Severe dissociation? PTSD? Whats going on?

[Deleted member 47600]

I've been diagnosed with cptsd and depression. But do struggle alot with dissociation. Especially at the minute as I'm very stressed. I live in a mental health therapeutic placement so I've got alot of professionals with lots of different opinions.
I experience depersonalization and derealization quite a lot especially at the moment with college and everything. However, my symptoms have been getting very weird lately. I've been having memory loss/blackouts which I might have mentioned in another thread. Like big chunks of time have just gone and I can't remember what i did for hours at a time. Even managed to go horse riding and can't remember a thing? The mhn have mentioned early signs of phycosis (he called it something but I can't remember what it was it had a weird name) but I'm not sure if I agree. Like I know what is going on and I know this isn't normal etcetc
Anyway that's not my point. A few nights a go i came out of a flashback and I felt like I was shrinking which was super weird. I got up and I saw myself in the mirror and I literally saw roughly and 8 year old version of myself. Except my eyes were blue instead of hazel (which is weird because I used to think I and blue eyes when I was really young for some reason?) But I literally looked tiny and 8. I really wanted to run out my room and tell someone and I did that in my head but in real life I just got up and tucked myself in bed and went to sleep?! I'm not sure if I would call this phycosis though? They're not saying for definite or anything it's just came up.
Also, I get thoughts/things I don't really know how to explain them where I'll have an opinion on something in my head but then when I actually think it it's different? Kind of like a separate opinion in my head?! I don't know how to describe this (i havent told it to anyone incase they mistake it for an auditory hallucination or something when really its more of somethind inside my head?) and I can't really find anything online that fits this but maybe I'm just not explaining it right?
Is thus just severeish dissociation or is it something else?

 

[Sideways]

It could be dissociation. It could be something else. Probably the best thing to do would be to discuss it with you psychiatrist. They’ll have your whole history and will be best placed to give you an informed opinion on what is happening. If yoh feel like this may become a safety issue then you should let your pdoc know (email or phone call) rather than waiting till your next appointment.

In the meantime, self-care and loads of grounding activities. Try not to get too freaked out. It sounds like you have a team of professionals that are well-placed to provide support while you work through the treatment process.

 

[Swift]

Hi :)
Yeah, I'd really encourage you to bring this up with your treatment team.

You're doing amazing work by just being there, where you are, with people that can help.

The reason getting a diagnosis or having a pro know what's going on isn't really about labels - it's about getting the treatment right so hopefully things get better for you.

Wishing you luck and healing.

 

[Reflections]

Feeling small can be a dissociation thing.

"Mirrored-self misidentification" could be related to your experience of literally seeing a younger/different you. You can google the term for more info.

Not recognizing yourself in the mirror can be depersonalization because you feel deattached from yourself. "Feeling" younger, older, male, female, etc can be related to dissociation of identity. Though it's not literally seeing a different person in the mirror. Resource: Dissociation FAQs

"Thought insertion" might be what your experiencing with your thoughts not seeming your own. This isn't an auditory hallucination but rather the belief a thought or set of thoughts aren't yours. You can google the term for more info.

"Intrusive Thoughts" may also be related. Another term you can google.

Thoughts from within that feel seperate or don't feel like your thoughts/opinion/voice can also be a dissociative indentity symptom and a common one of DID or OSDD. Resource: Hearing Voices in Dissociative Identity Disorder | HealthyPlace


I really, really, really understand not wanting to be misdiagnosed or my experiences being judged. So I get needing to sort some of this out yourself or getting other opinions. If you ever feel unheard or misunderstood please tell your T. One of the best parts of my therapeutic relationship, is being able to talk out my experiences and working out any misunderstandings on my T's part. In other words, I don't have to be afraid she's going to peg me as "this" or "that" because if I disagree we can talk about it. If I'm afraid she's going to judge me, we can talk about it. It helps me a lot. I still get afraid. It's a process and trust is built over time.

I am not a therapist or have exhaustive knowledge of psychological or medical symptoms. I just have a dissociative disorder and relate to "sperate thoughts" and what I see in the mirror not being quite right. I hope this might give you some concrete understanding or acceptance. It is hard to know what's going on with us and hard to accept it.

I want you to know whatever is going on you have help and support! There are therapies and treatments that can help ‍

...

Though maybe not especially important, eye color can change over time. I've seen people say their eye color changed around puberty or in their teens. It's uncommon, perhaps rare, but it happens for some of us (myself included and my experience is confirmed by others).

 

[Deleted member 47600]

Feeling small can be a dissociation thing.

"Mirrored-self misidentification" could be related to your experience of literally seeing a younger/different you. You can google the term for more info.

Not recognizing yourself in the mirror can be depersonalization because you feel deattached from yourself. "Feeling" younger, older, male, female, etc can be related to dissociation of identity. Though it's not literally seeing a different person in the mirror. Resource: Dissociation FAQs

"Thought insertion" might be what your experiencing with your thoughts not seeming your own. This isn't an auditory hallucination but rather the belief a thought or set of thoughts aren't yours. You can google the term for more info.

"Intrusive Thoughts" may also be related. Another term you can google.

Thoughts from within that feel seperate or don't feel like your thoughts/opinion/voice can also be a dissociative indentity symptom and a common one of DID or OSDD. Resource: Hearing Voices in Dissociative Identity Disorder | HealthyPlace


I really, really, really understand not wanting to be misdiagnosed or my experiences being judged. So I get needing to sort some of this out yourself or getting other opinions. If you ever feel unheard or misunderstood please tell your T. One of the best parts of my therapeutic relationship, is being able to talk out my experiences and working out any misunderstandings on my T's part. In other words, I don't have to be afraid she's going to peg me as "this" or "that" because if I disagree we can talk about it. If I'm afraid she's going to judge me, we can talk about it. It helps me a lot. I still get afraid. It's a process and trust is built over time.

I am not a therapist or have exhaustive knowledge of psychological or medical symptoms. I just have a dissociative disorder and relate to "sperate thoughts" and what I see in the mirror not being quite right. I hope this might give you some concrete understanding or acceptance. It is hard to know what's going on with us and hard to accept it.

I want you to know whatever is going on you have help and support! There are therapies and treatments that can help ‍

...

Though maybe not especially important, eye color can change over time. I've seen people say their eye color changed around puberty or in their teens. It's uncommon, perhaps rare, but it happens for some of us (myself included and my experience is confirmed by others).

Thank you so much! This helped alot. I'm going to talk to my T about this
All the best in your recovery (:

 

[ppippi]

ditto on discussing with your T. They are there in situations like this.

 

[AskaTheFox]

Discuss with your treatment team/therapist.

DiD or PTSD w/ Dissociation can present in a similar manner to psychosis. A DDX based on what you have written here might include these possibilities, as well as possibly StPD (body shrinking or perceptual distortions can be common in StPD as well as trauma based mood disorders, dissociative disorders, losing time might point to dissociation assuming no other biological etiology), BPD. Would need far more history and information to make a more compelling case either way.

Again, your treatment team has a lot more information than we will, and are best situated to help you piece everything together. Keep fighting the good fight.