Sex and ptsd

[Changing4Best]

This is my second biggest problem. I'm in a safe relationship now, we have sex and most of the time...

Maybe professional therapy would help?

 

[Mach123]

I know sex is "all those things" I identify with just about everything everyone is saying, but I like it so the only issue I have is doing it as often as possible. That's a problem in itself I suppose but it's irrelevant. If you're an addict, which I probably am, and your substance of choice works, nothing will make you stop doing it. I've been doing this particular iteration for almost thirty years. I don't think of it as 'sex' anymore that was just something I did before I got married. Now it's love. So I wanna make love all the time. Sue me. I asked her yesterday if we could get married again for our 30th. I thought it was this year but it's next year. I had been thinking about it the last couple months so I asked her yesterday. I want to have a party. So I understand why other people think I have a sex problem or I'm oversexed, but it's not a bad problem to have.

 

[EveHarrington]

I don’t know how to feel love if a guy doesn’t primarily want sex.

 

[whiteraven]

I never had sex when I was younger. It took me a very long time before I felt comfortable being intimate with anyone. I was submissive to a guy I went out with for 6 years (relationship ended a couple of years ago) and it was the best relationship with anyone (male or female, intimate and otherwise) I have ever had. I had some trouble with oral sex - it's a huge trigger for me - but he was the kindest, gentlest person I've ever known and he really helped me through it.

I don't feel one way or another about sex. Well, maybe I just don't especially care for it. Not because it's triggering, but because it just doesn't do anything for me. I'd much rather just be with someone, being held by someone. *shrug*

 

[ILoveLife]

Anyone else dealt or still deals with a profound inability to even *think* about having sex?

 

[EveHarrington]

Aaaaannnnnddddd

I just realized I don’t feel that I have value beyond sex so when I am rejected sexually I feel completely without worth.

 

[whiteraven]

Aaaaannnnnddddd

I just realized I don’t feel that I have value beyond sex so when I am rejecte...

I'm sorry, Eve. :-(

 

[Deleted member 487]

I have checked a few of the local women for dating, but all they say is "all you men want is to get laid!" As I learned when I took a Marriage & Courtship course in college (I pulled a B-), that's what women look for when they're dating. The statistics were something like 87% of the dating relationships were sexual within 3 dates. And they say that I am looking to get laid? LOL! Not hardly! Looking for a girlfriend, yes. I was. Not now. Because while sex is part of the relationship, that's not what I look for in a woman. At the same time the women here (and just about everywhere else, too) look for someone to support them. Nothing wrong with that, until it's a married woman looking for a man outside their marriage to support them. Then it's a very big problem. I don't go after married chicks.

 

[ILoveLife]

Sex is a part of it, @cactus_jack.. but certainly not the whole thing.
Pretending it isn't important is as useless and saying that's "what women look for".
It's not really either/or, more like "as" important as other things - such as being respected and emotionally supported, which are pretty valid things to look for.

 

[somerandomguy]

It's so easy to generalize about sex and gender roles because these are the things most of us have been taught since youth. "Men use relationships to get sex, women use sex to get relationships." It's such black and white thinking because all people are so much more complex than that, change over time, and may not even be aware of their motivations.

I don't know how anyone could see sex as a simple thing, but I guess some people do.

 

[grit]

Interesting post.

I have to say probably the most important aspect of sex is the other person!

I was more or less a nymph in my younger days while I was diffused in my dissociation but what I recall now is that I enjoyed the control I had over the men (the control and autonomy I lost as a child by my mother).

Now I am happily married and sex life is really good but since I started therapy, we sort of having sex less. I do not know if it is because I am consumed by memories and uncovering of my trauma or just natural change but I notice we have less...having less to me means once a week or sometimes no sex a full week...I know this could be considered normal range but it is a bit different for us.

I did mention to my husband that I lost appetite a bit because I am consumed by all these memories but I truly want to stay the HERE AND NOW and not lose my mind to the past.

At the end, we even joke about the dry spells but I wonder how my trauma affects me sexually now? I guess I need to think about this further. I just never connected to my trauma since I got married but I know in the past I used sex as a weapon! I wonder if there is still very subtle connection here for me to explore further?

 

[EveHarrington]

It's so easy to generalize about sex and gender roles because these are the things most of us have been taught since youth. "Men use relationships to get sex, women use sex to get relationships." It's such black and white thinking because all people are so much more complex than that, change over time, and may not even be aware of their motivations.

I don't know how anyone could see sex as a simple thing, but I guess some people do.

I think it’s black and white thinking to make the statement that all of these things pounded into us since youth is a bunch of black and white thinking!

The truth is that men ARE on average more sexual than women.

I can see that you get offended whenever anyone even hints at the idea that men are more into sex than women.

This idea isn’t just made up! It’s based on what actually happens in real life.

If you’re a man who isn’t into just f*cking, I don’t think you can speak for all the other men out there. Many of them only want sex.