Food thread! how has trauma played into food behaviors?

[littleoc]

I and several other members (I'd name you all, but I cant remember the names well... but you know who you are!) noticed suddenly in the chat room the other day that a lot of us seemed to have various kinds of food issues.

Some of us hoard food, some of us become a bit afraid to look at ways to lose weight (a big trigger), and etc.

So, let's start a food thread :) How has trauma played into your food behaviors?

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I'll start. I was denied food as a child, either because of neglect or as punishment. So, today, I have food stashes in random locations. Whenever I go out and free food is offered, I often get way too much, and bring it home to store for a while. The one thing I stole a lot as a kid was food.

I now have smaller food stashes, and they are things that generally won't expire. I've been able to keep food in cabinets with all the other food, for everyone to eat :) I haven't quite figured out every way to get rid of the fear of starving, but I'm getting there! Having non-perishables seems to be a good way to cope so far.


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So, what about you? What things do you have with food? And what do you do to get better, if anything? :)

 

[Vee]

I comfort eat :( ...and because of neglect as a child, when I have a meal, I always eat until I'm stuffed.

My relationship with food is better than it used to be, but I still struggle. What else can I say? I'm a work in progress.

 

[Fadeaway]

So, technically I don't fall in to qualifications for an eating disorder but I am super controlling with food. I have a fairly minuted diet because because I will only eat organic and zero processed foods, but I am poor, so I have learned to eat super healthy for cheap but limited on the variety. Part of it might be a control thing. I also research the companies I source my food from for ethic reasons. Labor issues, workers rights, etc. I eat animal products but I have to know how the animals are raised and the kill method. I am super picky in making sure the animals are humanely raised and killed without fear. So, I really limit what I actually eat to an unhealthy level.

I was raised mostly on junk food when I wasn't being starved so I know I have major issues around food.

 

[Mee]

Yeah. Pretty serious comfort eating has been going on. I have gained seventy pounds since the incident that triggered my ptsd. Immediately after I ate nothing for three weeks. Then when I started its like I couldn’t stop .

My theory is that food releases those little bursts of short lived endorphins and they have been small injections if positive feeling in the mire of traumatic anxiety and depression and fear and all those other negative emotions.

I am normally rather regimented about diet ( as my weight gain shows, I gain weight easily) and getting back into my structured lifestyle or ‘tighter’ to lose weight seems somewhat daunting.

 

[littleoc]

So, technically I don't fall in to qualifications for an eating disorder but I am super controlling wi...

I can respect where much of that is coming from. The morals and ethics, I mean. I have hung out with many of the animal species that were served to me in college. I worked on the farm for a while and made it my duty to be sure the animals were happy. I'd had a hard time with animal products before that point, so...

The main effect is that I really want my own chickens :P

I think I'm going overboard when I start worrying about plants? But on the bright side, fungus doesn't seem to care much about losing their, uh, reproductive structures. :P

@Vee I relate to that 100%. I've gotten in the habit of asking myself of what I'm about to eat will be "useful" -- as in, is it just sugar or something I can't digest? Or is it something that'll benefit me a little more? It helps a little :)

I am normally rather regimented about diet ( as my weight gain shows, I gain weight easily) and getting back into my structured lifestyle or ‘tighter’ to lose weight seems somewhat daunting.

I feel that :( I don't have much to lose (yet), but trying to figure out how to get it done has been confusing and often contradictory. Even with a scientist's training I can't pick out which studies are good -- most of them are not. Diet science is one of the least trustworthy ones out there :( But some people seem to have success!

 

[Fadeaway]

@littleoc The thing to keep in mind is there is no such thing as one size fits all. Conflicting data exists for two main reasons. #1 many of the studies are funded by companies that only publish results that promote their products.

#2 Everyone has different dietary needs. The key is figuring out what works for you. Your genetics and lifestyle make a difference. If your ancestors were herders who lived in harsh climates with a very short growing season, you probably need a diet with more animal protein in it. If they were coastal people you probably do well adding more fish to your diet. Farmers/horticulturalists? You might do better on a vegan diet.

What foods do you crave? What foods make you feel sluggish and what foods give you energy? Start a food journal/wellness journal. I can tell you what worked for me, but it is meaningless to do so because what works for me might not have the right balance of nutrients for you and might make you sick.

The one tip I will give anyone is to through away their scale and buy a fabric measuring tape. Stop looking at weight and measure yourself and put pencil marks with the date on the measuring tape to keep track. Someone with a smaller waist line can weigh more than someone of the same height and build than someone with a larger waist line due to muscle and fluid retention. Scales are deceiving.

 

[Friday]

<grin> I’ve been meaning to do something like this for a long time. In large part because whilst some of this stuff I’m very aware of, others I keep being reminded of (how did I forget that? Again???), whilst others I stumble across and go....oh. Yeah. Well that appears to be a thing. Dammit. :facepalm:

So at least a few to start

From something I’d written elsewhere

Food in general is... Difficult. During my good years I learned to treat food like a hedonistic experience in order to get around the worst bits of it. Lots of potlucks and parties, themes & other things to concentrate on that were distracting from the food itself. Without a whole lot of other layers added to food (sensory, social, etc.) eating isn't impossible, just very very challenging

Food Quirks

- Water is one of the hardest. I don't drink water, as a rule. If I am drinking water? I'm also usually armed. Or sick as hell. (This has multiple points of origin & reinforcement, but primarily comes from being tortured.)
- Food that’s gone bad. (captivity & military / dysentary)
- Food that’s been -or MAY have been- tampered with in any kind of way. (captivity & stalking)
- Has the texture of bugs in my mouth (captivity & military)

Food Behaviors

- Not hungry until I’m starving (military, paramilitary, & captivity)
- Protein, Protein, Protein! (Paramilitary & captivity >>> kwashiorkor)
- Complete Proteins
- Sugar! Brain needs glucose. Fullstop. (Captivity & working the ER during Atkins)
- Hate feeling full / pressure from the inside (starving, pregnancy & rape, abdominal injuries, fighting - feeling slow/sluggish & needing to be alert & agile)
- cacheing (multiple points of origin & reinforcement)
- research & education

Body

- If I’m not fit ...my life, and the lives of those around me, are at risk.
- If I’m not fit, I’m weak ...& weakness is wrong

 

[Fadeaway]

@Friday different reasons entirely but I can relate to your food behaviors. I have a strong 'prepare now for leaner times' drive so lot's of frozen leftovers that just need defrosting. While I have never done it, I often think about packing and spare room in my freezer with ice in case of a power outage.

Fitness. That is what I need to work on. Weight doesn't = fitness.

- If I’m not fit ...my life, and the lives of those around me, are at risk.

That is a burden I wouldn't want.

 

[jaccat]

Food has been a big issue all my life, because of neglect when I was a baby. I've a whole childhood of weird food habits, leading to near death from gastorenteritis combined with malnutrition because I consistently refused to eat. Later, ocd-like behaviour where I would literally only eat the same meal, served the same way, every day, for months, and after that, as a teen, a period of enforced restriction where I'd only allow myself one meal a day. Those behaviours were more about control.

I wouldn't eat fruit ot veg, except for potatoes, right up until I was in my mid twenties. Was pretty much phobic about them. Then, and I can't explain how, I not only started eating vegetables, but stopped eating meat overnight (becoming a vegetarian). I still struggle with fruit. I just can't make it natural. I can eat it cooked, in puddings, most of the time, but give me an apple and I get massive anxiety. I'm not sure that's ever going to change, no matter how much I want it to.

 

[littleoc]

@littleoc The thing to keep in mind is there is no such thing as one size fits all....

Thank you! That's possibly the most helpful things I've read on the subject! :)

@Friday I was actually browsing food topics on this forum earlier and saw much of that! I've got different yet similar reasons (that I think I've already said? but even if I didn't it's not like it's hard to guess, :P ), but I understand much of what you're saying. Food feels like survival and therefore is also a boundary to keep pushing for strength.

And on that same note, @jaccat , it makes sense to control food like that. A good way of control is definitely through food.

Thanks for all the responses so far :D

 

[ladee]

Food... something we have to have, on some level, and a huge issue. I can NOT stand to feel a full stomach. Anorexic at one point, for many years, then weight gain... then finding a balance... I am 67 yrs. old. Have chronic pain, from arthritis and past injuries, broken bones, ect.. so not as agile as I used to be... some foods cause a pain flare up... I don't eat it again. Some food causes an IBS flair up... avoid it like the plague afterward.
I too will eat the same thing for days or months. Do not like to go out and eat... paranoid about their kitchen and what is alive and brewing in there.

A lot of shame about food growing up... after loosing a child, I binged... just to feel 'full' from the void . Food being a source of oral gratification... over ate when lonely. Had no one to talk with.

Have always been poor, so have dental issues with missing teeth. Hate to be in public eating... so try to find something that I can eat, and be less conspicuous when chewing and that won't make me sick.

Food is something I HAVE to do in order to stay alive.. If I could just pop a pill or two each day that gave me all my body needed,and my brain would perceive that as a meal in my stomach, I would be very happy... and I would NEVER have to do dishes again... and would use the same glass for all my liquids... just wash it in between needs...

Some people live to eat, others eat to live... I'm the latter... just thinking about it makes me tired.

 

[Mach123]

To quote a great old friend and one of my all time favorite shows, "Food, the final frontier."