Might discontinue therapy

[whiteraven]

We started CPT a number of weeks ago. He's said he's willing to be as flexible as I need, but I really have been following the process as designed. I hate it, but....

Even just the first couple of weeks brought up some unexpected stuff. He is about the only support I have - not by choice, but out of circumstance. I have such a hard time trusting - so many have lied and betrayed and abandoned.

So he had to cancel last week because he was out of town. it was sooo hard, because the week before my car had broken down in serious traffic. I had to call the police, I wasn't towed out for a couple of hours, I got sick because I wasn't able to use the bathroom - all in all, the whole thing just sucked. I had some support from my mom and a co-worker, but no one I could really talk to about why everything that happened was so triggering.

I cancelled for this Monday because I'm having extreme anxiety driving on the interstate and he is 40 minutes away, all highway. He responded to my email and said he'd hold the appointment in case I changed my mind and...oh, he just realized he was going to be away all but one day in December and the week after he got back.

I'm angry. When we started the CPT he said he would make sure he was more available than he had been since doing this work because unexpected stuff might come up. He's always said he'd give me advance notice - as much as possible, as soon as he knew - when he was going to be out. He told me the week before when he was out last week (even though he knew about it much farther in advance) and the courses he's teaching in December were scheduled a long while ago.

But...he says he knows I need consistency and yet...I'm going to have to go a month without therapy.

I want to quit, mostly because I am so angry and feel so disregarded that it doesn't feel safe anymore, I don't think I can trust him. I will NOT see somebody new. There are so many reasons for that I don't want to go into it. But if I quit (which is what I want to do right now), I can't go see someone else.

I'm feeling really hopeless right now.

 

[SophiaWisdom]

I hear you.

I just ended therapy with an absolute shitstorm of a woman and I won't be seeing anyone else for a LOOOONG while.

A question, if you think it might be helpful. You can completely ignore if not helpful and just want a listening ear:

Would it help you or make you feel better to say exactly that to your therapist - that you feel angry and disregarded because of those reasons?

I've had such a series of crappy therapists - and I actually went to grad school for therapy! - that I've lost hope in finding a good one. I'm always so jealous when I hear people talk about their amazing therapists. I think, sheesh they must not have PTSD!

 

[blackemerald1]

Hey @whiteraven - I can understand your anger... unexpected cancellations are not good.

Instead of quitting.. could you ask him when will he return to normal hours in January and when will he be taking any planned absences from his practice after that?

His answer may help you decide whether or not you should proceed with therapy with him.

He is about the only support I have - not by choice, but out of circumstance. I have such a hard time trusting - so many have lied and betrayed and abandoned.

^^You really sound like you might be fearful as well as angry and that's not a great place to make big decisions from.

 

[Tinyflame]

Would it help you or make you feel better to say exactly that to your therapist - that you feel angry and disregarded because of those reasons?

I've heard things like this suggested before, but even if that were felt, I think feeling disregarded shuts down any desire for communication; previous disregard tends to lean towards expecting the likelihood of more- since by it's nature and definition that is disregard, not being included in regard, so why should that change to try again or voice, if forgotten already?

I hope it works out better for you both. :(:hug:

 

[Friday]

Anger makes strange things seem reasonable, doesn’t it?

You want to see them more, so you’ve determined to see them not at all.

 

[Tinyflame]

My situation isn't the same, but I think something that may be important that isn't mentioned is, not saying @whiteraven how much you are struggling, or can't deal with more struggle. The bad part about ptsd is it doesn't have a short course of treatment -> 'cure'.But the 2nd bad thing is some moments can seem almost intolerable, or rather unbearable, so anything that adds to feeling worse makes whatever added to it something that seems it should be avoided. JMHE though.

Also, being triggered. Some triggers I would do nearly anything to avoid, or react in ways to avoid or get away from, even at physical or other cost to myself.

 

[lynn T.]

We started CPT a number of weeks ago. He's said he's willing to be as flexible as I need, but I really have been following the process as designed. I hate it, but....

Even just the first couple of weeks brought up some unexpected stuff. He is about the only support I have - not by choice, but out of circumstance. I have such a hard time trusting - so many have lied and betrayed and abandoned.

So he had to cancel last week because he was out of town. it was sooo hard, because the week before my car had broken down in serious traffic. I had to call the police, I wasn't towed out for a couple of hours, I got sick because I wasn't able to use the bathroom - all in all, the whole thing just sucked. I had some support from my mom and a co-worker, but no one I could really talk to about why everything that happened was so triggering.

I cancelled for this Monday because I'm having extreme anxiety driving on the interstate and he is 40 minutes away, all highway. He responded to my email and said he'd hold the appointment in case I changed my mind and...oh, he just realized he was going to be away all but one day in December and the week after he got back.

I'm angry. When we started the CPT he said he would make sure he was more available than he had been since doing this work because unexpected stuff might come up. He's always said he'd give me advance notice - as much as possible, as soon as he knew - when he was going to be out. He told me the week before when he was out last week (even though he knew about it much farther in advance) and the courses he's teaching in December were scheduled a long while ago.

But...he says he knows I need consistency and yet...I'm going to have to go a month without therapy.

I want to quit, mostly because I am so angry and feel so disregarded that it doesn't feel safe anymore, I don't think I can trust him. I will NOT see somebody new. There are so many reasons for that I don't want to go into it. But if I quit (which is what I want to do right now), I can't go see someone else.

I'm feeling really hopeless right now.

Well, I hope you don't give up on receiving help, but I do understand why you might be feeling hopeless. I've had the experience of trying to reach a destination where I felt like it was important to get there and had exactly a similar incident that you describe with your car. For me, it was a tire that exploded and scared the dickens out of me, of course. I wanted to be on time for an appt. that was important. None of it, my fault, but I had a feeling I'd let down the person for who I was trying to reach. All understandable when we have trauma and anticipate perhaps being yelled at or frowned upon when, in fact, we are doing all we can to get to some appt. Maybe coupled with the car issue, your prior feelings that are based on this therapist's absences and the feeling the therapist is going to persist in being a no-show or offer up any other number of reasons that just contribute to your anxiety helps you to see this ain't workin' out. Gosh, logically, it would seem therapists get it that they're dealing with people with anxiety and are careful not to cause more, even by accident, but I'd look at what feeling it caused in you and be determined I was not going to give up. I'd have the same trust issues, I think. I'd likely take a time-out and regroup and when I got more relaxed.. would start anew with some viable options. This is difficult when we are feel acute stress but with time passing, maybe you can reframe it. I just find it hard to even think when multiple stressors are present. My time-outs have usually helped.

 

[whiteraven]

Would it help you or make you feel better to say exactly that to your therapist - that you feel angry and disregarded because of those reasons?

I did say this. Well, I wrote it in my response to him. Thing is, he is not really a bad therapist and he has helped me more than anyone has. And I have been to a bunch.

Sitting with this for awhile to see where it takes me...

Instead of quitting.. could you ask him when will he return to normal hours in January and when will he be taking any planned absences from his practice after that?

His answer may help you decide whether or not you should proceed with therapy with him.

He kind of provided that information in the email he sent. I don't want to quit, but I am really angry right now and really wouldn't care if he dropped off the face of the earth. That feeling will probably pass, but I don't know about all the rest.

^^You really sound like you might be fearful as well as angry and that's not a great place to make big decisions from.

Yes. You're right. I came to really trust him. Well, at least more than anyone else. And it feels a little like I'm not important enough and maybe he doesn't get how hard this will be and did I trust in the wrong person...again?

I've heard things like this suggested before, but even if that were felt, I think feeling disregarded shuts down any desire for communication; previous disregard tends to lean towards expecting the likelihood of more- since by it's nature and definition that is disregard, not being included in regard, so why should that change to try again or voice, if forgotten already?

I hope it works out better for you both. :(:hug:

Yes to all of that and thank you!

some moments can seem almost intolerable, or rather unbearable, so anything that adds to feeling worse makes whatever added to it something that seems it should be avoided.

Good grief. I just now realized I could edit these. LOL

I'm going through a lot of stuff that seems unbearable right now. Over and over and over again it seems like the day-to-day stuff is so overwhelming and "good" doesn't happen anymore, ever.

Maybe coupled with the car issue, your prior feelings that are based on this therapist's absences and the feeling the therapist is going to persist in being a no-show or offer up any other number of reasons that just contribute to your anxiety helps you to see this ain't workin' out. Gosh, logically, it would seem therapists get it that they're dealing with people with anxiety and are careful not to cause more, even by accident, but I'd look at what feeling it caused in you and be determined I was not going to give up. I'd have the same trust issues, I think. I'd likely take a time-out and regroup and when I got more relaxed.. would start anew with some viable options. This is difficult when we are feel acute stress but with time passing, maybe you can reframe it. I just find it hard to even think when multiple stressors are present.

Yeah, I think you're right. I really believe that if I didn't have so many "normal" stressors - seems like a couple of times a week something happens that just adds to the overwhelm - I could be better focused on the work.

 

[blackemerald1]

I'm pleased you are going to give yourself some time before you make a decision about discontinuing therapy with this therapist.

I think if you have achieved a lot with him and overall he's been good at what he does... and this is your only gripe (and it's no small thing btw) - I think he can be trusted and you haven't made a mistake.

Look at how far you have come with him. I think it is ok to trust your therapist... it's hard but it is also necessary. :hug:

 

[Abstract]

he is not really a bad therapist and he has helped me more than anyone has.

That is a good one to note. Also being able to express your feelings and concerns to him. To be assertive about your care. Sounds like you are onto that. Its hard when people arent perfect. Then we need to decide how imperfect is OK enough for us.