Sufferer Wanting to work through it but flailing

[Chip]

Hi, my name is Chip. I’m 37 and I am just now figuring out what was/is wrong with me. TBH, it’s pretty overwhelming. I come from a show no emotion family of origin. I grew up with an older sibling who brought terror into my life almost daily for 18 years. My parents seemed not to hear or care about what was going on so I turned inward. My coping skills are horrible. Basically, stuffed everything til I blew or drank and blew up which caused a lot of trauma for others that I feel horrible about. I am currently being treated for alcoholism which I’m 138 days sober and struggling to find my voice. I don’t have much of a support group and very few friends that I feel like I can talk to about what I went through and how I’m feeling now. My anxiety is to the point that I have very few places I go, or people I talk to. In my treatment I have counselors that I know care, but I can’t bring myself to open up to. My time there is limited and know I had better start if I am to truly recover from the mess I’ve made of myself. I guess my first goal is to get through a day without feeling the fear, worry, panic and the constant negative thoughts. It’s ruining my life. Thanks in advance for any help, advice or support. You’re input is very welcome.

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome!

 

[ILoveLife]

Welcome Chip :hug:
I'm sober too. Drugs and booze. A few slips with social drinking here and there but nothing major. Haven't had a drop in 5 months. So best of luck to us both :)

know I had better start if I am to truly recover from the mess I’ve made of myself.

Its not your fault. Just yours the responsibility of moving forward.

 

[Freida]

Welcome and congratulations one 138 days!

 

[littleoc]

Welcome!

And yes, congratulations on being sober for 138 days! That's a seriously wonderful accomplishment.

I'm sorry that that happened to you. It makes sense that it would be hard to open up and hard to trust... new places and new people can always be a challenge.

I think it might be worth posting elsewhere in the forum your specific questions on opening up -- or look around. It's a common theme here. You absolutely aren't alone.

Welcome :)

 

[Chip]

Thanks for the input

 

[zombycat]

Welcome, and congrats to both you and Seitz on your sobriety! Its understandable that it would be hard to talk about, but I think it's good that you really want to find a way to push past that with your T. Could it possibly help to write some things out for your therapist instead of having to actually say the words? I think you did pretty good with writing to us about it. Just a thought.

 

[blackemerald1]

@Chip - welcome.

I am just now figuring out what was/is wrong with me.

Has your therapist diagnosed you with PTSD?

I’m 138 days sober and struggling to find my voice.

Congratulations on being sober. Your voice will be heard here.

My time there is limited and know I had better start if I am to truly recover

Tell your therapist you are having a problem and are worried about running out of time. Better to give your therapist some advance notice so some ongoing support can be worked out before the time is up with this therapist.

my first goal is to get through a day without feeling the fear, worry, panic and the constant negative thoughts. It’s ruining my life.

This takes a lot of work and possibly a lot more time. But you have already succeeded in a big way. You know where you are coming from and where you want to go. :)

A lot of people take a whole life-time and never get that far. :oops:

 

[Chip]

@Chip - welcome.


Has your therapist diagnosed you with PTSD?


Congratulati...

Thank you. Yes on the diagnosis. Great point on giving my T a heads up.