What do you see and feel when you think of your trauma?

[frogthroat]

I feel an absolute helplessness, trapped, in shock, a welling of terror and preparation in the core of my torso area. Joints and jaw lock. My mind seperates. All I can think of is surviving or dying. I engage in a pessimistic despair that kept me alive when I had no control. I think of the taste, smell, and feel of warm blood and dull aching pain. I obsess over death. I make friends with death. I wish for death. I fear not being able to see or breathe and I fear penetration.
When I come down from flashbacks like this I want to be alone for a long time. Bodily functions are triggering to me. I don't even like to be naked in the shower. I avoid small talk and people I don't like because I have zero patience. I'm tired. Basically, I'm a super impatient asshole. I get suicidal easily after whoppers like these. They just suck but it's really helped to tell myself they're just fragments from a time that no longer exists.

 

[99Phoenix99]

I feel resigned and resentful to the loss of control over my mind and body.

 

[Bluebelldiaries]

If you were asked “what do you see and feel when you think of your trauma,” what would you say?

I feel pressure on my back, head, and wrists. I feel scared and very emotional. I feel hands everywhere. I smell cherry pipe smoke. Sometimes I see the red blue and gray embroidery in the seats of a car. Sometimes I taste and feel dirt and blood. Hands are the biggest thing for me.