What do you notice about yourself when you lapse following a self care routine?

[HëllaBubz]

Hi All!

Hi All! *waves* I'm Bubz, a young(ish) working mother, from Melbourne - Australia, and I've been a slack ass.:confused:

I have a question.

I have noticed that when I haven't been following my self care routine - I start getting on edge, and quite frankly a little bit mean.:notworthy::notworthy::notworthy:
I don't like this about myself - and after I resume my mindfulness activities, it's like I come to my senses and realise what a god-awful (self assessment here) person I've been.

I notice it when I make jokes, responding to other people when they're not sensitive/ dismiss my needs, chatting to colleagues after finishing a call at work and I've also noticed that I've been picking up a trend of using tongue in cheek terminology about my young daughter that in retrospect feels a bit mean. I've also noticed that my lack of empathy increases and I'm not in tune.:banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::oops::oops:

I pick up my self care routine - feel great, stop the routine and then everything goes from pear shaped to a train wreck!:hungover:

It feels like old treatment of myself as a child is resurfacing when I'm struggling to cope, and therefore become defensive-aggressive in my language. It's not ok :notworthy: and it's something I want to address more.

2 years ago as a SAHM (stay at home mother) I lost a lot of weight, I used to do body balance and went to the gym 5-6 days a week. I then went into a stressful nightshift job for 13mo...bad idea. all weight back on.

A year ago, started in normal office hours job - I started horse riding for 3-6 hours once a week, and noticed a COMPLETE lack of symptoms - but then I started riding for an owner who was egotistical, cash loaded, had dangerous horses and got myself severely injured. Truthfully, I should have spoken up but I was scared of symptom return. :oops:

So then I ended up being double barrelled in the dark by a horse I didn't know was in the paddock at the time - nearly broke my arm and spine and it took 12mo to start exercise again plus leaving me very traumatised! Definitely one way to learn a lesson. Probably one of the more painful methods I've explored. :dead:

My mindfulness activities are:
a 2-4 hour horse back trail ride
a session with my psych (gov funding almost run out there)
painting (have neglected this for 12mo)
physical exercise (have been quite slack)
yoga (lets be honest - I've lost my mojo here for at least 12-24mo)
gym - after work not doable. am dead.

So the consensus seems to be that I need a maintainable routine that allows me to walk my giant dinosaur sook of a dog, plus mindful activities/exercise which keeps me in tune with my surrounds.

I am feeling like a really bad mother today - I know I'm not but thinking about how my daughter has experienced me over the past few weeks is unpleasant.

Hind sight is 20/20 - thinking about the impact you've had really hurts!:O_o:

Feedback?
Thoughts?
Experiences?
Reality Testing (I'm particularly fond of this, yields results but sucks being on receiving end :roflmao:)

 

[bumbles]

I get the same way. My self care routine isn't really complex at all, and I still find myself slipping even if I just change my diet for a few days or something. I guess routines or rituals are really important, and once you find something that works for you it's best to stick with it. But life always finds a way to screw with things sometimes.

 

[Skywatcher]

When I slip out of self care, I find myself slipping back into my old negative coping skills, feeling/being edgey and isolating a lot more. Then I email my T and typically get a response from her to be compassionate to myself and speak to myself as if I am someone that I love. That usually causes me to go back to my self care list. Later I will send T a positive follow up email to let her know that I am back on track.

 

[HëllaBubz]

I get the same way. My self care routine isn't really complex at all, and I still find myself slipping

Yes, I'm the same, I do meal planning which has really helped me learn how to manage my finances which has been a big barrier to me continuing self care as well.

All bloody intertwined and never sure which end to pull on to unravel the mess!

@Skywatcher - I like the idea of a self care list - kind of like a mental health first aid kit.
I wonder if I can create a list of things to do - prompts - quotes etc as well as a physical type of support PTSD first aid kit....hmmmmmm *brain goes wild* :bookworm::brb::roflmao:

 

[ladee]

Great thread , great questions... like you, the first thing I notice is I'm edgy. Seems my 'filter' is gone, and I do get tired of paying consequences from lack of self regulation. As soon as I start doing what I know to do, things get better. I get better, my attitude is more in tune with my goals..

I notice my energy level coming back up... it's still amazing to me, how PTSDbrain can just turn my world upside down so quickly... And it can be something as simple as being more conscious of what I eat!! Things that are not good for me, make my body and brain tired and then I'm reacting instead of just being ....

Great thread and great reminder. But, it's like everything else on this journey, just takes practice until it become normal...nah, not normal, I don't know what that means,,, how about more incorporated into my daily life... trying to get back on track now, so a very timely subject.

 

[HëllaBubz]

Good to hear @ladee, I went horse riding for a few hours on the weekend, came home, passed out in bed for 3 hours and woke up a different person.
It's like someone cleared the fog and cobwebs out of my head!

 

[blackemerald1]

Hi @TheBubzilla - Yes I go off when I do not stick to my regime. Sometimes though my brain just shuts me down or life gets in the way and I cannot follow it. It's a slippery slope then to freelancing with doing nothing much at all and the consequences are not pleasant and it's even harder to restart.

Do you do any of these activities with your daughter? I don't know how old she is but adding her into this might help motivate you to stick at least some of the activities? Idk..

 

[HëllaBubz]

Hello @blackemerald1! It's been a while!

Unfortunately my daughter is still a bit young - and it's definitely what I'd call relaxing and mindful.....the last time I did painting with her the old cat walked over it and we've STILL got pink pawprints over the table :D:whistling::whistling:

 

[MrMoonlight]

For me establishing and maintaining a daily routine is important to my mental health. Seems like morning and early afternoon hours play a big roll in my well being . If I can fill those hours with meditation, exercise, showering, shaving, meditation, eating, reading mental heatly books, working in workbook, meditation then I tend to be on a really good arc for the day. When I do that I know I'm doing well and working hard to understand and fight this disorder.

When I'm triggered I completely forget my grounding, self soothing tools. I'm thinking about buying a dry-erase board for by bedroom wall. This way I could create and continually edit a list of tools and other helpful notes to myself. Seems like I need these reminders and guidance when I'm not doing well. I have post-it note flags all over my home reminding me to slow down both mentally and physically because I tend to act like the house is on fire.

 

[HëllaBubz]

I'm really liking this idea @MrMoonlight
I'm also going to make some changes to the downstairs living room area - papering the wall with an exposed brick pattern, some potplants for the cats and dog to eat - replace the couch as well.....
Maybe a few nice framed quotes around the house that serve as mindfulness reminders and set the tone?

 

[TruthSeeker]

When I slip out of self care, I find myself slipping back into my old negative coping skills, feelin...

I have this problem of slacking too-right now. Some days, I'm thinking I'm too tired to sweep up the 5 bugs that are laying upside down dead on my floor, or too unmotivated to do 1 load of laundry....there's always tomorrow, right? or too focused on laying down on the bed and taking a rest to pick up the change off the steps on the way in the house, etc. Nothing is earth shattering, but nothing gets done either.... but like today, this morning I was going to write a list...….no list done....hence, only the 5 bugs got swept up and I spent time writing a poem (that counts for something except I did it all day!) :confused::dpressed:.

 

[blackemerald1]

I just guilted myself into starting my walking again. I cannot wait for my dog (I am still in the assessment stage!). So yesterday I started again and it was okaaay....sigh.

Today I did it again and some balancing exercises. I lost my sense of direction and how far I had walked but I did it all and finally got home. It certainly rips into my muscles and wakes up my whole body. I hate it when I stop and have to start again. yuk.

@TheBubzilla balance exercises are great for little ones...a bit of a cross between yoga, stretching and exercise.