What is wrong with me!?!

[419can.dance]

At what point does crisis mode end?

Will I feel like this forever?

Completely lost in a world full of emotions. Being drug down for a decision I made on a whim. One video 30 seconds and my entire day crumbling!
Typical of me to shove myself face first into crisis mode! I can’t breathe, my hands are sweaty, my stomach is in knots and I don’t know how to fix it!

Let’s take a walk outside. But around each corner there could be something worse. I’m safer in my closet. Sure to not let anyone down. Simply letting myself down I’m not smiling, chatting Or completing any other daily task that a typical 26 year-old would.

What is wrong with me? The pain it comes and goes. Mostly comes and I cannot let go. The shaking. The nausea. The lack of trust for myself and others. What is wrong with me?

 

[Deleted member 541]

It’s called PTSD if you’ve been diagnosed, and it sucks. Work on ripping apart your trauma. Face those triggers head on and find out why they bother you. Tear apart ever emotion you have about what happened to you, and you will get better. It will take time, patience and determination, but it can be done...

 

[419can.dance]

It’s called PTSD if you’ve been diagnosed, and it sucks. Work on ripping apart your trauma. Face th...

Patience is the hardest part! My trauma… Wow it’s weird to call it trauma myself! Has made me who I am today. Even though I can’t remember most of it…

 

[Deleted member 541]

Sometimes not remembering can be a blessing. I can’t remember a lot, but the things I do remember, I wish I couldn’t. It’s evil either way....

 

[Deleted member 8714]

the things I do remember, I wish I couldn’t. It’s evil either way....

Yes. There's a song with words which say, "I've done things I wish I hadn't done. I've seen things I wish I hadn't seen." I can relate to both. At times I'm thankful I remembered so I don't feel insane, at other times I wish I never remembered.

What is wrong with me?

You're got PTSD, the curse that keeps on giving. There's good days and bad days. Sometimes it seems that the bad ones outnumber the good ones. As you heal the good ones outnumber the bad ones.

 

[Sweetleaf]

Wow it’s weird to call it trauma myself! Has made me who I am today.

I know how you feel, it does feel weird to tag the word "trauma" onto all of those experiences. It has made me who I am today but at the same time, many of the ways in which I have changed have been negative. It's all certainly given me a massive perspective shift. I do feel lucky to be alive, but I don't like the new me so much. At least I'm free. Maybe with more time I'll gain a better opinion of myself.

If there were a button that could erase all those memories, I would totally smash the shit out of that button. Yes please! I'd even settle for deleting a few especially awful ones.

 

[vikingr24]

Been there and I understand. I had terrible panic attacks in the safest of situations and people wondered what the hell was going on. I always felt as though something was going to happen.

Drugs helped but I could not take those drugs my whole life. I finally was taught the warrior posture. We do this posture even if we were never at war. Our shoulders raise, our eyes widen, blood rushes to our legs, away from our brain, our stomach churns to develop energy quicker and we feel nausea, muscles tighten all over, and most of all, our breathing gets shallower and shallower.

You must get to the point that you recognize this posture or moment. In all the worry and anxiety and panic, stop a moment. Tell your Self to stop a moment and just do nothing. Then slowly inhale using your belly, not your shoulders. When you breath with your shoulders, you are basically putting more carbon dioxide in your brain, causing this confusion to worsen. Breathing from the belly brings more oxygen to your brain, and helps you out of the spiral of anxiety that is a panic attack.

Keep breathing in, at a count of say, 6. Then breath out at the same count. Then slowly increase that number and by 9 or 10 you will feel some relief. Your shoulders fall. Your pulse slows down. You are thinking more clear. The spiral slows down and eventually stops.

It has been proven to work as well as any tranquilizer. You don't have to fumble for pills or worry about addiction -- another worry.

Get to some talk therapy. Make sure you get enough sleep. See a doctor (if you have not already) about the possibility of PTSD, but at least anxiety. Be open, honest.

Luck....