Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

The reason I am afraid of everyone who wants to date is because surely they just want to use me.

I know I’m worth effort at this point, I know how to make people go away but I never do it if I’m afraid of hurting them. Which is stupid and feels pretty weak, and I’m not sure how to fix it.

Mostly I have a secret fear that they will find out about the brain glitches and take advantage or leave or both.

And that’s not me being paranoid. I don’t even know the gender of the person who did it, but

No I’m done. Too much for today. Too much too much

 

[littleoc]

Brandi said I was lying about it. She thought my new traumas were too dramatic to be real. Once trauma happens you aren’t weak enough to let it happen again

 

[somerandomguy]

Brandi said I was lying about it. She thought my new traumas were too dramatic to be real. Once trauma happens you aren’t weak enough to let it happen again

Wow, that's some bullshit.

You've had a rough day. :hug::hug::hug: Self-care time!

 

[littleoc]

Self-care time!

Good point!

Time to go to bed early, lol

 

[Freida]

Brandi said I was lying about it. She thought my new traumas were too dramatic to be real. Once trauma happens you aren’t weak enough to let it happen again

Oh she can kiss my happy ass!:devilish::devilish::mad:
Because none of us are weak. that's the only reason we survived!

 

[ILoveLife]

^^^ Yep. Brandi can go and take a long hike.

 

[littleoc]

Still having strange medical issues.

Talked to the doctor who keeps refusing to charge me. I’ll miss her when I move away. Assuming I do.

New direction is to avoid dairy and meat that aren’t organic. Was already doing that...

Noticed sensitivity to fish. CDC reports on microplastics being found in water, seafood, beef, milk, plants, even in the air we breathe because they’re small enough to get into the atmosphere.

Very mad at the administration in this country within the last twenty years, all of whom knew about this research and found no reason to intervene.

Luckily, thanks to a previous one hogging up too much power, a current one has the right to mess up the Endangered Species Act, but at least the senator listened to me.

I’m mad at idiots today and mad at people who could have done things but didn’t. Also feeling helpless today. I’m too young to be having these medical problems, and I’m not the only one with them.

 

[littleoc]

Yeah, Brandi can take a hike. I hope she gets lost.

I took her on one once. Was my favorite hobby and my safe place. We saw a baby deer. She said it was awesome and promised she’d come out with me more.

Banned me from doing anything she didn’t feel like doing within the next month. I went from being dark skinned to pale as crap. She didn’t think I was pretty unless I was pale.

Then she said my legs were stubby, she wanted me to get fat, my nose was too big. She was trying to make herself feel better, and I let her, because her dad’s side of the family was always making fun of her and she had an eating disorder (overate due to high stress, her family were so scary).

But I’ve been made fun of too, now, and I’m noticing it’s given me more reason to care about not hurting people’s self image. I have never had a desire to force myself to see bad traits about people. That’s weird

 

[littleoc]

I think I’m just annoyed that I was reprimanded for not calling 911, but I physically couldn’t. I couldn’t even move. And it’s not like I can afford it anyway, and I had a cone on the service dog and have her banned from working so she couldn’t get through the hallway anyway. And I was home alone so it’s not likely someone would have visited at 10pm randomly to see how it’s going

Maybe I just feel like this is all unfair? I’m going to have to get over it. I have so much stuff to do and no weekend this week



In good news, there was a tiny toad in the house this morning and he was the BEST

Also clearly I am fine so there was no reason to scare me

 

[littleoc]

Looooooooooook he was so friendly

He has his lil hands folded under his chest, so polite

 

[littleoc]

There was also a wolf spider at one point who had millions of babies on her back. I managed to carry her outside without losing a single babe

 

[littleoc]

Sorry, I’m just trying to not be negative lol

It’s been a good day. Looks like I’m finally getting the Invisilign or however that’s spelled