http://www.thesmartcrowd.com/about/workers/job-opportunities/
If you want to augment your income in a work-from-home situation, this company is solid. You’ll need to go through applying and being evaluated. The hiring process took about a month, last time I did it - which is a smart way for them to weed out the people who aren’t serious about it.
how in the hell can I save another 2 grand in a year when my finaces are strapped this low? That's the panic. I need some sort of plan that Im working towards
If you want to save the money, you’ll be able to save the money. I know that sounds harsh. I’m not trying to berate you, am trying to be direct and clear.
I’m going to give you a few reality checks - take what’s useful, leave it if it’s not.
1) Make a budget, on paper.
Start by writing down everything you actually spend in a month. If it takes you a month to track it accurately, fine - or, go into your last months bank statements and write it all out. Food, meds, co-pays, gas, vape juice, pet supplies, splurges, unexpected emergencies - everything. Be strict about it. You won’t be able to truly see how to control spending short and long term unless you really look at how you spend money. We all think we can do it in our heads, but we are wrong.
2) Get realistic about what you can save, what you need to earn, and how to do it. Monetizing on YouTube - especially when when your thing is not mainstream- isn’t a realistic plan for income, nor is any form of niche crafting (making paracord things, etc). Don’t waste your time on it. And yes - if you have things you can sell for 10$ here and there, that ALL goes into the earning plan.
3) Teach yourself to shop for groceries economically. Googling the phrase “shopping for one on a budget” will give you many great articles. Not all of them are about cooking. Managing a food budget is a tough habit to get into but easy once it’s established. Important to remember: shelf-stable is good, frozen veg and fruit are just as nutritious as fresh, protein matters, and meal-planning is essential. I can tell you don’t know how to do this yet just based on what you say about your food choices. It’s ok, we’ve all been there. Just start teaching yourself.
4) You have a Dad who will help you out. Let him. I know you’re getting better at this, and I know it’s challenging for you. I encourage you, when you start spiraling into anxiety about all this, to remember that you do currently have a safety net. It isn’t ideal, sure - but safety nets never are. Accept that he’s there. Stop telling yourself he’s not.
5) Decide what you are and aren’t willing to tolerate. This is hard and it helps to have someone (therapist, forum) to talk it over with. My advice is that you turn it into a list somewhere, so you can refer to it when it feels like nothing is tolerable. Example: you’ve decided you can tolerate putting Chopper back on kibble. That’s great - and there’s a $ figure attached to that, too. You don’t tolerate living w/o a car. OK - that’s totally legit, and makes sense for your current situation. It also has a cost associated. If you can break your financial goal (save 2,000 in a year) into monthly chunks of saving and earning, you’ll better be able to see your progress, and you’ll also remember that you’re tolerating uncomfortable things for a purpose, and with and end point.
That was the advice-y part of my post.
Here’s some stuff that will probably be upsetting, because it’s going to
challenge your current assumptions and beliefs. I’m choosing to challenge them because I can see ways in which you’re justifying some helplessness and it’s really not going to help.
My opinion: the belief that you need a service dog for mobility is one that is not helping you right now. There are many options for mobility that you have dismissed, or said you’ve tried, or believe you are unable to try, or are unwilling to try. You are choosing a dog, which is one of the more complex and expensive options. And, you’re deciding you need a mobility dog when you do not honestly have a disability that justifies one.
Yes, you already said it’s not your top priority. But the belief that it’s what you need is shaping a whole lot of your beliefs right now.
Surgery causes nerve damage, yes. Backs are notoriously difficult to rehabilitate, yes. I’m not saying you don’t have pain or that your pain is not valid. I am saying that there is no apparent physical reason why you could not do more to rehabilitate yourself in order to mitigate your physical disability.
As you’ve explained it, your main barriers to physical rehabilitation are tied to your mental health disorders. If your therapist isn’t pushing you to work on those, consider asking him to.
What I’ve observed: Chopper is an excellent companion, and the time you invest in building your relationship with him is time
very well spent. I think you have cultivated a dependence on him that borders on being unsustainable. You imitate a level of helplessness or disability, in order to train him to respond to it, and that is only reinforcing your own learned helplessness.
Now, you do generally seem happier in this mode - except for when the drama happens, and then, instead of applying coping skills, you spin out emotionally, call for attention, and that’s when the things that you repeat so often you believe they are true - thinks like, “I have no-one/no safety net” (except you do have your dad), “I can’t even walk” (except you can), “I can’t go out on my own” (except you do), “I need a big dog for mobility and all this expensive gear” (except you have other options).... of course, suddenly it all seems impossible. You’ve told yourself it’s impossible.
This is BPD, Lost. Your emotions shape your personal narrative, which depends on maintaining a state of crisis or need - and that then shapes your actions, which have real-world consequences.
You can decide you’re ok living with it. Truly. And you can come here when you’re in a panic and tell us all the reasons why no-one can help you, not even yourself. And people will be generous and try and suggest how to problem solve, and you’ll take those things on board or not.
But I wish you could look at the bigger picture, of how you’re relating to your health and your future. And as a fellow-member, I get frustrated watching you keep yourself stuck in certain things, and then watching you get incredibly defensive about them whenever they are challenged.
Also: I think the way you are complaining about resources going to vets is really just wrong, and deserves to be challenged.
You have PTSD. Yes. You have anxiety and dissociation. Yes. So, you’ve trained your dog to help you. Yes. I don’t think the world is challenging you in that or trying to take that away from you. Thanks to Chopper, you can do the things you believe you can’t otherwise do.
How on earth does that have anything to do with veterans having priority access to services?
You have trained your PTSD dog. You are all set. You are not unemployed. You earn enough to disqualify you from housing assistance. You don’t need a charity or organization to support your financial mismanagement/ misfortune, you need to learn how to be living on your own within your means. That’s all. You’ve never done it before. Everyone has trouble with this part. You’ll get through it.
You want financial assistance to get a mobility dog? Then get on disability. Get your papers in order. Once a court validates that you are medically disabled, then you can (probably) have access to services that people who are currently more compromised than you, need.
Not all disability statuses are equal. Not by a long shot. Not all PTSD is the same. It doesn’t all need the same access to resources.
In my observation, you’re trying to create a reality for yourself where you are more permanently disabled than you actually are, or even need to be, long-term.
Your most unmanaged diagnosis is the BPD. That’s what I see. You’d be more capable of responding like the adult, smart version of yourself if you had better control over the BPD. And, that includes being able to improve your physical situation so the daily living of life isn’t so painful/hard.
