Are you feeling alone, lost, and without belonging? how do you cope?

[TruthSeeker]

I've had to distance myself from my family, and they did a good job distancing themselves from me to by calling me crazy and a slew of other unbalanced names, while making themselves seem normal. They tossed gobs of emotional abuse in my direction.....and after backing away, I'm so lonely....to the core. I guess years of drama and abuse became my norm......That's not the life I want....but breaking away.....intentionally....to search for something better over the rainbow is such a lonely journey. How do you keep your hope for a better future?

 

[Ronin]

Future can bite me, it's not on my radar.

I try to do feel good things in the right now, and the kind of future I can imagine myself to be in. Horizon of however far I can think of to, at the moment.

Hope can also bite me, but goals sighted on? I will get to.

 

[scout86]

You may not find this answer real useful. (If so, just ignore it!) And it might not be exactly "healthy", but what I do is tell myself I'm just feeling sorry for myself, that I've nearly ALWAYS felt alone, unwanted, and like I didn't belong, and yet, I'm still alive. I got this far without any of that. So maybe none of that is as important as it seems on the surface. Drive on.

 

[Ronin]

tell myself I'm just feeling sorry for myself, that I've nearly ALWAYS felt alone

:D:hug: That million like button needed.

 

[EveHarrington]

Can I start by asking what you do have in your life?

Friends?
A partner?
Kids?
Social groups?
A career?

 

[ladee]

Sometimes I just have to think and act 'as if' everything is ok just the way it is. The only thing constant is change, a paradox we learn to embrace. And even tho this is cyber communication, you do have us. A huge family that cares, understands, and will encourage you thru the rough times.
I get up, and tell myself, just for today.. I can do this.. keep my head above water. And if not, there are plenty of people just a blank page away from throwing you a life line... gentle hugs... you are not alone, not really.

 

[Fadeaway]

A long time ago in a galaxy far away, it used to be a real problem for me. I had a very lonely childhood and I will never forget the intensity of the panic attack I had on my first night living on my own.

I eventually be came very content being alone. How? I realized all of the little perks of being alone. You don't have to work around someone else schedule. No fighting or drama. Come when you want, go when you want no worries about how it might affect someone else. No one to complain about your quirks and you don't have to plan meals around someone else.

You have the luxury of totally self care. With out the energy spent on people who aren't supportive, you have more energy to invest in your healing.

The time spent alone will help you know your self better and as you work on your self, the possibility of a better future becomes more visible.

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

Yepper....depending on the day...I can feel lost as all get out, especially after totally and drastically changing my lifestyle. Everything I based my "future" on and had been striving/being conditioned to be and hope to one day accomplish to achieve the supposed "made it" status was based on so many shaky and false foundations that I had to unlearn and re-learn and pretty much start over from the ground up. Had I continued to build on that shaky foundation, the inevitable crash would have been a whole lot harder, I feel.

I've since learned to live moment by moment....traveling at the speed of breath....while becoming my own best entertainment, my best caretaker, my best cheerleader, my best advocate, my best recognizer of when I need a hand or a hug, as well as my worst critic, my worst/best self-sabotage expert, my worst enemy in the harsh self-talk arena, etc.....all of which is still tricky to redirect depending on the balance of my energy account. Always an adventure, but not always a pleasant one by any means.

Spaces like this and my favorite nature spots are a welcomed relief, highly therapeutic, and quite the spirit lifter on all of those days. I spend most of my time in the "social" section here because I have so little social life in the real world based on my various sensitivities and such. Knowing I'm not alone and being able to witness/read about the growth/etc., albeit sometimes quite painful, in other beings, be it a shitty rotten day or a good productive day in my world, can make a world of difference in my mind space for the moment, helping me remember my own priorities and giving me a chance to reach out and share support/experiences when I can. Sharing belly laughs and breathing on purpose every chance I get also aids in keeping me more grounded/aware in the moment. There again, it varies based on the day. Each day is a crap shoot and I get to learn more crap, pretty much. lol

 

[TruthSeeker]

Can I start by asking what you do have in your life?

Friends?
A partner?
Kids?
Social groups?
A...

1 trusted friend
a teaching job I hate and need to retire from, atmosphere is toxic with dissatisfaction and low moral, but I don't think I have the $ to do it yet because I don't turn 62 until next winter
music friends who are busy right now
kid-in her 30's who has PTSD and issues whose trying to find her own way
just divorced
new home
not a grandmother anymore-only can see my grandson if X is present-makes the word divorce hard to do when he's abusive and narcissistic
friends I occasionally go out with or have in
photography (can't seem to make it to photo club) and art lessons twice a month (new)
with divorce....comes lots of loss....but in my case I lost my father who used to live with me and brother whose been kidnapped mentally by aliens and has alienated my father.....whose now angry with me for false reasoning and there is nothing I can do...he can't remember
cousins far away

 

[blackemerald1]

So all of this is relatively recent? You do expect a LOT of yourself don't you?:hug:

There are days when I don't particularly like my own company but that is entirely my problem. I can do something I like to become absorbed in. And bonus! I don't have to put up with any bs from other ppl...unless I want to. :)

So I have choices. Lots of them. At times I forget I have these. But after a day or so I remember that I am my own responsibility and I get on with it. Or not. Either way it doesn't matter nobody is going to come along and 'rescue' me and that is a big relief. I am stronger than I once thought I was. I can be weak and not be exploited by anyone.

Settle in to your new home. Make it your home. Be your own best friend and you will be really relieved to find you are ok with that.

Release yourself from wanting to be needed and enjoy meeting your own needs. It is quite liberating once you make your own goals and work towards them.

Family entanglements are always difficult to resolve. Especially if you are used to being constantly tangled.

I think I do get lonely at times but then there is much, much more time when I am alone and don't feel lonely at all. That is a really happy place to be. :);)

 

[EveHarrington]

It sounds like you have much recent loss. I was going to make a few suggestions, but I think you may have to go through a period of mourning first before trying something new. Hugs.

 

[TruthSeeker]

It sounds like you have much recent loss. I was going to make a few suggestions, but I think you...

I lost everyone who was supposed to be my family, to craziness and manipulation. My daughter, whom I love but am so hurt by.....she knows they are abusive, but rides the fence instead of takes a stand against abuse.....only because she's terrified of being in my shoes......without a family.....a crazy family is better than none is the way she looks at it and staying "neutral" is drama free. She want to rekindle our relationship which has gone sour, but I am hurt because she sides with abuse.....bystanders support abuse because they are afraid themselves. She doesn't want to talk about the family, but she wants our relationship like it use to be....and she first said she wanted to hear how I was doing....my reply....."No you don't, because it is negative and you don't want to hear negativity about your family.....I have very little positive going on, not enough to talk about without the family creeping into the convo. So, the best she's going to get it a movie with me.....that's "safe time" with me. Mother's Day seems like such a duty call.

So the closest family that doesn't censor conversations is 1200 miles away. Yep, lots of loss. Lots of loneliness and anger.....