Is it avoidance when i am really upset about bystanders?

[Mee]

....is it avoidance that I am really upset about bystanders ? That justice is failing so many people?

I don’t think I am avoiding my Circumstances but that I feel so very let down by society when others cope ok afterwards feels maybe I am at fault.

I will say that I was always kind of interested in impact of others actions and ‘moral’ behaviour. But the weight of the lack of justice for so many AND ME, and the failure of so many to say ’ its wrong’ or to say its wromv then not act in a way tthat backs their words.

I am trying now to work on volunteering with my husband in these areas but I also feel why do I want to reenter a world where this is how people are? It's not just this perps that are unsafe its all the people who enable or bystand.

I wonder if that so much if my thought is this is somehow avoiding something

 

[Marinna]

I'm not sure about avoidance. I think the anger is justifiable. Evil only prospers when good men do nothing after all.

 

[Marinna]

My trauma was witnessing a fatal crime. Saw the bystander effect in full force. Took me and this bloke to 'act' to get the neighbourhood to act. Still so many people stayed in their homes. Can't blame them in that situation really (life threatending), but enabling interpersonal trauma is awful IMO. Especially if a child is involved.

 

[Mee]

I think you were brave to act and it shows you bucked the trend. I am so sorry it traumatised you :(

 

[Marinna]

I think you were brave to act and it shows you bucked the trend. I am so sorry it traumatised you :([/QUO...

I volunteered with law enforcement so I had no choice really (swore an oath and all). I always wonder about how the bystanders felt though? Maybe thinking about this could help with the anger? I felt so much survivors guilt and I helped. The bystanders much have that 10x worse in a way?!

 

[Friday]

I’m the kind of person who always ran towards trouble.

People who had to be trained to run towards trouble? Confused me. But at least they did it, wanted it, taught themselves (by choosing the life / having others teach them they chose to learn). Sure, some never really could hack it, but they tended to back out fairly early. The rest? They were here, doing what we did.

The rest of everyone? I don’t f*cking understand. Never have, probably never will. I can enjoy their company, respect them in many different ways, but I won’t ever really trust them. They’re not my people. The sense of rightness doesn’t exist with them.

I don’t have a problem per se with avoidance. Just like I don’t no have a problem with selfishness, manipulation, etc. They’re just things. Sometimes good sometimes bad, often fairly neutral. It really depends on how they’re being used, by whom, to what purpose.

So when I ask myself if it’s avoidance to want to be WITH my people? To avoid those I don’t understand/trust? I don’t think so. Not in the PTSD sense of avoidance. But not because :eek: avoidance! Nooo! Can’t do that! ;)

When I’m avoiding crowds because I don’t want to have to deal with the stress, relationships because of the risk, jobs because of the pain? Yup. That’s avoidance in spades. Things I want or need but avoid because of what comes along with them. But avoiding eedjits? Nah. That right there is just common damn sense.

 

[Marinna]

I’m the kind of person who always ran towards trouble.

People who had to be trained to run to...

I love this post as a fairly quiet shy and underconfident person, I DID have to be trained to run towards trouble. The desire to help was there. The courage lacking somewhat... I guess I proved myself in the end. I think a lot of people don't know how to react till they have been there. I think freeze and flight are perfectly reasonable reactions in emergency situations. Just call the cops, throw a rock, scream for help. DO something.

 

[Gs172003]

I'm like @Friday in that I run to it. I've been known to jump out of my vehicle to help a man that fell off his motorcycle. I've ran across the street to help another man that had fallen. I ran downstairs to a group of kids that wrecked their car. Turned out to be a dui.
Etc etc etc .
I can't see walking past somebody like that.

 

[Gs172003]

* I ran across traffic I should say

I don't even think twice. I'm probably crazy for it.

 

[Mee]

I am so grateful the world has you all in it. I’m like this too.

One of my concerns is less obvious situations. Domestic violence. Abuse. Rape.

I feel it’s possible that shame and blaming of my trauma is a considerable impact of how it hit so deep: that had my community been supportive or indeed proactive, I might have been less traumatised. When I hear or read people saying ‘don’t get involved’ about things like domestic trouble, cheating, abuse etc it makes me feel very upset.

Ultimately I know I had culpability to leave my situation when I was adult ; but the impact of bystanders is something I keep coming back to.

 

[Marinna]

I am so grateful the world has you all in it. I’m like this too.

One of my concerns is less obvious s...

I think this is the most damaging example dv, abuse etc. Inaction one time in an emergency situation can be understandable.... but watching someones life get destroyed? Screw that. We here you. You aren't avoiding. You are pissed at injustice. There is a difference.

 

[Gs172003]

I am so grateful the world has you all in it. I’m like this too.

One of my concerns is less obvious s...

My daughter had a friend that was in an abusive relationship. She and a few others tried to talk to her and let her know they were there and offer her support. She just got mad and cut them off. However my sister claims she didn't step in during mine when I was having problems because " I wouldnt have believed her anyway". She didn't even try. I don't get it. My daughter was truly worried about her friend, apparently my sister wasn't all that worried about me. I guess everybody sees this stuff different.