Are shame and disgust the hardest emotions to tolerate?

[Fejo]

My therapist said that in her practice, she's found that shame and disgust are the hardest emotions to tolerate. I'd have to agree. My own disgust with myself lately is a fresh hell that I never imagined. It makes the depression I'm used to look like a picnic by comparison. I feel like there's no way to get used to it or "ride it out." You can only hope to distract yourself.

I don't feel like it's possible to go on like this. I think shame and disgust must be the true causes of most suicides. And whatever existential drivel left in people's suicide notes is a cover for the truth they couldn't bear for anyone to know even in death.

Any tips on dealing with these emotions?

 

[Wipur]

I'm with you. For me shame is really difficult and taxing on the soul. Think we have to remember it's not our fault and each of us know how truly hard we have fought in our past and how hard we continue to fight. I think people with PTSD are some of the most "real" and strongest people I have ever come across.

Sometimes to show myself compassion I think of how I would want my nephew to be treated in a similar situation. The filter I look through with that thought is much clearer than my daily wear glasses.

Sending good mojo

 

[Fejo]

we have to remember it's not our fault

Except when it is.... At least in part....

 

[Abela]

Shame is toxic.
Disgust is toxic.
Blah.

 

[Tisoh]

Except when it is.... At least in part..

Even then, learning self compassion is incredibly important. It’s a slow, slow process, but there is nothing you’ve done that you cannot forigve yourself for. Making mistakes is part of being human.

Working through shame and disgust forms a great big part of the healing process for many of us. Learning self compassion can start as a completely foreign and awful concept, but slowly you will get there. You will.

 

[Tezi]

My therapist said that in her practice, she's found that shame and disgust are the hardest emotions to tolerate. I'd have...

I self-studied SHAME. Don't know much about disgust. Shame is a Primitive Emotion: The very 1st emotion developed a few "experts" report. There is Natural Shame that's considered healthy because it makes us feel badly when we have something bad/wrong regardless of getting caught or punished. {I don't like myself now because I just violated my own code of ethics, morals, values}. There is Toxic Shame that some of us have internalized to such a degree that it becomes an identity of sorts. One ends up with a constant feeling/belief of be defective to the core. {I never like myself because I am unfit, deeply flawed, completely bad/wrong}.
Being a shamed-based person, full of toxic shame at core, is caused by Being Shamed by people during developmental years. Toxic shame is an old, deeply encoded in personality wound that requires deep digging & determined desire for an improved mind-set. Brain training to leave automatic thoughts & feelings and replace with confidence building thoughts. Must starve the bad core AND plant & nourish the new improved. It IS daily difficult work! That's what I know.
John Bradshaw - book "Healing The Shame..."
Brene Brown, author of several books. She studied & researched shame for years.

that he/she is defectivenot right. keeps us humble enough to know when we

 

[Vupara]

Agree with the above but not a fan of Brene Brown. Don't find her authentic at all.

 

[Ofawuj]

I think Brené Brown is awesome!

Who cares about authenticity?

Her messages are spot on and have helped me so much.

 

[Kohuduw]

I think Brené Brown is awesome!

Who cares about authenticity?

Her messages are spot on and have helped me so much.[...

Because if you don't find the message your teacher is giving to be authentic and real than you have no respect for the lesson. It would be like having a murderer preach to you about the importance of life. I don't like or dislike her. She is fine and I think if you can find meaning in her message that is great. I find her tweets and memes to be ho-hum at times. It's like she is trying to force a message.

Back to topic, shame for me holds me back extensively. I hate it and quite frankly am sick of it. Shame is my single largest hurdle as it pertains to my healing... perfection is the next. Good luck and keep posting how it is you evolve with this.

 

[Hazara]

This neuroscience explains how and why we get hooked on shame and other negative emotions and what we can do to shift it

New Neuroscience Reveals 4 Rituals That Will Make You Happy - Barking Up The Wrong Tree

 

[Fejo]

This neuroscience explains how and why we get hooked on shame and other negative emotions and what we can do to shift it

Thanks for this. I admit I only skimmed through the article. It seems to suggest that emotions can be neutralized with practice...kind of a CBT thing? My problem with this is that my memories contain content that would trigger shame and disgust in anyone. It's just the normal, healthy human response to the content. I don't think I'm capable of turning off that response. If you see a pile of squirming maggots, you are going to feel disgust, right? It's biological. If I have a memory whose content is naturally disgusting to humans, I'm going to feel disgust.

 

[Acubo]

If I have a memory whose content is naturally disgusting to humans, I'm going to feel disgust.

But directed where?

That’s disgusting!
They’re disgusting!
I’m disgusting!

Or some combo of the above?