night and ran out in front of two cars. Which scared me a bit because they could have hit me and I wouldn't have even known. I'm afraid to drive my car as I feel like I am still not totally here today. I have never dissociated this bad before. This morning it took me an extra 30 minutes just to get out the door and go to work. My T helped me with grounding before we left and I was in an ok state. I just wish I would stop blocking myself and could figure out a way to stop dissociating.

 

[Muted]

I just wish I would stop blocking myself and could figure out a way to stop dissociating.

Have you done any parts work? It could be a younger protective part stopping you from feeling the pain. It’s important to take things slow if the dissociation of a part is severe. My experience is that it protects us from getting flooded with feelings that were not yet ready to handle.

 

[Friday]

When I’m trying to break out of being half zoned out music usually helps. I can usually connect there when I can’t connect anywhere else. And one connection trips over the dominos and allows for other connections.

But, same token, if it’s a protective measure, I find what works better to is to take a snow day. Put some actual distance in my life from my thoughts & feelings // remove stress & stressors // just take a step back and watch movies, play, eat, relax&blow off steam... and essentially convince my brain I can be trusted to take a break when I need one. This is too much right now, okay, take a break now and come back to it later. When I can do consciously, what my mind is doing subconsciously? My death grip on LaLa-land tends to relax.

 

[Lost Marbles]

Yesterday I had a session with T. I was spiraling through memories from my childhood

Here is my suggestion, when the memories spiral, try to focus on just one of those memories, the sites, the sounds, the smells, other persons present, your emotions etc. at that moment in time. I know, this sounds easy, it is not, it takes practice. I include my T when I do this. At the beginning of session I tell my T what memory I want to focus on, so when the floodgates spill open and I start to become overwhelmed, she can help me refocus. I have found this extremely helpful in processing those memories and emotions. I would suggest talking to your T about it and give it a try.

 

[SinkorSwim]

Thank you! I did some yoga last night and that helped to ground me a little. I then went to bed early and woke up with a clearer mind today. I have done parts work and I have two pretty dominant parts little Katie and teenager Katie. I can tell you that teenager Katie was out in full force. I know they exist I'm just not very good at talking back to them yet. I often feel like at one second I'm fine and then all of a sudden I'm not ok. I want to write some memories out but often find myself getting caught up in them and what I want to say. I think it will help me to break down my thoughts into little phrases and focus on each memory and go through them with her. Thank you for suggesting all of this!

 

[Sideways]

Maybe mention this to your T at the start of your next appointment as well, especially that you ended up jogging out in front of a couple of cars (done that, freaked me out!). It might help your T gauge a bit better how deep to go, and perhaps to do grounding interventions or self-soothing a little earlier.

Sometimes I get enough out of a therapy session that it’s worth the therapy-hangover dissociation that can continue for a few days after. But sometimes I have commitments that really mean I need to be functional the next day, and that impacts what work can be done in any given session.