Countdown to admittance

[mumstheword]

Face is leaking loads right now. Group therapy topic for the week Attachment styles and theory.
Lots of grief there for me. Sitting in group room after a writing session and my face won't stop leaking.
Thank you friends for being here! This is hard painful and messy!

 

[Freida]

Hard painful messy.....that must mean you are doing it right!!

So happy for leaky face --- it means the poison is letting go

 

[Sideways]

Wow - attachment theory. Sounds like a pretty tough week ahead:(

Reaching out a hand to you, just to let you know we’re here.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

(((((( :hug: ))))))
BIG HUGS AND LOTS OF PRAYERS!!:hug:
:hug: YOU are SUCH an inspiration!!! THANK YOU!!!:hug:

 

[mumstheword]

Love you guys (gals), friends, not sure what you don't mind being called.:hug:
Hey @Sideways , Bec says to say hi, she turned up today.
Afternoon class was easier, really good article on disorganized attachment. Not many of us spoke but I and Bec started to bond, I think. I shared what I had written. Most of the group are regulars, I and A very young woman are the only newbies. I think I'm doing ok for my first admission.

I was so overloaded after this morning's session I went into a dissociative sleep mode with very distressing dreams about having an extreme meltdown in hospital and being treated very callously, so waking up was a relief. Head was pounding. Resorted to drugs again, just a small dose of valium and an analgesic/anti-inflammatory. :woot::notworthy::sleep::O_o::shy::rolleyes:

 

[Sideways]

Bec is such good value to have in the group - she’s a bright puppy, and I always found her contributions really thoughtful and helpful. It’s always good to have people in the group who are keen to engage in a dialogue of ideas.

She’s also pretty darn good company and super easy to get along with. If memory serves me correctly, she’s the go-to person in the group if you’re looking for a yoga buddy;)

 

[mumstheword]

Wow. Giant week. Lots of heights and depths. Lots of seeing some of my issues with a lot more clarity and getting the idea that what I'm struggling with is not so different from many others who are here for the same program.

@Sideways - Bec is Great! I feel like I've found another kindred soul and tribe sister.

@AngelkeeperJ/AKJ Thank you dear friend! I So kind. I hope you are remembering to practice more kindness to yourself, you are SO KIND to so many of us here! I'm sure I speak for many when say please apply (at least a little of) the kindness you give here to us back to you. We love you and want you well and self -compassion is really necessary in the getting well arena.

 

[ladee]

Sooo good to hear from you Mum !!! @Sideways implied it was going to be a tough week... and clarity..... hope that really starts to make things more understandable and less of a struggle... doing some awesome hard work.... can't wait to learn from you... and hoping you get to leave a ton of stuff there when you leave.. lots of hugs and prayers for continued learning and letting go and learning new things...

 

[Freida]

So happy its going well - and that you found a sister!

 

[mumstheword]

This week our focus is cognitive distortions. Another topic that has proved very emotive for me. I started a thread about it in the relevant forum The "loser" cognitive distortion

 

[mumstheword]

Hi friends.:hug:
Words have escaped me a lot lately.

So much integrating and healing taking place. It's hectic adjusting to outside life again and well, let's face, hectic is my life story. As some, or many of you, know, I've given birth to seven people, so that's pretty insane for someone who has cptsd.

I was taken advantage of (and had it been USA, it would have been classified as statutory rape) by a man, twice my age, as a homeless, suffering, sixteen year old and now my oldest son is 27. I lived a very hard life, trying to damage-control baring a child as a "wounded child" myself, and ended up providing 6 siblings for that young man.

Their father is not a well or a trustworthy man so my life is fraught with concern for my children's well-being because of the issues they face due to their parents.

I no longer live with their Dad, haven't for 8 years now. He managed to parentally ailienate me and many of my children for a significant portion of that time, but only with the ones who were already teens when I left.

At the point of leaving, I knew, without a doubt, that if I didn't leave then, I wouldn't last, on this planet much longer. I was exceedingly unwell, having been abused and criminally neglected and kept isolated and marginalized by abusers for my entire life, other than a brief period where I was homeless and experienced plenty of sexual abuse, druggings, assaults and exploitation during that time.

I still have my two youngest in my care. My 2nd born, who is disabled, is in supported accommodation and has a wonderful day program, which I am proud of myself for facilitating.

Now my 4th youngest son wants to live with me too, and my oldest daughter is desperate to be independent of narcy Dad and living closer to me, as well.

I am so blessed for the opportunity to receive the care I got in Belmont. It's like nothing I've ever experienced before. It was my first truly safe and adequately cared-for residential experience of my life. I will be returning in early July. I feel different. Things are shifting. I feel stronger, less frightened, more like a person with rights who matters, than ever before.
I have hope, that I can support my children to recover from what they have endured as well.

Life is looking up. Ease, instead of dis-ease, is growing, for me.:happy:

 

[Freida]

I am so very, very happy for you that you almost made me sniffle!!! A happy ending to this part of your life is so very well deserved - and I am excited you get to go back in July!