Dom Violence Daughter's school just gave ex all my information...

[Beemo3780]

I feel like I'm going to throw up. My daughter is grown and in high school, I have full legal and physical custody of her, and my ex husband is not involved in our lives. I was granted by a court 7 years ago to move to a different state and my ex husband is not to know my address, my phone number, my email address, or any information. He is not allowed near me, or my home, and he does get visitation of my daughter for a total of 2 weeks out of the year, but he picks her up at an airport where he lives. We have no contact. Flights are planned through a third party, dates/approximate times are already chosen in advance, and I pay for all the travel expenses. My ex husband is violent, he attempted to kill me the last day we lived together when we were married.

Every year, I go down to my daughter's school office and drop off my custody paperwork and my order of protection. I have stressed several times to the school, DO NOT GIVE HIM MY INFO. They said they wouldn't be able to do that anyway because of privacy laws. I am terrified of the man, and I've spent a lot of money in court and otherwise making sure he can't hurt me again, and part of that is him knowing as little as possible.

My daughter's health teacher mailed out a letter to my ex and I and had both of our addresses on the actual letter. She's not doing well in driver's ed, which is peanuts to giving out my address to my ex husband!!! So now my daughter is freaking out, I'm livid and have called the school which they really are not taking this seriously which makes me feel like I'm the crazy person for getting worked up about it.

I don't even know what to do right now. I don't think I have to worry about my ex hopping in a car or whatever and driving 10 hours to show up at my house, but now he knows where I am.... I'm also 6 months pregnant and my brain is just coming up with all sorts of horrible scenarios and flashbacks of past abuse. He doesn't know I'm pregnant either, and that would be a huge issue for him as I refused to have anymore kids with him when we were married. My daughter was a surprise, and I got married to him because of her and family pressure. I wasn't going to bring another child into that. I'm happily remarried now and my husband is a great stepdad and a wonderful husband.

Is there any recourse I have right now? Do I call the superintendent of the school? Do I just calm down and not worry about it? This may seem small to anyone, but to me it's really scary.

 

[littleoc]

I don't know enough about this in a legal sense to give legal advice, so certainly wait for the next person. But I do know that this is illegal, and you should be able to take legal action for endangering you and your daughter. Go to the school and explain the problem, certainly, and I would take legal action if I were you (as much as is possible..).

I'm sorry this happened. I've had my university respond to my father's request for the university's insurance (he was not paying for college). Nothing came of it, thank god. The school was informed immediately of their stupidity. I don't know how it was handled after that, though.

Good luck.

 

[Muted]

I feel like I'm going to throw up. My daughter is grown and in high school, I have full legal and ph...

IMHO, That is a huge huge liability issue. First, I would document everything up to this point. Second, I would meet with minimum 2 different injury trial prepared attorneys. Pick the one that doesn’t pressure you into making decisions and one that you trust. Third, I cannot stress this one enough - I would NOT sign anything or accept any type of a settlement until you are fully aware of any and all damages that could possibly come from this.

 

[Anarchy]

My thoughts,
Lawyer up, and contact the school through the lawyer only

Chances are, when they realise the crap they're in, they'll try to put the blame on you somehow, or try turning it into a he said - she said situation

 

[Fadeaway]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I went through something similar recently, only it was my Dr.s office that gave my ex all of my information. My current state doesn't recognize the laws from my previous state so check to make sure your current state does because there doesn't seem to be to many states that recognize other states ruling to keep your address secret.

I would call the superintendent. This kind of stuff scares schools. However, it is too late if he already has your address so I would focus on ways to stay safe. Get a p.o. box. file a change of address with the school to the p.o. box. Alert the police so they know a head of time that issues may arise.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Be safe as you can and make arrangements for your daughter to be safe at school too. I would let a really good lawyer deal with the school. I am praying for all of you to have safety from this dangerous vile man.:hug:

 

[Deleted member 541]

Lawyer, lawyer, lawyer. That’s the first thing I would have done after screaming at the school that I was going to sue their asses......

 

[Beemo3780]

My husband is a corporate lawyer, and not exactly the kind that I need but he's dealing with this now at this point though. He basically called them and asked them what they are doing to rectify the situation, but they are not responding with any information. The school also knows my husband is a lawyer, so I think that's why they are handling it the way they are now.

The school is flat out avoiding us because I think they know they screwed up. They are acting like it's not a big deal at all, and I kinda feel like marching down to the administrator's office with pictures in hand of what my ex did to me during my very last encounter with him just so they get how serious this is. My ex is allowed independent information about my daughter at school, but he is not allowed to know any private information involving me. The thing is that my ex also never has anything to do with my daughter's education. He has never once been involved in any of that stuff out of his own choice. But he does make it a point to add his information to the school's records whenever my daughter goes to a new school. When she first started middle school, he had told the school he had joint custody but did not provide them any proof. That school called me immediately because I had given them all the paperwork that stated that he did not even have unsupervised visitation at the time. I honestly don't think the school my daughter is at now even knew the teacher was sending these letters home, and I have no clue where the teacher got his info from, but he screwed up.

You can't do PO Boxes with the public school districts, I've tried. I also had all my info transferred down to my current state's court practically the same week I moved. We own our own home, and have also gone to great lengths at making sure my ex can't just look up the property information. In order to go into hiding from him, it cost us a fortune. The only issue we've had in the past was the airline once gave him my phone number, but a phone number is a lot easier to change than a living situation. I've been able to live a pretty normal life with some major precautions.

So far though, my ex has not called my daughter about the letter, so we wonder if he got it, or even noticed the address. He does like to blow tiny things out of proportion so we thought we'd hear something from him by now. Like for example, my daughter needed a tooth pulled when she was having her braces put on, which she told him that she might not be able to talk on the phone afterwards. It was a baby tooth and she wasn't being put under or anything. He likened the whole thing to my daughter is having major surgery and we did not notify him, and we got dragged into court, which the judge threw out that day. We thought for sure he would take the opportunity to flip out over my daughter not doing well in driver's ed which would clearly mean I'm a bad parent and he needs to step in or something. That's usually his mindset.

This is seriously a man who took me to court to have my order of protection dropped and get access to my home (like he wanted a key), and when the judge told him that there was no court that would ever grant him access to my home, he said point blank, "I would only go into her house when necessary". Didn't see anything wrong with that statement. Who even thinks that way? To want a key to go into your ex wife's of 7+ years house that she shares with her new husband so you can go in when you want to. I remember even the stenographer in the courtroom gave me a look like, "I'm so sorry".

So, I'm just waiting right now to find out how this is going to play out. I'm just trying to keep to my usual day to day stuff, and I have two large dogs in the house that will bark if they hear anything. I'm livid with the school though. They are supposed to protect the kids at their school. Luckily my daughter is old enough, she'll let me know if something weird happens while she's there.

The other thing about my ex is he can be charming when you first meet him. He has that way of talking to people that makes him seem to be this super nice guy. He likes to tell everyone all about the "truth" as he calls it. He's told my daughter's other school this whole sob story about how I took my daughter and just moved away and he never sees her anymore. We were in court nearly 2 years and I had spent over $20,000, and was not guaranteed the right to move, but everyone in that courtroom wanted to keep him away from me. The bailiff had to have me sit in a separate room with the door locked because my ex would try to knock me down when he passed by me in the hallway, or he'd pace back and forth near where I was. I have a video of him waving at me and smiling during court. He's nuts. The only reason he avoided serious jail time was because he played the drug addiction card and went to rehab instead.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am so sorry that you have had such heartache with this sick and twisted guy in your life. I think that you are so very brave and couragous for fighting back and not giving up ever. I pray for the day when he detaches from you and finally leaves you alone to live your life in peace.:hug::hug::hug:

 

[Beemo3780]

My friends are always telling me that I'm some strong person, even my husband too, but I've never thought of it that way at all. I'm just being a mom, and my kids come first, but my safety is imperative for theirs. I don't really get too close to people or live a public life because of him, like there's no Facebook, or when I lived near him I wasn't going out in fear he could be there. I avoid anyone that has any connection to him, which some people think I'm standoffish just from that, but I'm not going to risk anything. My closest friends and family know what's up, so really that's all that matters. My MIL doesn't know anything and repeatedly compares my divorce to her own which is weird because my FIL is awesome.

I wish he would give up too. We were separated 9 years ago, it took 2 years to divorce, and it's been about 7 years since. A police officer once told me that 7 years usually does it and they go away, mine hasn't. He's had girlfriends too, but he usually is using them for some reason. His longest term one would give him money and she came to a lot of the court stuff. I had never met her, didn't know anything about her, but she really wanted to destroy me and take my daughter because she wanted kids herself. The most recent one is a homeless girl from what my daughter tells me. My ex met her on the street and she moved into his communal apartment that he shares with like 3 other people. I'll never get why he just doesn't leave me alone. He wasn't ordered to pay child support or anything, and he doesn't contribute financially, so I don't get it.

 

[dulcia]

I agree with everyone else -- the school needs to be held accountable for this.

 

[Anarchy]

My husband is a corporate lawyer, and not exactly the kind that I need but he's dealing with this now

That is good news!

I honestly don't think the school my daughter is at now even knew the teacher was sending these letters home, and I have no clue where the teacher got his info from, but he screwed up.

Its was done for his work, and the information was obtained as part of his work - whether the head and the admin of the school likes it or not, the imaginary "person" of the school is responsible for the tort of its employee.

Unfortunately there's not an emoji here with $ $ for eyes.

It doesn't compensate you for the worry, but It will cause procedures to be tightened at the school, and probably at other schools too.

Wishing you good luck and a swifter end to the worry.