How do you get rid of bad coping mechanisms?

[Teasel]

So I still have bad coping techniques, i seem to switch between a fair few of them.

Realised I wanna know more about getting rid of them. Would love to know what you all know about this, and anything that's worked for you?

I guess I realise learning new, better coping techniques is part of it? And dealing with the PTSD is part of it? And maybe hating self for having them doesn't help? Anything else?

Ta muchly

 

[TTC18]

I'll be watching this for answers.
For me, I tend to say - if the coping technique is harmful to someone, it's tops on my list to get rid of. If it's not overtly harmful, and just not as helpful as it could be, I just say -pfft, it can wait. Like - I may want to cope with a difficult day by eating some chocolate. And on the grand scale of things, I don't think that's bad enough to beat myself up over. If I want to cope by yelling at someone or something, then yes, I need to figure out a new way to handle it ASAP. Hope that makes sense. :)

 

[Teasel]

Yep absolutely :-)

Think I'm perfectly ok with eating a bar of chocolate too :tup:

 

[Hopefulphoenix]

Good question. When I went to live in intense trauma therapy a couple of years back, we were taught that, when it comes to Complex Ptsd at least, almost everything you learn to kind of "help" yourself can be a maladjusted coping technique. We are talking stuff that enables survival here. The hard work comes later, sigh, in therapy, being re taught.
I used imagination..and drugs and alcohol..and then relationships. I used AA to let go of the drinking, but was gutted to know that unlike others, putting down the drink was like letting go of a pressure cooker. Im sober and therefore alive, but for me the ptsd recovery has been very very much harder.
The relationship one and neediness is still something that damages my recovery and my husband alot.
But! The bestest thing you said was beating ourselves up for having acquired these survival strategies does not help at all. We didnt choose them; we got normal reactions to unnormal happenings!

 

[Teasel]

Thanks @Hopefulphoenix :-)

What did the T teach you? And what do you think helped at AA?

 

[MyWillow]

Personally, I find that when the T approach is on track the poor coping mechanisms drop away. When I was seeing my psychologist (now Equine T) I was self-harming, restricting my diet, drinking waaaay too much, SI and was an absolute mess really. All my energy was going into “appearing fine”. She referred me out to a psydoc (who I now see weekly as my main T) because the flashbacks, dissociation etc were getting worse and worse.

My psydoc’s approach is really interesting. She is kind but brutally honest. She asks me to be brutally honest in return. She assures me that she is strong enough to hear anything I have to say. She asks up front about poor coping skills but NEVER judges them. Her response to me saying I think I drink too much was “If you think you do, you probably are.” And that was it. Wow. When I talk about self-hatred or wanting to hurt myself she says “of course you feel that way”. So - she doesn’t take sides with any dissociative parts. Acknowledgement and compassion. Reflect and review. So I am learning to do that by example. For the first time in 2 years I am thinking about how I can prepare my body physically to reduce the risk of triggered dissociation, flashbacks and panic attacks in session. I’m cutting back on alcohol and trying to eat better. I haven’t self harmed since I’ve seen her. And I’ve disclosed some shit awful flashback content and been triggered really badly in session with her.

 

[MyWillow]

Ohhhh...and being conscious of what helps me regulate in a healthy way has helped me move forward...and learning that I might have to try a few different things...

Equine T - this is really helping. I’m so glad I’ve found a place in all this for my former T as I really like and respect her.

Gardening - varies between frantic avoidance and mindfulness. Now I get the difference. And they are both useful.

TS yoga - have so so struggled with this but after 18 months of persistence it’s paying off. Group classes are tougher.

Dog training - is a good barometer. It’s a breeze when I’m doing even a little better.

Rest - novel ;)

Walking - with or without the dogs. The former is distracting and the latter is more mindful and difficult and rare.

 

[Teasel]

Your T sounds really great @MyWillow :)

So loosely you'd say that when you have a good T you just dont need them any more? That kind of ties in with a vague idea I've got that if your life is going better, you dont need the bad coping techniques so much.

 

[Hopefulphoenix]

Thanks @Hopefulphoenix :)

What did the T teach you? And what do you think helped at AA?

Good question. I think that therapy has to be methods repeated over time and not stopped. I learned so much by being away, in trauma treatment, but forgot so much. And now I have been in a right state for a year and a half with no therapist that I trusted but too scared to change. Currently waiting for new.
The focus was so much on validation of being normal, coz I have so much shame.
Being away taught me that I can experience joy and independence in a protected environment, showing me whats acheievable in real life. Knowing that has kept me going this year, even when I had zero hope.
AA taught me how to live without alcohol basically. Im in an isolated phase right now so im not going. But in general when im in society I need to have that grounding to stay sober. But Im an alcoholic tho..

 

[Teasel]

Cross posted :P

Yeah those all sound really good,

varies between frantic avoidance and mindfulness. Now I get the difference. And they are both useful.

Love this :-)

Never tried yoga but I found Tai Chi & Qi Gong really helpful when I was doing it.

Rest - novel ;)

Upping the self care, prolly makes a good difference innit.

So learning new all round self care, getting good therapy - just trying to summarise in my head kinda
Thanks :-)

 

[MyWillow]

Your T sounds really great @MyWillow :)

So loosely you'd say that when you have a good T you just dont need them any more? That kind of ties in with a vague idea I've got that if your life is going better, you dont need the bad coping techniques so much.

Well I’m kinda new at this but yeah they’re no different to dissociation as a coping mechanism. They work. But they’re outdated. I had no idea what dissociation was until I forgot my first 6 months of therapy (for pain management that dug a little deeper). And I was flooded with symptoms that had been just hovering in the background for all of my life. So yeah of course shitty coping mechanisms are going to bubble to the surface - all of them I’ve used in the past but this time it was all at once.

Yeah my psydoc is kinda cool. She’s like a Yoda lol - wise but direct and firm and delightful.

The other thing she teaches me is to listen to my body, be kind to it, grateful for it for surviving for so long, reassure it that I’m safe now. Frustration, talk of “ridiculous” or “overreacting” is strongly discouraged. Last week I said that I couldn’t believe what I was capable of at work (media interviews, government interactions, trouble shooting etc) when I was feeling so crap (I’d been triggered in session the Friday before work and it was an hour before I stopped shaking and could walk out). She was thrilled that I realised what an amazing job my body was doing. Very empowering.

 

[Teasel]

Thanks @Hopefulphoenix I really relate to the shame, and I'm isolating too, and defo drink too much.

The trauma treatment place sounds really good, and I really get how having that experience of knowing you can do well keeping you going. Hope you find a good T again soon :-)