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I feel it in the middle of my chest and my throat gets choked up. I feel like a kid, scared to death. I think about running in absolute panic and fear, standing outside in the dark with the sirens, smells, and sights.If you were asked “what do you see and feel when you think of your trauma,” what would you say?
The truth. Sometimes it’s absolutely nothing, sometimes I can smell the cigarettes as if I was right there, sometimes I can feel the scratchy carpet on my back, or weird sensations like someone is grabbing me and no one is there.
I think I saw in another thread you are doing EMDR and not sure how to tell your therapist this stuff. Correct me if I confused people lol.
But, the truth is the easiest thing. If you don’t feel/sense anything, tell her that. If you feel like you are right back in that spot, tell her what that spot feels like.
I feel it in the middle of my chest and my throat gets choked up. I feel like a kid, scared to death. I think about running in absolute panic and fear, standing outside in the dark with the sirens, smells, and sights.
It's really awful for me to even glimpse the place. Anymore my eyes instantly begin to water.
This is something that has been recently just absolutely eye-opening for me. I have realized the truth, that when asked to think about my trauma, I do not automatically go to the loss of all 3 of my kids, although it is part of it. But my mind and heart goes to my mom. Everything stems from her, to her, it's about her. I feel like I'm 12 again. I feel her gaze. I feel her looking at me naked and making fun of me. and I realize I'm scared to death of her. And angry.
That’s what she wants me to do....write about it since it’s so hard to speak about it. But it’s hard....it’s embarrassing....the words. I’m stiff as a board in her office just like I was then. Afraid to move or I’ll be hurt. But the adult me knows she will never hurt me.
It can take a long time to build trust and that’s what will need to happen before you can talk about things.
Would you be willing to find some mediocre present day issue that bugs you but isn’t that bad that you can talk about with her? That way you two can start building trust and rapport in a subject that would hopefully help you relax better.
Possiblt