Feeling heard - inner child needs from adult self & from therapy

[Snowflake]

What would being loved and feeling special look like to you? How would she know that she is loved...

I need to listen to her, comfort her, reassure her. Right now I’m doing a lot of avoiding.

 

[ButterflyBean]

At least you can recognize the avoidance; that’s half the battle, so you are one step ahead! You also recognize that you need to listen, and that the little one needs to be heard, but do you know what’s behind the avoidance? What’s stopping you from listening?

 

[Snowflake]

At least you can recognize the avoidance; that’s half the battle, so you are one step ahead! Yo...

Fear

 

[MyWillow]

Fear

Oh I hear you xxx

 

[ILoveLife]

Does your inner child have a safe space?
Inner space I mean.

 

[Snowflake]

Does your inner child have a safe space?
Inner space I mean.

Like an imaginary place? Yes -we did this in therapy.

 

[ILoveLife]

Yes. Can you go there and ask your inner child what they want to do?

 

[Snowflake]

Yes. Can you go there and ask your inner child what they want to do?

My inner child and I don’t get along. I think I need to work on this.

She wants love, attention I think. She doesn’t like being alone.

 

[ILoveLife]

I see. Keep working on just being with her on her safe place, eventually you'll start to do stuff, whatever it is.

 

[ButterflyBean]

Fear

So what exactly are you afraid of? This might be something worth exploring with your therapist. Are you afraid of what your inner child might say so therefore you don’t listen? Or, are you afraid that you might not be able to meet her needs? I know you said that you don’t “get along”, and even though active listening can be hard at times, it can be a really great starting place for building trust (necessary for safety and getting along). Paying attention by listening in whatever way feels doable might lead to fewer feelings of loneliness and invalidation or being ignored. Just some thoughts…

 

[shimmerz]

What does your inner child need from your adult self and from therapy to feel heard and not ignored?

My inner child called to me from a deep dark pit one evening. She kept asking me to go to her. I wouldn't and found out later from my Shaman that that was a good thing, as the child is meant to come to us. If I were to have gone into that pit I may well have not been able to get out again (psychosis). I don't know about that because I haven't experienced it personally, but I know that there was a reason I was concerned about us sharing any kind of psychological space where she was. It was too dark.

So I declined the pleading to go to her and offered her my teddy bear to have while she waited until she trusted me enough to help her out of there. That was the first step. Then, I put a picture of her in the car (right by the shiftstick) because my car is a safe place and so that I could invite her to share the safety of where I felt safe. That was the start of carving out a psychologically 'safe place' that we could share space. Just like a kid of my own (like, my children), I would call her into the car when things felt lighter than usual.

We are not yet integrated fully, but I share my space with her all the time. She is not acting out in the ways she used to - which were seriously life threatening - I think because I had built for her a safe place with me. Not just for her to be alone.

No idea if this is helpful to you or if you can resonate at all.

 

[Snowflake]

So what exactly are you afraid of? This might be something worth exploring with your therapist. Ar...

Thank you
I’m afraid of knowing the truth. Afraid of crying and not stopping. Afraid of what my therapist thinks of me. The shame and embarrassment.

My inner child called to me from a deep dark pit one evening. She kept asking me to go to her. I wou...

Yes-if I “go there” will I come out. I love my car maybe that can be my safe place.