How do i be more caring/nicer to my husband

[Gs172003]

I don't trust him and I don't feel loving towards him. He rarely talks to me at this point and says it is because I am so critical. How do I be nicer?

 

[LuckiLee]

Tone of voice. I don't know how many times I thought J was mad and come to find out. Nope. Not mad at all. It's not what he says but how he says it.

We're going through this crap right now.
It's great you're trying to figure it out. That's nice right there!!

 

[Mach123]

Stop withholding your love and approval from him. I know this sounds flip, but it's based on an almost 30 year marriage. It also comes from the book "The Sedona Method." It's hard to be vulnerable, but I think someone has to. Of course, you'd rather it be him, but I don't think it matters, it just matters that someone does it. Love conquers all. Once you become totally vulnerable to that other person, which I understand goes against everything, they feel it, don't worry. I'm sure you love him, or you wouldn't have asked, which is beautiful. It's so flipping hard to do this, but I did it. (To the extent I was able) We were killing each other. I had thought for years "why don't you just give up and stop fighting with her?" Because it's like dying, that's why. I knew I really loved her and I couldn't understand a lot of the time why we were always fighting. It made me so sad to fight with her and I thought we'd have to divorce. I thought if I gave up and became a doormat, which is not what I mean at all, she'd finish me, lol. Well, she almost did, there were a lot of years of stuff that built up while we were at war. I should mention we were in church to a greater or lesser degree all this time, which just gave us more stuff to fight about. Now it's years later. It's not perfect at all, it can't be, but it's better. When she saw/felt me making that effort, she came around to the extent she was able. It's the hardest thing ever, but it's worth it. I have to get up every day and start doing it again, I always want to fight back. It just seems though that the less I fight with her the less she fights with me? It's not known as the battle between the sexes for nothing I guess. When it's good, it's so good. : )

 

[Gs172003]

Tone of voice. I don't know how many times I thought J was mad and come to find out. Nope. Not mad at...

Thank you

Stop withholding your love and approval from him. I know this sounds flip, but it's based on an almost...

Good stuff thanks

 

[Hojay]

One thing that revolutionized communication with my SO? Practicing saying what you really feel rather than why you feel that way or your judgements of what you’re feeling. It’s the difference between: “I’m sad because we never see each other and I miss you” and “You came home late last night again and I had to eat by myself. Don’t you love me anymore?”

 

[blackemerald1]

@Zoogal - I'm worried for you. Therapist, job and hubby. What's going on sweetie?
I think you are exhausted right now. Is there an anniversary coming up or something dragging you backwards?:hug:

 

[Gs172003]

@Zoogal - I'm worried for you. Therapist, job and hubby. What's going on sweeti...

There's alot going on. Thank you for asking. Not sure about anniversary as my memories are vague.

 

[blackemerald1]

Well then first work on keeping calm and not making any massive decisions until you pass through this time. And you will pass through it. So if hubby thinks you are critical...don't fight him over this right now. Let him have his opinion bc he will anyway.

It sounds like you are trying to do too much. Rest and then repair. :)

 

[Gs172003]

Well then first work on keeping calm and not making any massive decisions until you pass through t...

That sounds like a great idea

 

[blackemerald1]

@Zoogal - re your husband and being nicer.

Often actions speak louder than words. If you just want to let him know you appreciate him - here are some ideas that might help?

You could do something for him that he is not expecting. Something that you know he enjoys. It doesn't have to be something you do with him bc you are sounding quite overwhelmed right now and probably don't need another thing to do.

I am thinking maybe buy a voucher for a massage...if he's into that. Or maybe a small but good piece of tech equipment or just a bottle of good plonk if he like's a sip. If you cannot afford that possibly make his favourite meal or desert.

It doesn't have to come with a huge explanation. Something little but sweet. Just so he knows you are thinking of him.

I hope you are okay.:hug:

 

[Gs172003]

@Zoogal - re your husband and being nicer.

Often actions speak louder than w...

I just bought him a plane ticket to see his family.

 

[blackemerald1]

@Zoogal - Yes well done you. He must be a happy man. :)