Back to back panic attacks due to needing a car & no way to pay for it

[DharmaGirl]

Do you have any food pantries near you? I go to one every month and get a cart full of things free. Do you have a balcony that you could grow a few veggies in pots? I see free pots a lot, and a package of seeds can be 20 cents at walmart.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Do you have any food pantries near you?

Yes. I need to do this. I feel bad but I can get over it and just pick it up. Trying to get down there is the hardest part. I work during business hours and my days off my body crashes and I'm pushing just to get done what im already trying to. Like had 2 Dr appointments yesterday along with the pharmacy, Aldi, and laundry I cannot move today and am struggling really badly at work. Even with a cane. But, I do just need to put them in my calender once a month or something and just do it. Im not sure if there is a limit of how many times you can get food from a food pantry in a month. Already looking into that. One of those things I mean to do but then forget. Ugh!

Do you have a balcony that you could grow a few veggies in pots? I see free pots a lot, and a package of seeds can be 20 cents at walmart.

Yes but I seem to kill every plant or just not able to get it to grow. Its so hard for me for some reason. But can try. I have a lot of pots already from plants I've killed.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I have a lot of pots already from plants I've killed

Lol, that's funny. I used to do that until I discovered that watering them was beneficial. You have too much on your plate. I wouldn't start a garden until you have more time. You are just going to stress yourself out more.

others that also stuggle with meal planning

Thank you for that. I struggle since I buy what's on sale or use what's in the garden, (not much now) and it's hard to put it all together when I'm tired.
You sound like you are between a rock and a hard place. It is hard to find joy when you are afraid of losing your apt. I was always afraid of losing my house. I was a nurse, then hurt my back and now have even worse problems with it, so I can only do a little at a time, but can't work a job. I live on a fixed income but not working gives me the ability to rest when I need it, which is a lot, and do the stuff that I am able to do. I am grateful for that. I was upside down on my house because the market crashed a month after I bought mine. Now I have equity, but for awhile I thought I would be homeless. Scary.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I think I've come to terms with just throwing away everything. I don't have anything worth much that I'm getting rid of anyway. I mean, 10 cents here and there or $1 or $5 here or there but not anything worth much which is why I wanted to do a garage sale. But the chances of me getting everything on Craig's List, meeting the people, and selling even boxes of stuff is slim. Unless it's a EBay mystery box (but man, there are people somehow selling trash for thousands) then the chances of that is slim. Sadly, the chances of me getting down to even donate it all is slim. And being someone that buys their clothes at thrift shops, I have a heart to donating but getting down to do it is another story. I may sell the furniture items I want to get rid of on Criag's List but to be honest, my stuff isn't worth much. My coffee table and desk maybe. The desk because it's solid wood and heavey as a rock. But, other then that, what's the chances of me selling it all? And I'm sad as I want and need the money (even $10 or $20 helps) but a one time garage sale is what I had planned to sell things a dime at a time. Where I pushed myself for 1 day to sell what I could. But craig's list? I dunno. Is it worth the hassell? If I'm going to put up an ad for a roommate, it needs to be ASAP. So, this house needs to get cleaned ASAP and currently I am just moving stuff around my house and pushing the dirt around them. Ugh! Just throw away the entire apartment and start fresh?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I think I've figured out MTurk. The first like 8 days I was getting like 75 cents a day at most. And that was husseling at work and after work. Some days I'd do more HITs but get like a quarter for the day or less. I know there are loads of people making a few hundred a month on there. They are all over youtube. And I work on a PC during the week, during business hours (when most requesters put HITs out). I knew the more HITs you got the more money you can get per HIT so I was focused on HIT count rather then amount of pay per HIT. I started doing a few $1 surverys a day and bam. $3 today and $2.75 yesterday. It's not much but $3 a day is $90 in a month. And I know I can do more then that but that's just between calls at work. Not spending any extra time at home. Some surveys I can't do but many I can and some are a few dollars each for a 15 mins survey. I'll take it. So, focusing on the amount per HIT now. Some I have to do at home as it requires a phone. I just have no umph after work anymore. But they pay well.

Anyway, doing what I can to bring in any extra money.

 

[shimmerz]

Wow~! Can't believe I actually got through all of this thread! Super triggery for me but here I am. Unbelievable progress. I hope you don't mind my weighing in. I have had to face the risk of homelessness - seems like 20 times in these latest PTSD years. Crazy, crazy stressful. I've been through a lot. I am going to say this has been the most stressful part. It made everything SO much bigger because it felt like every move I made relied on perfect decision making on my part. Problem was it was like a vicious cycle. The more I stressed over the possibility of losing housing, the larger than life everything I did was. That led to constant panic attacks, dissociation, derealization - you name it - I got it.

So yeah, I get it Lost. And given that this happened as well when your Dad left, I can see how frantic feeling this must be.

So I am going to suggest a couple of things.
1. It sounds like, from your initial posting that there is nothing immediately threatening your financial ability to survive. If that is an accurate accounting then please bear in mind that nothing has happened yet. There is nothing bad happening in.this.second.
2. Try to be mindful that due to the core stressor (fear of homelessness) that every decision may feel like a life or death one. This is a distortion.
3. Sounds to me like stress is your currency right now. Decisions should be made based around your ability to decrease stress, not increase money. Or at least not money for any small ticket items.
4. Your mind may be buzzing from problem to problem. Try, if you notice your mind is racing, to slow your thoughts down by counting your breath to 5 or 6. Thoughts should be at that speed.
5. Have you written a flow chart of available options so that they reside outside of yourself rather than bouncing around in your head all day?

It sounds to me like your thought processes are realistic so you are grounded in reality.
You are exploring creative ways to earn extra money.
You are being proactive in approaching your workplace.
You are researching different options in a balanced way.

So please don't forget that you are proactively attempting to divert crisis. You aren't actually in one right now - if I am reading all of this properly. Right? If so, this element is actually a good thing to focus on because it will allow you to not heavily engage emotionally in something that hasn't actually happened yet.

Anyway, I think you are handling this really well Lost. My apologies if my thoughts are not resonating with you. Like I said, it is triggery and very tricky stuff for me this 'about to go homeless' thing. My warmest thoughts are with you.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Wow~! Can't believe I actually got through all of this thread! Super triggery for me but here I am

That's awesome and thank you for replying! I'm sure that was really hard when it was triggery for you! :hug:s

1. It sounds like, from your initial posting that there is nothing immediately threatening your financial ability to survive. If that is an accurate accounting then please bear in mind that nothing has happened yet. There is nothing bad happening in.this.second.

True. And that does help to keep in mind. I'm not sure if it's hyper vengenlence or what but my brain wants a plan, then a back up plan if that fails, and a back up plan to my back up plan. I think its just the way im used to operating as though I've never been homeless, I've been close to homelessness quite a few times. Being thrown out into the world alone with no skills, no money, no place to go. When I left the cult that is where I was and so ive always had a survival type brain and its just so hard to turn that off but reminding myself that its not happening right now does help. I guess, though, Im scared as if I dont plan and try to bring in more income to then save, when my car does die im stuck. So that takes planning ahead, you know?

I feel like im talking in a circle. Im not meaning to.

2. Try to be mindful that due to the core stressor (fear of homelessness) that every decision may feel like a life or death one. This is a distortion

True.

3. Sounds to me like stress is your currency right now. Decisions should be made based around your ability to decrease stress, not increase money. Or at least not money for any small ticket items

Yeah. I gave up trying to sell the junk in the house and just throw it all away or put it by the dumpster with a sign that says "free stuff".

. Your mind may be buzzing from problem to problem. Try, if you notice your mind is racing, to slow your thoughts down by counting your breath to 5 or 6. Thoughts should be at that speed.

Will try that. My brain is certianly racing and then trying to plan becomes impossible, trying to clean even becomes impossible and then my body crashes and Im just a lump.

5. Have you written a flow chart of available options so that they reside outside of yourself rather than bouncing around in your head all day?

I have listed them and all steps need to obtain them (such as cleaning the house and then broke that down to each room, before trying to obtain a roommate). But not on any sort of flow chart.

It sounds to me like your thought processes are realistic so you are grounded in reality.
You are exploring creative ways to earn extra money.
You are being proactive in approaching your workplace.
You are researching different options in a balanced way.

Thank you! It's nice to hear that as I feel like I'm all over the place to be honest. Like Im not being rational or something. Its nice to get an outside perspective.

My apologies if my thoughts are not resonating with you. Like I said, it is triggery and very tricky stuff for me this 'about to go homeless' thing. My warmest thoughts are with you.

No appolpgies needed and it totally resonated with me. Was great advise. Thank you for responding! I cant imagine how hard that was when it was so triggery so thank you! :hug:s

 

[shimmerz]

I guess, though, Im scared as if I dont plan and try to bring in more income to then save, when my car does die im stuck. So that takes planning ahead, you know?

Yes, I absolutely know. Did it for upwards of 10 years.

There was a time where I couldn't string thoughts together properly because this survival thing was hijacking everything. Doesn't look like you are there, which is good. Keep up the great work!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I forgot to say that I applied for food from Second Harvest Food Bank. They don't ask what I would normally expect. All they asked for was name, email, address (if I were homeless how would I apply for that) and then they say they will "review my application" and get back to me in a few days. Ummm, hmmmm. Its the biggest food bank in the area. The only other ones I could find were small churches that only served certian zip codes. None of them where mine. But, I applied to a food bank.

 

[DharmaGirl]

Yay! I hope it goes well. I have a church one in my area. It contracts with the local grocery stores, so I get enough meat for the entire month. And beans. Lots and lots of beans.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Second Harvest food bank answered back giving me churches that apparently give out food to call, in my city. Oh lord! I cannot enter a church! I have a hard enough time driving by them! Was trying to avoid churches! Even with Chopper (my service dog - he will HAVE to come with. No way I could do that alone!). I'm not sure I can do that even with him! Oy vay! Have to deal with a humougous trigger just to get some help with food. UGH!!!!!!

 

[shimmerz]

I have been pretty constrained by triggers too Lost. There may be ways around that though. Most food banks here in Canada are run by churches, but most of them have a wing away from the church where they distribute food. Some even have separate out buildings.

Can you perhaps call them and ask what the setup is there?