shocked therapist

[rosey]

My therapist was in pure disbelief when we were discussing how my family consider my years of abuse to have done me a huge favour. What shocked her was when I said I think that my family had a valid point. I am not dismissing the dreadful experiences I suffered but I can't help but wonder if it hadn't have happened I would have turned out like them. Would I be as Resilient? Kind? Understanding? and willing to fight even with the odds against me? etc, if it wasn't for those experiences?

Am I the only person who feels this way??????????

 

[Rumors]

Today? Yes, you are the only one of the two of us that feels that way...lol. That is perhaps bc I have had a horrible day...

 

[shimmerz]

I would have turned out like them.

Nope. I would have been me still. Just an un-abused version of me. Which would have made life a who heck of a lot more fun.
So, no, no thanks to the assholes on that point.

Would I be as Resilient? Kind? Understanding? and willing to fight even with the odds against me?

I recall the ex saying 'I would thank him for this one day'. Abusive rhetoric. That statement is entirely like saying to a man with a knife who is threatening you 'thank you for bringing a knife rather than a gun, I haven't had much practice defending myself lately'.

There is no place for thanks you's in abuse.

 

[Friday]

I have a lot of things I’m grateful for, from various time periods.

A few off the top of my head?

- I’m lucky as hell I was raped in the order I was.
- Domestic Violence taught me to stand up for myself... before that, I’d have stood up for anyone else, but sucked it up if it was about me.
- I learned to laugh at almost anything, whilst being held captive and tortured.
- Being abandoned -under a few different conditions- taught me self sufficiency & self confidence, grit & determination, I don’t think it’s possinle to come across any other way.

There are countless others. Facets of this. Pieces of that.

I figure? All this shit f*cked me up in enough ways. Any little bit of benefit I can claim from it? Mine, motherf*cker. I damn well earned it.

 

[rosey]

Today? Yes, you are the only one of the two of us that feels that way...lol. That is perhaps bc I have had a horrible day...

Sorry to hear you are having such a bad day.

Nope. I would have been me still. Just an un-abused version of me. Which would have made life a who heck of a lot more fun.
So, no, no thanks to the assholes on that point.


I recall the ex saying 'I would thank him for this one day'. Abusive rhetoric. That statement is entirely like saying to a man with a knife who is threatening you 'thank you for bringing a knife rather than a gun, I haven't had much practice defending myself lately'.

There is no place for thank you's in abuse.

I do agree that there are no thank yous. given a choice it would not have happened. Also, the damage certainly outweighs and perceived benefits. I think for me I was so young when the abuse started that I have no idea what I might have been like without it. What I do know though is that my three siblings who had a different childhood we absorbed into the toxic family ways. If I hadn't have been the family punch bag and 'given' over to abuse, then I am guessing I would have also been absorbed rather than fighting to get as far away as possible. The reality is that I am trying to make some good of it all since the justice system values their overt lies and an outdated legal system to the truth.

I have a lot of things I’m grateful for, from various time periods.

A few off the top of my head?

- I’m lucky as hell I was raped in the order I was.
- Domestic Violence taught me to stand up for myself... before that, I’d have stood up for anyone else, but sucked it up if it was about me.
- I learned to laugh at almost anything, whilst being held captive and tortured.
- Being abandoned -under a few different conditions- taught me self sufficiency & self confidence, grit & determination, I don’t think it’s possinle to come across any other way.

There are countless others. Facets of this. Pieces of that.

I figure? All this shit f*cked me up in enough ways. Any little bit of benefit I can claim from it? Mine, motherf*cker. I damn well earned it.

Phew not just me then!!!!!!!!

While I hate my past I do think it possibly gave me things I might not otherwise have had. A strong will to fight even with the odds in the other corner, stubborn independence, a sense of justice, knowing that family does not mean love, and a drive to be kind and caring. These are a curse as much as a blessing at times.

Like you I need some 'good' from the lump of mess, need to take something from it that isnt just pure damage.

 

[Ronin]

IMHO being thankful TO them, and being thankful for the things taught & learned thanks to them, are two different things.

I am glad for all I learned (and even more for what I managed to unlearn :) ).
I am quite cranky and deservedly so about the ways they went around it, as I could have learned it without the extra baggage.

And in every case, just because one is thankful, one way or the other? Does not mean it was for good things. Does not make them good people. Does not make it right, just, deserved.

 

[rosey]

IMHO being thankful TO them, and being thankful for the things taught & learned thanks to them, are two different things.

I am glad for all I learned (and even more for what I managed to unlearn :) ).
I am quite cranky and deservedly so about the ways they went around it, as I could have learned it without the extra baggage.

And in every case, just because one is thankful, one way or the other? Does not mean it was for good things. Does not make them good people. Does not make it right, just, deserved.

I agree completely, there is a huge difference between giving them thanks ( a big no no) and seeing some benefit or learning. And as I said in another post the damage out weights any gains. But in order to have some sanity about the horror it is nice to have a glimmer of something goodish.

 

[MyWillow]

Something I heard in an interview - “it’s not about finding the good or the meaning, because there is none, it’s about growing roses out of a compost heap.”

 

[rosey]

spot on. Thank you for sharing that.