Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

Can’t handle all the flashbacks.

 

[littleoc]

My mom and dad put artwork on my wall I’m not allowed to get rid of. Such horrible memories.

 

[littleoc]

Has anyone else had teachers tell you they wished you hadn’t been born? It makes my face hurt. She threw a basketball at my face and got angry when my eyes watered. I didn’t mean to do anything wrong. Got to oedophile’s and saw him rape a dog. Got home and my dad was accusing my little brother of things my aunt M was doing. Mom was staring at the TV looking panicky because she didn’t want to die. I walked back to the pedo’s house because I could stand it. I listened to music with him in his room. His mom invited me to watch Charmed. No one asked about the blood my on favorite shirt and pants. I threw them away and my classmates made fun of me bevsise I only had clothes that were too small for me.

 

[littleoc]

Aunt M cleaned our house. It was the only time we ever had s clean house. First time I ever had s real bedroom. My dad immediately filled the space with twenty hamsters, a hedgehog, two guinea pigs, a leaf tailed gecko, a bird, more. My aunt M got rid of stuff without my permission before I could decided tp part with it. So did my dad. My mom taught us to hide whatever we wanted to keep. I didn’t want aunt M to leave because I knew our dad would stop feeding us properly again.

My sister let her boyfriend make us work to clean until we practically dropped dead. He made me let animals die. They’re still there. I couldn’t get help for the lizards. Diamond escaped. My mom killed my ten-year-old aloe.

 

[littleoc]

Aunt M asked my two brothers and I to sit with her in the living room and ask her questions about our genitals. Her husband was sexually abusing her children. Was she too, or was she checking to see if our dad was? Doesn’t matter. She sided with dad and tried to frame our mother. I don’t understand.

 

[Kubash16]

I wouldn’t understand either. :hug:

 

[littleoc]

She didn’t care about her children. When the state started chasing them they cared together. They moved quietly through the country and didn’t enrole their kids in school because the states were all looking for them. Eric enrolled his kids in school because he didn’t want their education to suffer because of him. The school immediately got the FBI involved. My mom explained to us that our government is always wrong and they were unfair to him because they didn’t let him hide.

Eric was the mirror images of my dad. His older brother though, so more alpha and more vicious. He said he was sorry about everything and cried. My dad could summon tears on command, I bet Eric could too. Eric was sending me messages telling me we were friends and not to tell my mom. I immediately told my mom. Then Eric died. He looked so depressed and afraid. I hope my dad dies like that. In a body that has already rotted while your eyes keep moving and you can’t tell anyone how you feel or if it hurts.

 

[littleoc]

I really want to live somewhere clean where I’m allowed to take down artwork from when I was a kid. I can’t stand to look at it. It’s all bad memories. All just adults telling me I was a useless excuse for an animal.

 

[littleoc]

I was going to go out and get clothes and go for a run but I can’t even get out of bed. Why did that stupid thing have to be the first thing I saw?

 

[littleoc]

My mom started embarrassing us in public when we were teens because she’d act crazy. Someone would get in line after us at the glasses store and then be called first because they didn’t come in with three kids, and she’s start saying “I give up” and talk about how she was invisible and terrible. Brandi would do it too. We eventually had to tell our mom to stop because people would stare and this wasn’t the funny kind of embarrassing the other teenagers talked about. We liked that kind of embarrassing because it meant things might be okay. It never was.

 

[Kubash16]

Would your mom really notice if you took stuff down or covered it up?

 

[littleoc]

No because shit is everywhere, but I also don’t know where I could put it where I won’t have to see it. A lot of it I can’t reach because there’s too much stuff in the way. I’d need to calm down some more before I can figure out how to get it.