Medical I need some help with coping with a biopsy

[Scarlet13]

That is what is hard about this is the castrophizing.
I also have extreme issues with trust.
This is from my childhood. So my trust issues can be for objects like if my car breaks this is terrifying and when it gets fixed I don't trust it. My trusts issues are for everything.
So I then get very hypervigilent and cannot ever relax.
My T Said, "That must be very torturous for you "
And I hate when she says things like this because then I think, "Yep, it sucks to be me."
So, with cancer, I don't trust or feel ok with the highly treatable form I have or with trusting my doctors
I am having a hard time tolerating even a little cancer or highly atypical in situ cells or what ever.
I need it to be benign. I need the world to be perfect in order to feel safe.
So this logic is all f*cked up, I know.
Thanks for the above thoughts on my surgeries. I am glad they are good procedures.
I also have really top docs. This helps those trust issues. My docs are very hypervigilent, so we are on the same page.
I was thinking about moving up to the Pacific nw after this, but they have higher cancer rates than where I live!

 

[blackemerald1]

This is really going to tax your reserves even though highly treatable.

You seem to know why you are catastrophising so that's great. Work on building up the self-talk about how you will deal with all of this one day at a time. Just one day.

 

[sprout]

This is from my childhood. So my trust issues can be for objects like if my car breaks this is terrifying and when it gets fixed I don't trust it. My trusts issues are for everything.
So I then get very hypervigilent and cannot ever relax.
I need the world to be perfect in order to feel safe.

Wow I just wanna say these sentences hit so close to home. I always knew I had trust issues for people but never realized I have them for objects, situations, everything in general... Whoa that was a big realization for me and let me contextualize a lot of things I didn't know how to put into words so thank you SO MUCH!

Hope you were able to make the call and got good news. Keeping you in my thoughts.

 

[Sideways]

Would getting in front of this a little bit help you feel a bit more in control?

Melanographers are specialist dermatologists who can do mole-mapping for your entire body, scanning and assessing all your spots and moles for any sign of potential risks. Sounds hairy? But might perhaps give you peace of mind that this is the only problem spot you have.

People with a history of melanoma are high risk for future melanomas. That’s scary. But it’s incredibly helpful to know, because if you get regular checks by someone specialised, you can have any potentially risky spots removed before they become a problem.

Much like knowing if you have breast cancer in thr family, regular screening can vastly improve the odds that you never have to have another melanoma advance beyond the pre-cancer stage again.

Something to consider. I find all health checks like that pretty frightening. But having control of it, knowing that I’m choosing for myself to minimise my risk? May be worth it in the long run, and helps reduce the associated panic.

So glad you caught it early. 2 in 3 Australians will get a melanoma at some point in their life, so this is a reasonably common condition that tonnes of people get treatment for, and move on with their lives.

 

[blackemerald1]

2 in 3 Australians will get a melanoma at some point in their life, so this is a reasonably common condition that tonnes of people get treatment for, and move on with their lives.

Really? Do you have a source for this stat? I'd be interested in reading up on it. :)

 

[Scarlet13]

I'm not sure if I have pre cancer or not.
It is being called "melanoma in situ" or stage 0.
So it is cancer cells starting to happen.
It is freaking me out that it is the "nice" version of a terrible, life threatening cancer.
It is like sitting on the bus by a serial killer who is choosing not to kill you.
I just need it off of me.

 

[Abstract]

Totally understandable. Try to remind yourself that these type of conditions don't do anything quickly when at that point. Its all extremely treatable. That doesn't mean you don't have a right to your feelings about it. Did you like the surgeon? It really does sound like you are receiving excellent care.

 

[Sideways]

@blackemerald1 : think that one is from the cancer council:)

 

[blackemerald1]

@Sideways - the site says that 2 in 3 Australians will get some kind of skin cancer by the time they reach 70.

But that includes all Basal Squamas and Melanoma... so... slight correction needed there. :)

@Scarlet13 - I know you are freaking out but try and keep it all in perspective. You have the earliest stage of melanoma... and it is very treatable and that is what you are doing so it is not out of your control.

I know you don't want it there and I know afterwards you will still worry too... for a while..

Personally, I felt like my body had betrayed me! Unfortunately my type of colouring belongs in Scotland or Ireland. But I grew up where the sun is harshest in Australia and we had not heard of skin cancer. It's all a done deal for me... like a clicking alarm clock in some ways. After I had my biggest operation I was very shaky emotionally and mentally for a long while.. but slowly I have settled down. I am pretty observant of any skin changes etc., just like you are now. But every Australian should be so.

Getting treatment fast is the best way of coping with it. Self-recrimination is futile when trying to adjust emotionally and mentally to what is going on.

So with the serial offender sitting on the bus with you. Visualise you have a .44 Colt Magnum Revolver pointed at his head.. Who is in control now? Watch him stand up and step off the bus and be escorted to a prison van.. visualise that...

I hope you are ok :hug:

 

[Friday]

@blackemerald1 My dad... perfect black Irish complexion + 40 years sailing = for the past 10 years or so has been dealing with several types of skin cancer. Whilst they removed some early on, he now has a face cream he applies for about a week every few months... it turns all cancerous cells strawberry birthmark red for a few days, areas that weren’t even mildly questionable caught in their earliest stage, and kills them dead.

He also has a series of suave & debonair hats :sneaky: :cool: (and a few absolutely ridiculous ones :facepalm: ) & SPF sunscreen that’s over 9,000 (not really, but it’s up there) ....but it’s the chemotherapy cream he loves the most. Because he isn’t left waiting, wondering, worrying. Since he started using it he hasn’t had to have a single surgery, and his skin is gorgeous again. Minus a few days here and there where it looks like the grandkids have gotten to him with the lipstick during a nap ;) Do they have that stuff / is it in common use downunder?

 

[blackemerald1]

has a face cream he applies for about a week every few months..

Hey Friday - yes we have a cream, not sure if it's the same one your father uses, but it can only be used in Winter here. I think because of our super UV levels?? My mother uses it once per year but she just dot's it on her face and body... and it's only for Solar Keratosis so anything else and it's a visit to the doc. She looks red dotty afterwards for about a month. I think the one she uses must be applied daily for 10 days & just to the suspect bit of skin.

Unfortunately I'm not allowed to use it .. so I have to be alert and be super sunsmart! Whenever I have presented with something dodgy they confirm with biopsy then go for the knife.. or burn it off and then go for the knife ... ouch.. I've got lots of scars but no cancer.. yay! :)

I have an ever growing wardrobe of hats too.. I need one for every single little thing. :) (I've decided)

Hats look quite silly on me and it's hard to fit my hair under them ... but better to look silly than dead? shrug..

I also have huge black, polarised & UV filtered sunglasses, blues brother style but bigger lol - and tubs of 50+ sun screen cream.. ugh.. and tinted spf 50 + face stuff. All in all.. I am completely covered when I go outside one way or the other.. it's quite a production to go anywhere..

There is a hat shop where I live and I love all of their hats.. but very $$ because it's a fashion trend thing.. sigh..

 

[Scarlet13]

So with the serial offender sitting on the bus with you. Visualise you have a .44 Colt Magnum Revolver pointed at his head.. Who is in control now? Watch him stand up and step off the bus and be escorted to a priso

I love this! Made laugh when I am feeling depressed!

So I have more info.
The surgery will involve a skin flap and take 1 mos to heal.
It looks pretty gruesome for a while though.
It could hang over my eye, nasty stitches and all of that.

I can take about 2 weeks post surgery off and this includes 3 unpaid days which will be a 750 dollar deduction that gets spread out over the next 7 mos.
If all goes well I could physically be ok to return 2 weeks post op but my nose wound and forehead will look disfigured for the next 2 weeks or so.
I am a ms teacher.
I have a history of trauma and pretty bad bullying in school so I feel somewhat heavy and triggered ov er this. Kids especially ms kids can be assholes.

I cannot take more than 2 weeks off without incurring huge deductions.
I could if I need to in case of complications.
I tried to talk about this today but my boss was overwhelmed.
So a bad day for PTSD triggers.

I also have to have epi in the local and last time I tried a stimulant (adderal) I had severe anxiety for like 6 mos but that was during benzo withdrawal.
So hopefully epi in the local won't be too strong?